Depression Forums
General => Welcome our 'NEW MEMBERS'!! => Topic started by: Paulnp63 on September 29, 2011, 02:48:40 AM
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Hi All,
Looking forward to joining in,
I met my wife online and we married 10 years ago, have to young boys and used to love life, living in Cornwall how could you not, things went wrong when I started my own general building business after who I was working for retired, I ran the business completely on my own (finding work, quoting, doing the work, books and all), my wife is a primary school teacher and didn't want to get involved, I got the kids ready and off to school in the mornings and picked them up from the childminder in the evenings, did the shopping and shared the housework.
Last year my father-in-law became really ill and later died, did all I could to support my wife, I also heard my dad had heart failure who lived 300 miles away, plus my van had packed up and more work was coming in all the time, so quick found and bought a secondhand van, I decided to take on an apprentice because of the work load, only that made things worse as I was now a teacher myself as well as everything else, then my wifes new car went wrong, the garage didn't have a courtesy car, so for 2 weeks I took and picked up my wife from work 17 miles away while they messed around with it, illness hit us over christmas, as did the snowy weather. I was filling in form after form to try and get the grant money for having the apprentice, took nearly 6 months to get the money I should have had 2 months after he had started with me, but it was to little to late,
Easter I had a bailiff come to the door but know idea what for or how much, that detail didn't sink in, well I closed the business, phonelines, website and laid off the apprentice, mainly as my mother-in-law went mad and in a large amount of words said I did absolutely nothing in the house or for the family, my wife basically agreed with some of what she said, I just kept saying I'll sort it. My wife kept moaning at me from then on, had I paid this or that, was there any others I hadn't paid, I didn't know I still had some work left over, I began to scratch my arm and started to make it bleed. final thing was the bailiff returning again, I broke down in tears not knowing what to do, later my mother-in-law came round and had another go at me, saying I should be a man and stop sitting there with my head in my hands, she called me a liar and lazy and told me to get out, after more ranting she threw me out. somehow I made it to my mum & dads 300 miles away, I don't remember the journey or what route I took, all I know is I got there the next day. my mum got me to the doctors and now I am on anti-depressants and waiting to hear when my counselling starts,
Till later,
Paul
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I'm not surprised you're depressed Paul, what a dreadful series of events and how unfair of your mother in law to be so unkind.
You'll find lots of help and support in here, even if its only to listen when you want to unload things.
You dont say how long you've been on antidepressants but remember they can take several weeks to work and sometimes the dose and type need adjusting before the effects really kick in properly
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Hi Paul and welcome - what an awful amount of unfair events!! I hope being with your parents that you are finding support? As Zaf says, we're here to all help and support you :) x
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Hi Paul, I'm so sorry you are going through this, this is very difficult for you. You have been through an awful lot and have every right to feel a myriad of emotions about these events. You are clearly a very strong person who has taken on a great deal in the name of family and marriage and it has not been received or even noticed as you intended! This is awful and you are disappointed, angry, and confused. This relentless juggling act and the constant pressures it created has caused a chemical imbalance in your brain which is why you took flight - making yourself safe from further harm, have been diagnosed with depression (the chemical imbalance) and are being treated for this with medication. As Zaf says, it takes time for the effects of this medication to be felt by you, but it will take time for your body to heal this with the help of the medication just as it would take a broken leg to heal with a splint. I hope you feel safe and supported at your parents house. If you would like to talk to us about the difficulties you have and are facing we will help you however we can.
Lol
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Thank you for all your kind words.
Sorry my memory isn't to good at the moment, I can remember somethings I have done, just can't relate them to time, I think I have been taking the medication for about 3 weeks, I think I have missed taking a couple since starting them though probably due to my memory, but now have the packet in a place to remind me to take them when I get up.
I must admit its very frustrating that I can't get my wife to understand and feel a little compassion, I am still coming to terms with my condition myself.
My mother-in-law used to be a JP some 5 or 6 years ago and saw many who couldn't pay things in court and become bankrupt, lose their house and possessions, she kept on about that we would lose the house and that I was useless etc, I'm sure she was thinking of those she saw in court and attacked me as if I was on trial, she probably kept on at my wife too until she thought the same, I may be wrong, but I don't like anything she said or like her now to be honest, especially as she threw me out at my lowest point looking back.
Thank you again,
Paul
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It must be very difficult for you when you tried your best for your mother in law and your wife not to recognise how hard you were trying and all that you did for your family; when you get to see your counsellor its definitely something you need to talk about if you can. In the meantime try to get as much rest as you possibly can and if possible try not to dwell on the past too much (horribly difficult I know)
Do you have another appointment to see your GP to check if the medication has started working properly?
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Hi Zaf,
Daft thing was I was round my Mother-in-laws the day before sorting out her printer and computer I seem to remember before she threw me out next day.
Well I do rest a lot, it's mainly as don't feel like doing much at the moment, so more often or not laying down these days, if you saw me now it's hard to believe I was full of energy always busy and never really sat still, ready to mend toys and other broken things and always ready to help anyone if I could, having said that, my family here are going to Felixstowe tomorrow and want me to go too, there should be the local lions club there in charge of the car boot sale, I said I would as I wouldn't mind meeting another clubs members, also get me out of the house.
Yes I do have another appointment on the 14th October so my card says, shall see how things are with me then. I did the questions to rank your state of depression while there and scored 14 last time, I scored 19 the first time I went, didn't realise till he said after they were scoring me.
Cheers,
Paul
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Just changed my forum name from pnp63 to paulnp63 :)
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Hi Paul
Its very difficult to understand why people react the way they do, its easier said than done but its often better not to try to analyse things that have happened, at least until you feel a lot better.
Rest is a very important part of the healing process there is a very good little book called "depressive illness - The curse of the strong", also a short summary of it on the web somewhere, several of us have found it very useful as it explains what happens physically to the body when we get depression and why certain symptoms happen. The apathy and dreadful tiredness is one of the things I find the hardest to deal with.
You must live fairly near me if your family are going to Felixtowe, I'm in Norfolk. It would be a good idea to go too as long as you feel up to it, but dont be afraid to change your mind at the last minute if you feel you cant face it for any reason, its not a failing, its simply your body protecting itself from overdoing things.
Its standard practice to score people with depression, dont worry about that, its great your score has fallen so quickly. Its often difficult to tell the doc exactly how we are feeling but it is very important so they know whether or not to adjust our medication.
Try to get lots of rest and not feel guilty about needing to, its your body telling you need to take it easy.
Zaf xx
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Welcome Paul
Just read your posts, you were SO strong coping with all those things and work and everything you did, and so awful to get that rection back, We can only take so much and as the others say your body and mind need rest. Glad you are with your parents.
Thinking of you and hoping the kindness, help and understanding on here will help.
Look after yourself
XX
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Thanks Zaf,
I did go and also spoke to the Lions there, my mum & dad, brother, sister-in-law, their daughter and friend plus 2 year old granddaughter they were looking after for the day came to, never been my thing but sat on the beach most of the day, my brother had an umbrella to keep the sun off of us so didn't get sun burnt, really enjoyed the day but was so tired by the end, think it was seeing the energy of the 2 year old constantly on the go as she was never still, forgotten how active a 2 year is, when we got home I went and laid down, next thing I knew it was 2am and wanting a drink, back to bed and was woken to ask if I wanted to have sunday lunch, slept on and off after that.
My parents and brother live near Stansted Airport, we used to have a caravan on one of the holiday parks at Felixstowe during the 1970's and early 1980's, my brother and his family still go quite often there and with the road network improved these days it takes roughly an hour to get there from here, used to take over 2 hours years ago I seem to remember.
Will look up the book. I am trying not dwell on things to much, but certain things are annoying and just don't seem to go away, my mum is annoyed with my wife as she never asks how we are, she always seem to send a negative text messages, the huge distance between my family there and here doesn't help either as I miss my boys.
Paul
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Thank you depina,
So kind, glad to meet so many nice people on here, feeling a lot stronger than I did when I first arrived at my mum & dads a number of weeks ago, still away to go I know but I'm beginning to get some of my sense of humour back, so must be getting better.
Paul
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Glad to hear you had a good day out Paul, you will get tired like that after a day out even if it was really enjoyable, its one of the things I find really difficult even though I know it will happen, its good you allowed yourself to sleep, your body needs rest to help recover from this illness.
Its very difficult to dwell on things, if you can try to talk to your counsellor about them, mine is fantastic and gave me a lot help how to deal with things that I couldnt stop fretting about.
Its seems very unfair that your wife is being so negative, hopefully when you feel a bit better you can arrange to see them, would it be possible for them to come up to see you?
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Morning Paul
Hope your day goes well
XX
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Paul I'm glad you are starting to feel stronger and that you are able to go out and see everyone. Things will be more tiring than you're used to but you are doing the right thing in letting yourself rest. Well done.
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Its seems very unfair that your wife is being so negative, hopefully when you feel a bit better you can arrange to see them, would it be possible for them to come up to see you?
At the moment I don't feel like I want to see or speak to her in person, just knocks me down each message I get from her as it is, got an email from her last night moaning about things and not a word asking about us and if we are alright, knocked me down for whole of today. My brother has suggested we meet them halfway so we just have the boys here possibly at half term for the week, don't think I'm strong enough to drive to far at the moment to do it myself.
Haven't heard when my counselling is to happen yet, my mum was saying this afternoon looking at the jobcentre medical form we have to fill in before November, that I'll be working before then, don't think that helped me feel any better either.
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Morning Paul
Hope your day goes well
XX
I was ok till I read my wifes email this morning and my mum mentioned going back to work, knocked me down for best part of the day.
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Paul I'm glad you are starting to feel stronger and that you are able to go out and see everyone. Things will be more tiring than you're used to but you are doing the right thing in letting yourself rest. Well done.
Thanks Lol,
I'm the complete opposite these days, sleep much much more than I am awake, I wasn't sure I should be that way, but so many are saying it's ok to do so and will help me recover, will have to see what tomorrow brings.
Cheers
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Its normal to sleep a lot Paul, its your body trying to help itself recover.
It sounds a good idea if your brother would drive you half way to meet your boys, its certainly not a good idea to drive if you arent feeling up to it. As to your wifes texts and mails, would it be possible for you to let someone else to read them first and screen them for you so you dont have to read anything upsetting?
As for work, unless things have changed the way things work since I had to be off sick with depression, your doctor will tell you when he thinks you are able to go back to work and if you can do part time only, dont worry about work at the moment, try to take each day as it comes xx
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Hi Paul
Sleep does seem to be one of the effects.
Tired myself and off to bed. Sleep well XX
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As to your wifes texts and mails, would it be possible for you to let someone else to read them first and screen them for you so you dont have to read anything upsetting?
I have tried to teach my mum to use a computer over the years with no luck, although she can text on a mobile phone with ease, I'm not sure it would help as if I know there is a message it's bound to be unpleasant, She called this evening and my mum answered, I was asleep at the time, she wanted to talk to me about a message left on the answer machine there for me, she also had a huge moan about what I had done and that she is having to do everything, getting the boys ready for school, going to work, housework etc, I said sorry for being ill I wish I could help, she had another go at me, she also had a go about me not answering her text messages, I did say why and she exploded again about me having a life of leisure and having people running around for me and not having to worry about things like she has and not having time to worry about us here, before I hung up, I have just recovered enough to use the computer after that, I did get to speak to the boys first while on the phone.
Paul
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Hi Paul
Sleep does seem to be one of the effects.
Tired myself and off to bed. Sleep well XX
I can go to bed and lay for ages before getting to sleep most nights, I suppose its why I sleep during the day sometimes instead or as well as, as you can imagine if you have read my message above, I couldn't get to sleep, but going back to try again.
Night
Paul
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Its sad your wife doesnt seem to understand how ill you are and of course its not helping your recovery, is it possible that one of your family could explain or even get something in writing from your doctor?
The less kind side of me is thinking "at least now she should be appreciating how much you did while you were there" perhaps thats unfair, I dont know.
I wonder if its possible to write or mail her to say you're sorry this has happened and why then explain how you feel, or do you think that would do more harm than good?
Xx
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Paul have I missed something? your wife is moaning about what you've done? Wasn't it her own mother that threw you out? I think you should be explaining that because they are unable to appreciate you they have driven you to distraction and an apology is necessary if she wants you to come back and help out! What absolute abuse!!! It sounds as if they are very angry and guilty with themselves actually and think they are protecting themselves by pushing all the blame on you. Is it possible that they simply don't know what to do , what depression is, and how to support you? Can you say I feel this, I now have this, I think its because of this, I need this?
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Hi Paul
Sorry for all your aggro,
Hoping that things start getting easier for you
You would feel so much better if your family were more understanding.
I just hope you can move on,
Rest as you need it if you can.
XXX
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Its sad your wife doesnt seem to understand how ill you are and of course its not helping your recovery, is it possible that one of your family could explain or even get something in writing from your doctor?
Hi Zaf
My mum did have a heated discussion with her on the phone not long after I got here and seen the doctor, she tried to explain to her I wasn't well, starting medication and what depression was and possible effects, also to go and look it up, but it seems she is wearing blinkers and wants to taunt me with the problems that came up around me I struggled to deal with and her problems now, it just seems no matter what I say I'm wrong, I think its why I feel like I do. Not thought about sending dotors stuff, but I wonder would she take notice on them anyway.
Through all this my mum asked what did she want me to do, she never gave an answer, also asked if she wanted me back to help, she said no, don't want to go back anyway.
Paul
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Paul have I missed something? your wife is moaning about what you've done? Wasn't it her own mother that threw you out? I think you should be explaining that because they are unable to appreciate you they have driven you to distraction and an apology is necessary if she wants you to come back and help out! What absolute abuse!!! It sounds as if they are very angry and guilty with themselves actually and think they are protecting themselves by pushing all the blame on you. Is it possible that they simply don't know what to do , what depression is, and how to support you? Can you say I feel this, I now have this, I think its because of this, I need this?
I feel its my fault, I started my own business, made mistakes, couldn't pay business bills etc, lost my business and got in a mess and tried my hardest to sort it out, lost my wife, family, home, friends there, it's my fault it happen and I can't cope with why I did it, it would be nice for her to see what I went through and now going through, I have explained and apologised lots, but its as if she doesn't care, we here are sure much of this is under her mums influence and why her mum had a go at me and threw me out, she is always more aggressive on the phone when her mum is there, you can hear her mum prompting in background sometimes, don't think my mother-in-law has ever liked me, not that I have ever done anything to upset or annoy her, always there to help, but my mum says it's probably because I am just a builder and not in a top high paid job, I was never good enough for her daughter.
Paul
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Hi Paul
Sorry for all your aggro,
Hoping that things start getting easier for you
You would feel so much better if your family were more understanding.
I just hope you can move on,
Rest as you need it if you can.
XXX
Thank you, My mum is brilliant, not sure what I would be like without her, would love my wife to understand, I just feel a bit better, then a message or something from her comes up and down I go again, I hope I can get past this feeling and move on.
Paul
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We all make mistakes in life Paul and I know running a small business is b%#*$y hard, especially with the financial situation as it is. You might be right tbat your mother in law is at least partly to blame for your wife's unreasonable attitude; her unpleasant messages are obviously causing you a lot of upset and probably hindering your recovery, somehow you do need to either tell her that or avoid the messages and get someone to censor the bad bits and only tell you anything that is absolutely necessary.
Its great your mum is helping you so much, try not to dwell too much on the past (very difficult I know) and concentrate on getting well when you'll be able to deal with problems more easily
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Hi Paul
Just to say thinking of you and hope you are feeling better today
my daughter in laws dad didn't like my son before they got married ( my son told me) He thought my son wasn't good enough for her
It really hurt me - never mind my son. Things seem fine now, but I can't forget.
People can be so hurtful
Take your time, as Zaf says we all mistakes. Pity they do not realise that you tried so hard to sort it out and tried your best.
Glad you've got a lovely mum
XX
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We all make mistakes in life Paul and I know running a small business is b%#*$y hard, especially with the financial situation as it is. You might be right tbat your mother in law is at least partly to blame for your wife's unreasonable attitude; her unpleasant messages are obviously causing you a lot of upset and probably hindering your recovery, somehow you do need to either tell her that or avoid the messages and get someone to censor the bad bits and only tell you anything that is absolutely necessary.
Its great your mum is helping you so much, try not to dwell too much on the past (very difficult I know) and concentrate on getting well when you'll be able to deal with problems more easily
As always thank you, I'm glad I decided on joining, writing on here and hearing from you, depina and Lol does help, the last few years have been a real mess, as I said to the doctor, I know where I need to get to, it's just how to get there, my wife doesn't send many messages that are possive and always seem to be ones that my mum can't answer without asking me, but I'm sure she could dumb them down a bit, I'll ask her, I am trying not to let it get to me, but it's not easy.
Paul
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Hi Paul
Just to say thinking of you and hope you are feeling better today
my daughter in laws dad didn't like my son before they got married ( my son told me) He thought my son wasn't good enough for her
It really hurt me - never mind my son. Things seem fine now, but I can't forget.
People can be so hurtful
Take your time, as Zaf says we all mistakes. Pity they do not realise that you tried so hard to sort it out and tried your best.
Glad you've got a lovely mum
XX
thank you I do feel a little better than I did the other day.
Yes it does hurt what she said, especially as most of it was untrue, she also phoned my mum and for several minutes attacked my mum on her bad parenting skills and bringing up a son whos a liar and a cheat etc, my mum in tears said she didn't want to here this from her but from my wife, which she did awhile and my wife said she didn't agree with what her mum had said, but as the months went on and I became more depressed, it seems they attacked me more and then threw me out, something else I wont forget.
Off to lie down again, might get some sleep too.
Cheers,
Paul
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Its definitely not easy to forget someone treating you like that Paul, it'll take some doing but its well worth trying.
You seem very positive in your efforts to recover which is a huge help, do keep posting and everyone that is able will do what they can to help :)
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Hi Paul
You sound more positive - keep it up
Thinking of you
D XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Hi Zaf and Depina,
Will keep in touch as I know it seems to help me, just had an on and off period of a couple of hours sleep and a couple of hours awake since I last was on, just felt continously tired, seem ok at the moment having a cuppa and found something to watch on TV, I always seem to be wide awake this time of day since being here for some reason, another couple of hours and I'll be asleep again I suppose.
Take care,
Paul
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Insomnia or disturbance in sleep patterns seems common with depressiom Paul :(
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Paul it sounds like although your wife is only seeing her own turmoil at the moment, you have found yourself a safe environment to be in. Your mum sounds loving and helpful, this is difficult for her also. Whilst you have support around you like this, you can explore you feelings a little, and know that there will be the support of your mum and us to unload them to and start to make some connections with what has happened and a way forward. You are in a very difficult situation at the moment and all your feelings and reactions are normal and will help you to find clarity eventually. YOu will get through this.
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Insomnia or disturbance in sleep patterns seems common with depressiom Paul :(
I thought so, as I did the same not long after I got here I remember so still learning about all this, yesterday I noticed I had another email message from my wife, although I didn't open and see it I knew she was moaning again, just couldn't sleep last night and tossed and turned after that and haven't slept much of the day either, just seems silly as I don't want to know about her problems, yet it still affects me.
Paul
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Paul it sounds like although your wife is only seeing her own turmoil at the moment, you have found yourself a safe environment to be in. Your mum sounds loving and helpful, this is difficult for her also.
Yes I know and that is one thing my mum is not happy with my wife about, my wife goes on and on about her problems and nothing about how things are here and how she is now having to help me through this. my mum keeps saying, yes I messed up my business, but she and her mum caused the problems they have now themselves by throwing me out, I was at least looking after the boys, taking them to school, housework etc, and I was doing an odd job here and there too, I somehow was coping with that side of things, yet she must have seen I had changed and was not myself anymore most of the time, I do remember her saying you should go to the doctors there once but no effort to take me, but even so I don't know if even I could have stayed in that house without tearing myself to bits completely the way things were for much longer.
Paul
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getting the message wont have helped but if you can at least resist opening them so much the better, it may be time to politely say to her (by mail or letter I would suggest) that (again) you are sorry but her negative messages arent helping you recover and you will no longer respond to such contact. You could also ask your mum to do something similar if she phones - if I get anyone on the phone at work I keep my voice very calm and simply say very politely that I do not intend to continue the conversation until they calm down/stop swearing (or whatever) and if they continue I put the phone down.
When I had my first breakdown I kept aking people why they didnt notice anything was wrong, in fact even this last time I realised I had a problem before anyone around me did so its possible your wife knew something wasnt right but not how serious things were, dont forget its the usually the strong that get depressed because they battle on hiding their problems and early symptoms of their illness till their body cant cope any more.
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Paul I think at the moment for both you and your wife, what's happened is like a big abcess; circumstances have knocked the top off and what you are experiencing is a big flood of rotton sour matter pouring out. Eventually, this flow of rubbish will slow or subside and you will be left, all beit dripping in the stuff, but able to start cleaning it up. It is only then that things will make some sense and you can see what can be salvaged. For the time being all this tidal wave of mess flowing out is too much for you you cope with and make sense of. Your brain can't switch off from trying to fathom it out because it's not used to not being able to, because you are a strong person and have always been sucessful in control, and there is too much information all at once to decipher. Hense the disrupted sleep patterns and the feeling of racing thoughts. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are doing well, and normally! You are in a safe place now. things will get better.
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Hi Paul
Thinking of you
Hugs
XXXXXXXXX &*(
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Thank you as ever Zaf, Lol and Depina,
I'm slowly learning about all this and trying to understand, my mum has said it will probably get horrible between us before it sorts itself out.
I had another sleepless night last night and finally got some sleep this morning, when I went to get up I got a sharp pain across my shoulder, it's been so painful since as I move about, even after taking painkillers too, I did try and lay down earlier this evening but it was painful and I just couldn't get comfortable, I am going to struggle sleeping tonight.
I do feel I ought to write something to my wife, just know she probably wont listen or understand, if I don't reply or send something I know she will probably phone and moan at my mum which I don't want either, then probably insist on talking to me. At least I do send my boys emails when I can and they each send me a reply, I find it easier even if she is probably monitoring I guess than if I was to call them, even though I do want to call and speak to them.
Night and cheers all,
Paul
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I'v got insomnia again and woke several times after midnight so got up in he end around half three, my neck and shoulder are hurting like hell too and I'm not looking forward to the appointment with he osteopath his morning
I would suggest if you feel the need to write to your wife not to reply to any of the nasty bits of her last mail and try to be positive if possible, not easy I know!
xx
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I'v got insomnia again and woke several times after midnight so got up in he end around half three, my neck and shoulder are hurting like hell too and I'm not looking forward to the appointment with he osteopath his morning
Hi Zaf,
How did it go?
Sorry I ran out of money on my usb internet 3G dongle so couldn't get online until I topped it up, my brother bought me a topup voucher today.
Saw the doctor the other day and he was pleased with my progress, I do feel better than of late, he took my blood pressure and said it was high and would have to monitor it, I do feel my heart really pounding at times, usually when I have a headache or feeling a little dizzy and feel the need to lay down, obviously something to do with that, never felt it pounding like this before, been pretty healthy most of my life.
You must have sent you message via ESP, I replied to a message the other day answering her questions as best I could and explained why I couldn't answer properly because of my problems, on her next reply she moaned about why when I always email her its always about me and why would she need my help as she is coping better than she thought, I decided to change tact and just wrote back in as few words as possible stating, glad all is well and look forward to seeing the boys soon. I know I'll get something about right back but I feel I don't care anymore, she just seems in a nasty mood and seems she want me to argue with her, well not anymore.
Slept most of the day and still feel tired, bet I can't get to sleep though,
Night, take care,
Paul
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Hi Paul,
I had a vertebra 'out' in my neck, I dont mind the acupuncture but not keen on the osteopathy bit, but I know it works so I go! Much better now but still rather achy, I have an appointment next week which I can cancel if I think its feeling good enough not to have to go.
High blood pressure is often a sign of stress, its great your GP is Monitoring things closely, do you have another appointment soon?
That definitely sounds the way to go Paul, if you dont argue she has less amunition to throw back at you
xx
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You sound as though you've dealt with things very well and are just protecting yourself from the others hysteria. I hope you take the time you need to get back on your feet and I can tell from your tone that you're getting there. All the best for the future mate x
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Hi Paul,
I had a vertebra 'out' in my neck, I dont mind the acupuncture but not keen on the osteopathy bit, but I know it works so I go! Much better now but still rather achy, I have an appointment next week which I can cancel if I think its feeling good enough not to have to go.
High blood pressure is often a sign of stress, its great your GP is Monitoring things closely, do you have another appointment soon?
That definitely sounds the way to go Paul, if you dont argue she has less amunition to throw back at you
xx
Hi Zaf,
That does sound painful, never tried acupuncture or know of anyone who has before, but have heard that it's supposed to be good, my ache only lasted a day or two, I think I just twisted myself getting up.
Next appointment is November, he wanted me to make another appointment in about two weeks time, tried to get one earlier but was told he was on holiday for two weeks, visiting doctors is not something I know much about, but wanted to stay with the same doctor each time I visit.
I spoke to the boys today as it was my birthday, they were looking forward to coming up to see me as much as I am to see them, I then spoke to my wife, wasn't looking forward to that but have to say it wasn't that bad, we did discuss the way I am at the moment, basically sleep, get up, eat, sleep, get up, eat and so on and how she is, I said at the moment I don't go out that much as I don't feel like it at times or back out of things or more over I'm asleep, it's probably why I have high blood pressure, she said I should get up in the mornings, go out more and do things etc well I said it's just not that easy, she then worried about having the boys come here and wether I could cope, well I think it will be the best medication I could have, give me motivation because I think thats whats lacking, I need something to pick me up and I'm sure they will do that.
Well back to bed, got a room next door to start getting ready tomorrow for the boys to sleep in
Night Night,
Paul
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You sound as though you've dealt with things very well and are just protecting yourself from the others hysteria. I hope you take the time you need to get back on your feet and I can tell from your tone that you're getting there. All the best for the future mate x
Thank you, I have a number around me that are helping me through it, my mum has been brilliant, there are others in or know our family that I have found out since been through depression and know how I feel, my wife and her family obviously has never seen or know anyone that has, so I assume thats why, joining this forum has really helped me too and I am so grateful to all those that have replied.
All the best,
Paul
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Hi Paul,
I had a vertebra 'out' in my neck, I dont mind the acupuncture but not keen on the osteopathy bit, but I know it works so I go! Much better now but still rather achy, I have an appointment next week which I can cancel if I think its feeling good enough not to have to go.
High blood pressure is often a sign of stress, its great your GP is Monitoring things closely, do you have another appointment soon?
That definitely sounds the way to go Paul, if you dont argue she has less amunition to throw back at you
xx
Hi Zaf,
That does sound painful, never tried acupuncture or know of anyone who has before, but have heard that it's supposed to be good, my ache only lasted a day or two, I think I just twisted myself getting up.
Next appointment is November, he wanted me to make another appointment in about two weeks time, tried to get one earlier but was told he was on holiday for two weeks, visiting doctors is not something I know much about, but wanted to stay with the same doctor each time I visit.
I spoke to the boys today as it was my birthday, they were looking forward to coming up to see me as much as I am to see them, I then spoke to my wife, wasn't looking forward to that but have to say it wasn't that bad, we did discuss the way I am at the moment, basically sleep, get up, eat, sleep, get up, eat and so on and how she is, I said at the moment I don't go out that much as I don't feel like it at times or back out of things or more over I'm asleep, it's probably why I have high blood pressure, she said I should get up in the mornings, go out more and do things etc well I said it's just not that easy, she then worried about having the boys come here and wether I could cope, well I think it will be the best medication I could have, give me motivation because I think thats whats lacking, I need something to pick me up and I'm sure they will do that.
Well back to bed, got a room next door to start getting ready tomorrow for the boys to sleep in
Night Night,
Paul
Its not something I would do for pleasure but so far its always helped me get over injuries (I used to do a lot of competitive riding) and it doesnt really hurt.
Its often a good idea to see your usual doctor but if you do feel the need before your next appointment do go and see the locum, he will have all the notes and know exactly whats happening, its better than waiting if you feel you have slipped back or are feeling ill for any reason.
How you feel is very typical of depression and although its good to make yourself do just a tiny bit more than you feel you want to, its not a good idea to push yourself too far as you may get a set back, its lovely that you are feeling enthusiastic about your boys staying and I'm sure they will be a great tonic for you :)
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Have a lovely time with the boys Paul, they will light up your day.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ;D ;D
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Its not something I would do for pleasure but so far its always helped me get over injuries (I used to do a lot of competitive riding) and it doesnt really hurt.
Its often a good idea to see your usual doctor but if you do feel the need before your next appointment do go and see the locum, he will have all the notes and know exactly whats happening, its better than waiting if you feel you have slipped back or are feeling ill for any reason.
How you feel is very typical of depression and although its good to make yourself do just a tiny bit more than you feel you want to, its not a good idea to push yourself too far as you may get a set back, its lovely that you are feeling enthusiastic about your boys staying and I'm sure they will be a great tonic for you :)
Fingers crossed I wont need to go back before, the excitement of the boys coming does want me to do lots and lots, but I know it wont be possible, I plan to do little bits each day, I did help my mum move a few bits today in the room, got the beds to sort out as the week goes on etc, I did feel a bit tired this evening and had fourty-winks, I just hoping the boys will understand I'm not going to be running around kicking a ball and the like, I'll leave that to my niece & nephew I think, but all of this has lifted me a bit.
My mum got a nice text tonight from my wife complete with a smilie, maybe after our long chat last night she understands a little, I can't see us back together as such, she seems to value money more than me, I did say to her that if it was the other way around and for any reason she lost her job, we lost the house etc, I would have stuck by her and the boys even if we ended up in a caravan, she said I bet you wouldn't, I said to her we are a family and that we stick together whatever get thrown at us and work through it, I would never throw her out, she still wasn't to sure but time will tell I suppose.
Night
Paul
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Have a lovely time with the boys Paul, they will light up your day.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX ;D ;D
Can't wait, hoping to pick them up from her at Exeter Services on Sunday I hope, my brother and his wife will drive us down there as I'm not comfortable about driving to far at the moment, my wife wanted me to come and meet them there and I agreed, it will give me a little extra time with them too.
Night Depina,
Paul
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Its great to hear you feeling so positive Paul and very reassuring you realise you cant throw yourself back into normality straight away xxx
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Hi Paul
Glad you have something good to look forward to
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I do think I needed something like this to happen, although setting up the beds and moving things around has made me realise the lack of energy I have, my mum says I have lost confidence in doing things and has noticed a change in my mood since having the chance to have the boys here, we have a few ideas of what to do next week with them, trying to find non energetic things to do isn't easy, so sadly once they go back, the following week will probably be a week full of sleep for me, I hope I don't crash again.
Night all %$%
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Hi Paul
Its great you have something to look forward to like this :) i wonder if you could find something energetic for them to do while you watch and cheer them on as well as less tiring things you can participate in as well?
I think you must expect to go down a bit after they have gone as not only will you miss them being with you but, as yoi say, you will be tired - knowing and expecting this should make it a bit easier to cope with but its always disappointing to have a low after a high.
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Paul
have a great time with the boys!
Love Di XXXXXXXXXXXX
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Hi Paul
Its great you have something to look forward to like this :) i wonder if you could find something energetic for them to do while you watch and cheer them on as well as less tiring things you can participate in as well?
I think you must expect to go down a bit after they have gone as not only will you miss them being with you but, as yoi say, you will be tired - knowing and expecting this should make it a bit easier to cope with but its always disappointing to have a low after a high.
Hi Zaf
I had a sleepless night the other night thinking about them being here and when they go back home, obviously worried me a bit, caught up with some sleep during today, tomorrow is a long day and can't wait to be back here with them, I'm just glad that I have enough family here to keep them entertained I hope, my eldest is into everything and never still, so it will be a challenge, last time he was here he found things my mum thought she had lost forever, frightens us a bit, he's an early riser and one morning he also found an old laptop from years ago and a webcam that my mum won in a raffle, he managed to connect it all up, but couldn't get it to work as none of it was compatible, we were stunned when we come down, anyway I know my mum loves kids, always has, she works for the local playgroup, so she will be one of my saviours :)
How you coping, back pain and all?
Paul
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Paul
have a great time with the boys!
Love Di XXXXXXXXXXXX
Thank you Di, only a few hours to go, going to get some more rest now, just glad I'm not driving.
Night
Paul
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Have a great time with your boys Paul :)
Still a wee bit achy but well on the way to getting better I think thanks.
Zaf xx
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Hi Paul
Have a BRILL time with your lovely boys.
Love DiXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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Hi Zaf & Di,
Things seemed ok yesterday, got the boys, had a chat with my wife and no heated exchanges, on the way back my eldest more or less cuddled me all the way, ended up with them both sleeping with me last night and the bed isn't that big. I was so tired though that I didn't get up till midday, did try and get up before but just struggled to stay awake, it wasn't until this evening when I got a call from my wife about a letter she got concerning money problems again, she was really having a go and I could hear her mother in the background chipping in, it really knocked me and started to cry, my eldest cuddled me and said "please don't cry", I said I couldn't help it and I'll be alright, he told my mum and that he didn't want me to cry, my mum told him mummy and daddy are upset with each other at the moment, but it will be ok, he then said no nanna is upset with daddy, she keeps shouting at him, he also said without prompting that he didn't like it much at home without me there.
A little while after that call I had to go for a lie down, I had a headache and felt a little dizzy, also had some chest pains too, about an hour later I felt better and found a note next to me from my eldest which said "get well soon", I know I shall miss them when they go back, I also know I must be strong if I can.
Well only got one sleeping with me tonight, my youngest, he insisted he wanted to sleep with me.
So till later,
night Zaf & Di
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I'm so sad your wife couldnt wait until at least your boys went home before upsetting you again, if she has no concern for your feelings I'd have thought she might at least think of them :(
I know it wont be easy but try to put your wife and her mother out of your mind as much as you can while your lads are with you and enjoy having them with you :)
I cant remember if you've said how old hey are but I wonder if you or your mum ought to try to explain you are ill which is why you cant be with them all the time at the moment? Sometimes kids blame themselves for parents having problems and one moving out.
Zaf xx
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Aw bless them aren't they lovely boys. Sorry that you had hassle, it is hard but try and concentrate on the boys.
Enjoy your time with them, and the cuddles.
Hope things get better really soon
Thinking of you
Love Di XXXX
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Paul. Kids are very resilient. And they don't hide their feelings as much as adults do! Your boys are verbalising how they feel which is a huge advantage for you. When I was little and going through some bad things I felt I couldn't tell anyone, so I just had to struggle through taking the world on my shoulders and trying to make everything ok myself. But no one knew! So no one could explain and take that weight for me. You have the advantage of being able to do this because your kids are opening up. Kids only need an explanation and to know that there is nothing they should be doing in the situation. That it is completely seperate to them and doesn't involve them. Acknowledge the difference in their world it has caused them, but teach them how to handle it. If they are upset that you are not there, one of your jumpers with your deoderant on it could be a huge comfort. Or go into the woods and each find a pebble, bring it home, buff it and shine it and tell the boys to always keep it in their pocket. don't confuse this with replacing yourself with a pebble! It is just a tool to help them feel more in control. the feeling of not being able to make contact when they want to (even if it is conceptual) feels out of control and to be able to touch somthing and feel close to some one, can be a great comfort. Also, ask them to imagine leaving your house and traveling to their house by what ever mode of transport they use, then explain that the connection to the ground was never broken. So at any time they can go outside, put their hand on the ground and it is the same ground that is under your feet also. Especially when you're on the phone together - it will feel like you are touching the same thing no matter the distance between you. Give them a shoe box full of stamped addressed envelopes and teach them how to use the postal service. This could be very empowering for them.
You are doing a great job as a dad. You haven't created this hostile situation, that is of your wifes doing
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Lol
Gosh what good ideas really uplifting !! ;D brought tears to my eyes. That SO makes sense!
Love Di XXXX
Hope things are good for you today.
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I'm so sad your wife couldnt wait until at least your boys went home before upsetting you again, if she has no concern for your feelings I'd have thought she might at least think of them :(
Exactly what my mum said, I did try to ignore what she was saying, but it was such brutal words that cut me down, The cuddle I got from my eldest and helpful words from my mum helped me quite a bit, My eldest is so tearful at the moment, I feel so sorry for them, My eldest is 9 and will be 10 in March, youngest has just turned 8.
She called again this morning, she wasn't abrupt this time and was about nothing important, but I still had odd pains and headache today, was going to take the boys to the cinema, but we went to the doctors instead just to put my mind at rest. It was the same doctor (thought he was on holiday) and he took my blood pressure and said it was high, but he was pleased I had gone in to see him, we discussed what had happened and he was very helpful, he gave me my counsellors name and phone number while there, he was pleased with my progress and I said I have a lot around me here that are helping and I am on this forum here which also has and still is helping me too, I did mention about the boys going back and how I might feel, he advised me it was best not to go back with them, so my brother, his wife and my mum will take them back. I feel a bit better tonight, got them both sleeping with me tonight if I can find some room.
My eldest knows I'm ill I think, well he does now as he came into the doctors with me and my mum, not sure with the youngest, but I have had some long cuddles from him too, he makes out he doesn't love me as much as Mummy, funny he always turned to me when I was at home most of time unless you made a point of it.
well better get snuggled in.
Night,
Paul
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Paul. Kids are very resilient. And they don't hide their feelings as much as adults do! Your boys are verbalising how they feel which is a huge advantage for you.
You are doing a great job as a dad. You haven't created this hostile situation, that is of your wifes doing
Thank you Lol, I really love those suggestions and will certainly think about them when it's time for them to go, as I said to Zaf, my eldest is tearful at the moment and I feel sad I can't make things right for him, if things were different and I could, I have them both with me, my wife has said in the past if we ever split up you can have the boys, never knew if she was joking or what back then.
Night,
Paul
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Aw bless them aren't they lovely boys. Sorry that you had hassle, it is hard but try and concentrate on the boys.
Enjoy your time with them, and the cuddles.
Hope things get better really soon
Thinking of you
Love Di XXXX
I'm going to concentrate on the boys from tomorrow onwards, we plan to go to the cinema tomorrow morning now, got some shopping and that to do on Thursday and out for a lovely walk Friday around a lake which has ducks and swans in and a lot of wildlife to see, which I know the boys will love, my brother has two little dogs which my youngest can't wait to take for a walk, just hope the weather holds for us, wanted to go to a museum with them too but not sure we can fit that in now, just as well because looking at those few days it exausts me just reading it.
I do feel better tonight, but think I better get some sleep, if I can squeeze in the bed that is ;D
Night Di
Paul
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Di is right, concentrate on your boys while they are with you and just keep telling them you love them :) xx
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Hi Paul
Glad you are having a lovely time, children are so loveable aren't they? I can't wait to cuddle my 2 grandchildren when they arrive tomorrow!!
Enjoy yourselves
Love Di XXXX
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Hi Zaf, Di & Lol
Well my boys went home yesterday and although it has really lifted me, it was still hard to see them go, I had some tears last night and felt a little down today but not as much as I thought, I didn't go with them as I took the doctors and others advice, my mum went instead, it sounded like it was just as well I didn't go as my mother-in-law came with my wife to pick the boys up at Exeter Services, my mum said she got out of the car and abruptly wanted to know where I was, my mum said I wasn't well and she replied "Aaahh bless", my mum felt like punching her in the face, luckily she didn't, she snarled on about the money problems and upset I had caused and that it was not her problem and what are we going to do about it etc but my mum reckons because I wasn't there, she turned and said to my wife come on lets go and went before anyone could really say goodbye, my mum, brother and his wife said that my wife was really quiet and if anything looked a little embarassed at her mum's outburst, but it upset my mum and she cried most of the journey back, this time it was my turn to cuddle my mum when she got home, she got some texts from my boys later and some more today, I spoke to them on the phone this evening, my eldest didn't sound to happy though, not sure if its because it's back to school tomorrow, leaving here or not been invited to a party my youngest went to today, whatever it was it was hard not being able to do much about it over the phone.
Even though I had a lay down earlier this afternoon and had a couple of hours sleep, I don't feel to down at the moment, just have to see how this week goes, other than that I hope your all well and have had a good weekend.
All the best,
Paul
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Your poor mum :( it sounds like your mother in law wouldnt know compassion or understanding if it came up and bit her on the bum >:D its a good job you didnt go, well done for taking the advice not to go, some people wouldnt have!
Its lovely you had such a good time while your boys were with you, hopefully you can arrange for them to stay again before too much longer, it is obviously hard for you not being able to help them over the phone but concentrate on getting well again, thats the best help your boys could have - their dad well again, take care xxx
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Hi Paul
So sorry about the upset but great that you had such a lovely time with your boys, and good that you didn't have that confrontation. Sorry that your Mum was upset. Great that you had cuddles, that really helps.Also good that your boys keep in touch, and you can talk on the phone.
Keep strong and hope you get to see them again very soon.
Thinking of you
Di XX
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Her side of the family sound like a flipping nightmare!! I'm sorry your lovely mum had that experience. You must feel like giving her such an earful. Well done for not going, you may have said somthing your really regretted and in front of the boys too. Congratulations to your mum for not doing, must have been so difficult to bite her tongue.
People can be so callous
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Your poor mum :( it sounds like your mother in law wouldnt know compassion or understanding if it came up and bit her on the bum >:D its a good job you didnt go, well done for taking the advice not to go, some people wouldnt have!
I really did want to and plan to go to start with Zaf, but after the phonecall last week knocking me down and the advice I got, I am glad I changed my mind, I'm beginning to feel sorry for my wife in away, but then she did sort of get her mum involved so she'll have to live with what's happened when or if she ever comes to terms with it all, my only concern now is the boys and finding a way to get myself better, at the moment I feel so tired again and having headaches, I'm not only sleeping at night I am also sleep at times during the day also my mum wants me to do some jobs down the local village hall, a few weeks ago I sat and shook and had a nasty headache when she said lets go and paint the shed out the back of the hall, spent the rest of the day laying down, having the chance of work has never done that to me before.
All the best,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
So sorry about the upset but great that you had such a lovely time with your boys, and good that you didn't have that confrontation. Sorry that your Mum was upset. Great that you had cuddles, that really helps.Also good that your boys keep in touch, and you can talk on the phone.
Keep strong and hope you get to see them again very soon.
Thinking of you
Di XX
I slept both evenings now when I was going to call them and woke up to late as they would have gone to bed, will want to call them tomorrow night as they will be back from Cubs and will have more to talk about, also my youngest would have played football after school tonight, we bought him football boots, shin pads and socks while he was here and would like to know how he got on, so two questions in one for him. I hoping my mother-in-law isn't there though, it's hard enough talking to my wife as it is without her in the background.
All the best Di
Paul :)
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Her side of the family sound like a flipping nightmare!! I'm sorry your lovely mum had that experience. You must feel like giving her such an earful. Well done for not going, you may have said somthing your really regretted and in front of the boys too. Congratulations to your mum for not doing, must have been so difficult to bite her tongue.
People can be so callous
Inside I would love to shout her down Lol, but I feel I would probably ended up like my mum (my mum is a big softy and wouldn't hurt a fly, mind you I'm much the same), I may be strong when needed, but I'm not strong enough to stand up to her at the moment, I think what it may have done if I had gone is maybe raise my blood pressure and maybe had a possible heart attack who knows, while here, my mum felt like doing or saying lots of things, but in a public car park it wasn't a place to do it, also she said what would it really gain lowering herself to their level and shouting abuse back, we are just upset that they just don't or won't understand. The one thing we have been very careful of is trying not to discuss any of this in front of the boys, my mum has already said that my eldest will always have his nanna throwing me out on his mind for the rest of his life and could hate her for it more and more as time goes on.
All the best,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul, I'd guess the tiredness is due to a hectic week and a certain amount of worry about the way your MIL had a go at your mum, I think the headaches are a bit more of a worry and if they persist or get worse you ought to consider going back to your GP to discuss them with him.
Your mum sounds absolutely fantastic, please give her a big hug from me &*(
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Hi Paul
Lets hope you get a good chat with your boys tomorrow and find out how they got on at cubs and football. They will love telling you all about it.
Zafs right your mum is lovely. That is a big plus, also they have a great Dad too who realy cares about them.
Hope you are feeling better and that your headache has gone.
Love Di
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Hi Paul, I'd guess the tiredness is due to a hectic week and a certain amount of worry about the way your MIL had a go at your mum, I think the headaches are a bit more of a worry and if they persist or get worse you ought to consider going back to your GP to discuss them with him.
Your mum sounds absolutely fantastic, please give her a big hug from me &*(
Will do that Zaf, she is getting quite a few hugs lately having to put up with us all here, she is also worrying about my sister-in-law who is having chemo again at the moment, as it happens I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow, will mention the headaches to him so we'll see how that goes, I'm hoping the headaches are just the worry of everything. I am supposed to have a call from a counsellor on Monday so I am told, perhaps when I start going to see him I shall start to feel better about things and lose the headaches.
All the best,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
Lets hope you get a good chat with your boys tomorrow and find out how they got on at cubs and football. They will love telling you all about it.
Zafs right your mum is lovely. That is a big plus, also they have a great Dad too who realy cares about them.
Hope you are feeling better and that your headache has gone.
Love Di
Yes I did Di, the youngest one talks more about the activities he does than the eldest one, had to push my eldest a little more towards cubs and beavers, once there he really enjoys it, more than he lets on I think, I never went to Cubs when I was his age, I had the chance and now I really wish I had, so a little jealous, I'm not into being a leader though, the youngest really is beginning to enjoy his football games after school and Cubs as well, he is a selective mute and hasn't yet spoken at school or at Beavers and Cubs, the only ones he speaks to are a couple of his classmates in whisper form, me, my wife, mother-in-law and my mum, he wouldn't speak when my dad was in the room even though he is pretty much deaf these days,
Night and all the best,
Paul :)
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Hope all goes well with your appointment Paul, how are you feeling now?
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Hope all goes well with your appointment Paul, how are you feeling now?
I feel much better than I have done thank you Zaf, doctor was pleased with my progress although he is a little worried about my blood pressure still being slightly high, wasn't to worried about my headaches as he thought the same as me, tiredness and worry causing them, I said about my struggle towards work and he said the counselling will help with that, meanwhile I continue with the anti-depressants and avoid all contact with my mother-in-law, thankfully she's in Cornwall 300 miles away so that should be easy and I have to be strong and end phonecalls if she's in the background if I'm ever talking to my wife for any reason, other than that as I say all seems fine. I am still having extra sleep during the day which I can't seem to help stop at the moment, now can't get to sleep tonight, so going to watch 'Speeders' on Dave shortly, got to love that programme, seeing the american public caught speeding unexpectedly and sharing their views and their wacky excuses are so funny.
Hope your ok too Zaf?
Night
Paul :)
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Thats great to hear Paul :) the advice from your doctor sounds very sensible, especially about your mother in law. Dont worry about needing extra sleep, it is very normal as your body needs it to heal.
I'm not too bad thanks, having sleeping problems at the moment but it will improve as the nature of the illness is ups and downs and luckily I know that so dont worry too much when one of the downs arrives.
Take care xx
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Well Zaf as you say about the ups and downs, I'm beginning to realise I will have them from time to time, going from what happened the other week when the boys were here, the downer I had was not as bad as what I had a few months ago, so I must be getting better, my doctor has been brilliant I think, sadly he is leaving at the end of the month he told me, I don't really mind the extra sleep, it's just the time I seem to have it, it can mess a day up, not long woke up from a few hours sleep, means I missed going to a firework meeting earlier, oh well :)
Hope you get some much needed sleep and your day wasn't to much of a downer,
night and take care too,
Paul :)
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I think you're right Paul that in general that the downs become less deep when your recovery starts, its certainly how it is for me.
Its a shame your current doctor is leaving but the next one will have your notes and if you really find you dont get on with him/her it is possible to change to another one.
I was tired yesterday but not down, unfortunately I'm wide awake at 4am again but it will improve sometime and for the moment I must try not to let it get me own too much...
Hope things continue to impove for you xxx
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Hi Zaf,
Sunday my mum said lets get those jobs done at the local village hall, no one is there all day, it did worry me, but thought I have to do this, I have got to do this, well I did go and do the jobs, took me at least twice as long as I used to do them and really was shaking, but I did it and finished the jobs, got home and head pounding went and laid down, couldn't sleep, got myself in a right mess, took me a day to settle I suppose, but keep saying to myself , "its ok I did the jobs, whats the matter with me I did it, think positive, I did it", I did go back to sleeping all over the place again, just couldn't focus on the computer, I have slowly felt better over yesterday and I felt much much better today, did have a sleep earlier so I guess thats why I am awake now.
Zaf you have been one who has been so helpful to me over the weeks, it's been a small part of lifting me from where I was a couple of months ago, reading what the others are going though too, makes you realise your not alone in this, we all can understand the illness, well I do now, learnt a lot on here more than I probably would have elsewhere I'm sure.
I've got an appointment on the 18th November to see my appointed counsellor, understand about the doctor, will have to see how it goes after the next visit, getting used to having my arms pumped up 3 or 4 times each now having my blood pressure checked, didn't get quite so many pins and needles last visit in my hands.
Hoping your ok and get a good nights sleep,
Till later, take care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
You possibly did a bit too much at once but well done all the same, its a big achievement and you can look back and know you managed to do it if you are faced with another challenge :)
Thanks Paul, thats a lovely thing to say :) I think we all understand depression from the 'inside' which is why we can help each other so much, however good a health professional is I dont think they can truly understand unless they have actually suffered themselves, its great coming in here has helped you so much :)
I'm tackling my insomnia with aromatherapy and so far it seems to be making a small difference, last night I only woke up twice and both times managed to get back to sleep again which makes a change from waking up around 2am and not being able to get back to sleep so hopefully eventually I'll get to sleep all night without waking up :)
Hope all continues to improve for you, take care and give your mum a big hug from me
Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
I most probably did do to much, I've been backing out of job opportunies for weeks, I knew I could do the jobs, I mean I have worked all my life, some 30 years, yet here I am shuddering and falling apart at doing them, I constantly look through the job ads, seen a number I could easily do, but thats all I do, look, it's amazing how this illness can knock you down
Thanks Paul, thats a lovely thing to say :)
Your welcome Zaf, hope I can do the same on here too and help somebody, I am glad I found the forum and how much it's helped me, my doctor said continue to come on here, so he obviously thought the same :)
I suddenly realised last night laying in bed about a number I was given that I can call if I can't cope, stressed or really need help, trust me to think about that afterwards.
Interesting, I know we used to buy a certain fragrant bath wash to use bathing the boys years ago, it did seem to calm them down and sometimes help them sleep, can't think what it was called now, I was and still do sometimes put radio 4 extra (on freeview or DAB) on over night as tv just made me want to watch it and never get to sleep, with radio I lay there with my eyes closed listening and slowly it got me to sleep, even if it was only for a few hours, unless its a comedy show that is.
Thanks Zaf, will pass the hug on,
Take care, sleep well,
Paul :)
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Its surprising how things we have done for years suddenly become a huge task, its very normal to feel like that and it does get easier but its usually better not to throw yourself into huge things all at once!
I'm sure you'll be able to help people with advice before long, you probably do anyway just telling us of how you feel as lots of guests pop in and presumably read the posts, so its quite likely someone has read your posts and they have recognised their symptoms or prompted them to go to their doctor.
We never think of those numbers for some reason, but its good to hear you have one for an emergency :)
Take care
Z xx
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Thats true Zaf, remember when finding the forum myself and briefly looking through before joining at the posts, I do hope our messages have helped others as they have helped me. I know what you mean, I do feel as though I could go back to work, but then I start wondering if when the opportunity does come up will I fall apart as I did last time and it becomes a big task, yet I don't want to sit about, but I don't seem to have much energy to do anything about, my mum says the same, got to do things slowly, but what jobs are like that I'm wondering.
My eldest called today to say he wasn't to well and been sick over night, I said I wish I could give him a cuddle to help him get well again, he said but you will become ill then, I just said but if it helps to make you feel better thats ok, he agreed and was happy with that, youngest just wanted to give me his christmas list and ask if I was wearing a poppy :) Normally we would have walked in the parade to the memorial with the other cubs/scouts and beavers so I guess thats why he asked.
Just seen the time, will see if I can get to sleep,
Night Zaf, hope all is well,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
You do definitely need to take things slowly, its so easy to have a set back if you do too much too soon, but it sounds as though you are progressing steadily which is great news :)
Its really lovely you are having regular contact with your sons, will you be able to have them visit you again sometime in the near future?
Take care
Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
It feels so strange and in someways frustrating, I seem to understand I need to take things slowly and that I have to, yet feel I could do a million things like I used to and get on with life, I suppose it's like part of my brain saying yes you can do it and another part saying no let me recover first.
I'm hoping the weather will be ok so the boys can come up after Christmas, we always agreed together to spend Christmas at home so Father Christmas knew where to find the boys, then travel from either boxing day or the day after depending on weather to my mums here, once they were old enough we would then change the routine in time, so thats what I'm hoping and what they seem to be thinking.
I sent an email to District area Lions Club Organisation asking if I can be transferred to a local club near me here, got a message back the club I've chosen would hopefully be in touch soon, I'm sure and hoping it will be another step in helping me recover from this, it will give me a chance to meet new people and to ease me out and about a bit more, plus do some good in the community as time goes by.
Struggled to sleep last night, don't know why, just laid in bed and just couldn't get to sleep, I tried for ages with and without the radio, even tried with the tv on too, eventually got up about half past 6 and had a cup of tea and some toast, came back up a couple of hours later and slept till gone midday, then this evening put the Goons on Radio 4 extra and the next I knew it was half past 10, so I suppose I am out of sync again now.
Hope all is well Zaf,
Take care,
Paul :)
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H Paul
It can be very frustrating but you do need to take things easily, have you thought of keeping a diary so you can look back and see what progress youve made since you were taken ill? I find it helps on days that I'm not doing so well to actually see that Ive made progress.
It would be a great boost for you if they can come up at Christmas, and also lovely for them too. I'll keep my fingers crossed that the weather stays good for you.
Its very usual to have weird sleep patterns, have you tried anthing like essential oils to help you sleep? I have found it useful and they wont clash with any medication - most people try lavender first but I cant use it as I'm allergic to it and makes me sneeze! If you dont fancy the smell or it doesnt work I'll get a list from my friend who is a qualified aromatherapist and you can try them one at a time!
Hope you get news from the Lions Club soon.
Z xxx
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Hi Paul, I think your feelings of frustration over taking things slowly are to do with what you know yourself to be capable of versus being temporarily incapacitated. It is very frustrating, but I'm glad you can rationalise in your head what you need to do as this will be key to furhter improvements. I think you are doing very well. You have been through so much and although there are still stumbling blocks like insomnia and lethargy you sound from your posts to be more positive and in control that you first were. this is excellent. Well done Paul.
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Hi Paul
I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened, I am myself in a very depressed state and desperate situation (no job, boyfriend left me, antidepressants etc) and I know that it is a vicious circle, or 'snowball effect' ie. one bad event happens which gets you down and then it feels like everything else falls apart too.
I am here if you would like to chat. Stay strong and positive, it is very important in times like this.
Do things you enjoy if possible...
Isserley.
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Hi Zaf,
Never thought of writing a diary, just thought much of it will already be written as posts on here, so will have to look back through and see our past posts.
I haven't tried anything to get to sleep other than listening to the radio with my eyes closed or just laying down, it does work sometimes, but I only sleep for about 2 or 3 hours at any one time once I do get to sleep. that reminds me, that's what was in the baby wash some posts ago, lavender, that and something else, used to calm the boys down a bit sometimes, I'll have to get some and let you know if it works.
The president of the Lions Club called this evening and we had a chat, he is sending me details of their Christmas Dinner event which will be on December 10th to me, I can then decide over the menu and meet up with them then, the good thing is they don't expect full commitment 100% of the time, so I can gently work with them over time and do more as time goes by, sounds like he may want someone to help with their website, so thats an easy task I could do :)
Thanks Zaf and take care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul, I think your feelings of frustration over taking things slowly are to do with what you know yourself to be capable of versus being temporarily incapacitated. It is very frustrating, but I'm glad you can rationalise in your head what you need to do as this will be key to furhter improvements.
Hi Lol,
I read that a couple of times before I grasped what you were saying, sorry must be me being tired, but yes your right thats how it is, it's the old take one day at a time scenario, at least joining with the Lions again may help progress my improvement, got to see my counsellor tomorrow for the first time, finally having a meeting setup helped a little too.
Take care Lol,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened, I am myself in a very depressed state and desperate situation (no job, boyfriend left me, antidepressants etc) and I know that it is a vicious circle, or 'snowball effect' ie. one bad event happens which gets you down and then it feels like everything else falls apart too.
I am here if you would like to chat. Stay strong and positive, it is very important in times like this.
Do things you enjoy if possible...
Isserley.
Thank you Isserley,
I can really relate to what you have said and I really sympathise with what your going though too, hoping you have some positives to look too to help?, yes the one person you hope that would stand by you and help, in my case my wife, walks away or throws you out, it's just a shame they couldn't find a way to understand, thankfully I have had my mum and immediate family here to help me, it's gone a long way to adding positives instead of negatives I was getting a few months ago, the doctor was a good move too, he was very understanding and so was joining this site a good move, met some lovely people on here with some good advice, I have begun to realise over the weeks I'm not going to leap about as if nothings happened and go back to work, for me at times I really do wish I had someone like my wife (not just my mum) to cuddle me and say they are here for me, think that would have helped a lot. Got my boys to look forward to coming up again soon I hope, I know they'll give me a good cuddle :)
Wishing you all the best and hope some positives come your way,
Till later, look after yourself,
Paul :)
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Thank you!
I am so pleased to read such a positive message from you, that's awesome!
Keep up the positivity and I wish you luck with everything (you'll be fine! give it time)
Isserley
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Thank you!
I am so pleased to read such a positive message from you, that's awesome!
Keep up the positivity and I wish you luck with everything (you'll be fine! give it time)
Isserley
it's what I hope for Isserley, I hope my message has made you feel a bit more possitive too, well having spent some time with the counsellor today, got through the questions and heard my story he said I had lost my confidence and to try and avoid my mother-in-law, basically said more or less what I knew and whats been talked about beforehand, think Zaf said something like this in another post to me, he did say I should try and see if I can return to what I did some years ago which I really enjoyed doing, I love going to cities, events, museums and historic places, I use to years ago go into London each Saturday throughout the winter months, so thats one of my targets, plus continue with trying to get involved with the Lions Club, he also gave me a relaxation pack to try in the hope it will help me get to sleep at night, after i posted the message I went to bed, it was about an hour later I got to sleep, woke up about midday and have felt tired most of the day, almost fell asleep in the waiting room waiting to see the counsellor, laid watching Children in need, how can you sleep tonight with excellent entertainment like that on, only broke away to check emails and this forum before going back to watch.
Keep possitive too Isserley!!!!
Paul :)
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My counsellor rang me yesterday and my first session is scheduled for next Monday!
I am very excited and hoping it will help somewhat, but I think it will.
I live in London and love museums too, if you ever want to go to one together and make a new friend, just let me know!
Have a great weekend!
Isserley
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Hi Paul, thats all sounding very positive, just read back some of your earlier posts and you'll see a huge diffefence :)
It would be great if the lavender works, if not there are othets that might help.
Thinking of you
Z xx
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My counsellor rang me yesterday and my first session is scheduled for next Monday!
I am very excited and hoping it will help somewhat, but I think it will.
I live in London and love museums too, if you ever want to go to one together and make a new friend, just let me know!
Have a great weekend!
Isserley
I'm sure you will find it helpful and would like to know how you get on, it does make you feel better, mine counsellor was really nice, talked though what had happened, asked some questions so he could understand my problems, there was no pressure at any time, he then set me some goals as homework, which I'm not sure if I'll reach them all, but then he did say I may not but do your best and we'll talk about it next time, I tried the relaxation disc last night, couldn't stop laughing to be honest, think it was the guy's voice, put the radio on after and went to sleep listening to that instead.
I have ordered a new Oyster card as I can't find the one I had, should be with me in the week, I would love to meet up to look round a museum, I'm sure it will give us both something possitive to look forward too, it's which museum to go to though, I have a few favourites I have enjoyed in the past, will have a think unless you have a favourite, I do know there is a Charity Christmas Pudding Race in Covent Garden they do every year, fancy dressed teams running round an obstacle course of inflatable slides and things, it can be really funny to watch, haven't been for ages due to living in Cornwall, checking it says 3rd December, I would love to see that so will put that on my list of things to do in London :)
Keep possitive Isserley,
Paul :)
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Hi Zaf,
I must admit it is amazing how I am now to how I was back then, I don't remember much of what happened daily before joining this forum or in the earlier posts really if I hadn't looked, it's just as though I've lost a few months of my life, gone forever, my mum says life goes on and things will get better in time, I have got inside my head what I want to do and its on my list of goals too, it's just doing it that seems to be so hard, but little things are happening that are helping me to get there, I know I have done a couple of bigger steps than I should have done and hurt myself so to speak, but each little thing that I do or comes along I know is another step in getting better, it was going to be a big step going back into London, whether I would have gone on my own or not I don't know, I sorted out the card so I can travel about London easier, my next was actually doing that, having Isserley say she would meet me and go round a museum together will give me more incentive to do so and I would be so grateful to her if she does, hopefully we can help each other out in being possitive.
Right I'm off to bed, might try that cd again and try not to laugh at the guy's voice,
Night Zaf, Night All,
Paul :)
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It sounds as though you are making fantastic progress Paul :) and you've realised if you overdo things you may go down with a bit of a bump for a few days, those are the times I find it useful to look back and realise how much progress Ive made so that might help you too.
With love, Zaf xx
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It sounds as though you are making fantastic progress Paul :) and you've realised if you overdo things you may go down with a bit of a bump for a few days, those are the times I find it useful to look back and realise how much progress Ive made so that might help you too.
With love, Zaf xx
Hi Zaf,
My mum said how much I have improved too, I do still have a day or so when I really just want to lay and do nothing, quite often fall asleep too, then I have nights like this when I can't get to sleep, I think I do need something to look forward to, like meeting up with the lions club, I got a message to meet two of them next Monday and then meet the rest of the club at their christmas meal meeting 10th Dec, so looking forward to that, just got my Oyster travel card today, so that will give me an incentive to get into London and if Isserley still wants to meet me there (no pressure), it could be another boost for both of us, may get myself up and go in to London Saturday anyway will shall see, it seems I'm happy meeting people, I may shake a little bit to start with and before the meeting, but not as much as when I went to do those jobs the other sunday, I've met a few new people locally and I have been fine.
Well off to lie down, don't think that CD is going to work, my mum listened to it and said it would more likely send her to sleep than me :)
Night Zaf x :)
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Hi Paul,
I'm not surprised your mum can see a difference too, since you first joined here its almost like talking to another person, you have made huge progress and also realise you will have the occasional set back which I tnink is very important :)
Hope the meeting with the Lions people goes well, it really sounds a good way of doing a little more and meeting people.
Have you tried any other ways of getting to sleep?
Thinking of you
Z xx
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Hi Paul, I second that, improvement is really obvious since you have been on the forum. You must give yourself a massive pat on the back. Well done :)
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Thank you Zaf,
I haven't thought of any other ways really to get to sleep, I've never been a book reader although have given it a go and it's just not me, the CD doesn't really work, the radio does if its a plain story on but if its a comedy I can't help but lay and listen to it, TV I just end up watching it, Usually when I feel tired and go and lay down I can sometimes have a couple of hours sleep, I've tried to stay awake during whats left of the day if I'm at home, but then I end up with a headache and then still can't get to sleep at night, then I just lay there for ages, when I eventually get to sleep I usually have about 5-7 hours in one go, so in away it completely messes up my day and I did say this to my counsellor, which is why I ended up with the CD. Days when I'm out of the house I'm a little better, I don't get a headache, but then I still don't get to sleep later that night, I will overcome it though and getting to do more things will get me there.
I'm meeting two from the Lions Club next Monday evening, quite looking forward to it, but looking at the time now, I can't see me going to London tomorrow sadly, by the time I wake up got to the tube station and into London it'll be late and probably Dark, not into London's nightlife just yet, museums will be closed too I expect, oh well will have to try for next Saturday, as I really want to go in and see that event.
Well night night Zaf, hoping your ok too.
Take good care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul, I second that, improvement is really obvious since you have been on the forum. You must give yourself a massive pat on the back. Well done :)
Thank you Lol, I'm obviously stronger than I thought, plus help from everyone one else too makes a difference,
Cheers and take good care,
Night
Paul :)
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Thank you Zaf,
I haven't thought of any other ways really to get to sleep, I've never been a book reader although have given it a go and it's just not me, the CD doesn't really work, the radio does if its a plain story on but if its a comedy I can't help but lay and listen to it, TV I just end up watching it, Usually when I feel tired and go and lay down I can sometimes have a couple of hours sleep, I've tried to stay awake during whats left of the day if I'm at home, but then I end up with a headache and then still can't get to sleep at night, then I just lay there for ages, when I eventually get to sleep I usually have about 5-7 hours in one go, so in away it completely messes up my day and I did say this to my counsellor, which is why I ended up with the CD. Days when I'm out of the house I'm a little better, I don't get a headache, but then I still don't get to sleep later that night, I will overcome it though and getting to do more things will get me there.
I'm meeting two from the Lions Club next Monday evening, quite looking forward to it, but looking at the time now, I can't see me going to London tomorrow sadly, by the time I wake up got to the tube station and into London it'll be late and probably Dark, not into London's nightlife just yet, museums will be closed too I expect, oh well will have to try for next Saturday, as I really want to go in and see that event.
Well night night Zaf, hoping your ok too.
Take good care,
Paul :)
What is the CD you're using Paul? I have one that is the sound of waves rippling up and down a beach, if I can imagine myself on a sunny beach while I'm listening to it that can sometimes help.
Your meeting with the Lions people is a very positive step forward and really shows how much you are improving which is wonderful :)
Thinking of you
Xx
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What is the CD you're using Paul? I have one that is the sound of waves rippling up and down a beach, if I can imagine myself on a sunny beach while I'm listening to it that can sometimes help.
That would sound better, its gentle organ music I think, it's just the guy talking over it all the time with a funny voice (well it sounds funny to me), I know it's supposed to help you relax, but I think just the music would have been better on its own, perhaps a second track on the CD with just the music would have been better.
Didn't feel that good saturday, slept most of the day, didn't wake up till gone 1pm, just felt so tired still, had something to eat anyway and went back and laid down again, next thing I knew Strictly Come Dancing was about to start, watched that and then slept some more, was up at 5am, went back about 11am slept some more till about 3pm, had something to eat, had another sleep for about an hour or so and been awake ever since, just seems to go that way sometimes at the moment, I have a mass of sleep and then a day or so where I can't get to sleep properly, but it seems it's the way it is at the moment till I can get over this. Got to see the doctor on Tuesday, so will see what he has to say.
Take care Zaf and hope all is well,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
I think different CDs would suit different people, I do find the one with the waves really very relaxing expecially if I can think of myself on that warm sunny beach!
I think weird sleep patterns is par for the course, it certainly affects me a lot even now that I am beginning to recover a bit. Its definitely a good idea to speak to your doctor about it though.
Give your mum a big hug from me
Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
Seeing the doctor today as it is now, so will mention what happened over the weekend, it continued as I had a nap after that message last night, but was up about 4am again, just couldn't settle so came down and had a cuppa, came back up awhile later 6am I think and slept till 2pm, my mum thinks it may be time to ease off the anti-depressants, well I'll see what the Doctor says first, it does make it hard to get a routine in place, when I see the counsellor again I tell him about the CD, but he did say it may or may not work and some throw it in the bin.
Met two from the Lions Club tonight in a quaint little pub not far from Stansted Airport, had a lovely chat and talked about what they do in the community and about the other members, what we did in the Club I was in etc, good evening all round, I was a bit worried that I would shake like I did when doing that job a while ago, but I didn't and I felt good after, got the meal to go on the 10th when I meet all the others, I might shake a bit then I guess.
Saw Deal or No Deal today on C4, the young lady on there cried nearly all the time through opening the boxes, turned out she suffered from depression too, was happy only when spending money to help others or something like that, got herself into debt from it, really felt for her after she had dealt at £26000 and had £75000 in her box and was I think offered £150000 at one point, think she used up all the tissues in the box she had there.
Better get some sleep if I can before seeing the doctor,
Take Care and Night Night,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
Its definitely best to check with your GP before altering your dose, Ive done that in the past only to find it was a backwards step, I've not been sleeping properly again but I forgot to use the aromatherapy oil for the last couple of nights so that may be the reason.
Your meeting with the Lions people sounds very positive, especially as you werent shaking, thats a huge forward step :)
Hope all goes well with the doctor.
Thinking of you xx
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Hi Zaf,
The Doctors said I still have to stay with the anti-depressants, so it's a good job I didn't stop them, he said my blood pressure was still high so got more tablets to take, got a blood test to have as well and to wear a monitor from my next check up. He did say that an all soft gentle carming music CD might be better for me, but going on the last few days I seem to have sleeping sickness, really struggle to stay awake at times, I almost didn't go to the doctors, the appointment was 2.20pm and I was still asleep at 2pm, mum woke me and off we rushed, luckily the doctors is not far away, must admit had a headache following that, sadly he is leaving the practice now, told me he was going back to work at the hospital, shame because he was really good, got a survey to fill in now, top marks from me, anyway I haven't got to see a doctor until February now, so thats a bonus, unless I suddenly slip backwards again that is.
My mum thought I wasn't going to go to see those Lions Club Members, I did have a few moments when I felt the same, but I knew I could do it, I think its because there is no pressure with being a member, you can do as little or as much as you like supporting the things they do, also it depends on your commitments elsewhere too, plus I know all of them can be really friendly people from all walks of life and it can be very rewarding as well, I'm pleased with myself for going and so was my doctor too.
Hoping you using the aromatherapy oils again, couldn't email a copy of that CD could you... only joking
Was gone midday when I woke up again today, then we went over to my brothers this evening as it was his grandsons birthday, struggled to stay awake, had a small nap when I got home and now after only being awake for about an hour or so I'm feeling tired again, see how I sleep tonight,
Take Care, Night night,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul, its never a good idea to stop ADs without the doctor's advice as from my experience its usually advised to come off them slowly over a few weeks or months. I find leeping too much is just as bad as not sleeping enough imo, Its one of the things I find very diffcult to cope with :( Its a shame your doctor is leaving but there's no reason why you wont get one equally good or even better :)
Seeing the Lions club people really shows how much you are progressing, you should be proud of yourself for being strong enough to go and for finding positive ways of getting yourself better :)
At the moment nothing is helping me sleep unfortunately but I'll keep trying! I can always let you have the name of the CD if you think it might help....
Take care, Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
I would always try to follow what the doctor said, I have missed a few of the tablets accidentally and I haven't noticed any difference, but then the most I've missed I think have been 2 in a row as a guess, I seem to go from having a number of days sleeping a lot and then a week or so not sleeping that good or vice versa, never seems to be regular, so I couldn't set a routine on anything I'd like to do, the counsellor asked me of a typical day, well it depends on how I am sleeping at the time, when I get up and how I feel etc, I assume thats why I ended up with the CD, got to see him again on Monday.
I don't know why but I just felt it was time to get involved with the Lions again a few weeks ago, maybe thats why I was happy to go, whatever it was I am glad I did go and felt good to have done so, all I hope is that I don't have a panic, start shaking the moment when it's time to go for the meal on the 10th and meeting the rest of them, we shall see.
At the moment nothing is helping me sleep unfortunately but I'll keep trying! I can always let you have the name of the CD if you think it might help....
Worth a try I suppose, perhaps you ought to try my CD in return, the relaxing exercises he talks of might help, you might also take him a bit more seriously than I have,
Thinking of you too and hope you have had a good nights sleep since my last message,
take care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
Its surprising how many people have a good week or two and think they can stop their medication, its good to hear you're planning to follow their advice and stick with it till they think its time to come off.
I think these weird sleep patterns are fairly common, they certainly are for me, I've done a bit better the last few days by remembering the essential oil, I only woke up 3-4 times after about midnight the last few days then with the help of the essential oils I managed to get back to sleep after a few minutes each time rather than tossing and turning for hours and eventually getting up.
I'm sure you'll be nervous but I hope it goes well for you, do you have any breathing exercises you can do or any coping mechanisms? I imagine I am breathing in gas and air (like the paramedics give people) but mine is anti stress instead of painkiller gas, breath the gas in deeply and imagine the calming gas and breath out the stress, it might work for you too :)
I'll dig out the CD for you and send the title etc, I'll definitely give yours a try if you think it might help :)
Hope your counselling session goes well
take care, love Zaf xx
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Hi Zaf,
I think your right, woke up about 10am this morning and been awake all day, now I just can't get to sleep, spent the last few hours laying there with my eyes closed, no TV or Radio, then tried the Radio, now put the TV on and computer, I obviously slept about 3 days in a row, so now its about 3 days for me to be awake.
Was hoping to get into London Saturday, actually woke up about 7am, took tablets, had breakfast and got ready, I was feeling light headed though, think it was the blood pressure tablets starting to work, went and laid down till it went away, next thing I know its gone 3pm, I couldn't believe it, oh well I'll have to go another time, got something happening every day this week (thats if I don't sleep through it all) then the meal on Saturday with the Lions.
The CD I have looks like a copy with relaxation written in marker pen on it, it lasts 40 minutes and he says things like, lay or sit on the bed, now do some slow breathing in and out, then clench your toes for a minute and release, now your fists, then the stomach etc, I not sure what size the file would be if I copied it to my computer, if it's not to big I could send it to you by email perhaps if you would like to try it.
I'll see how I go on Saturday, I don't have any ways around being anxious, but if I feel shakey then I'll try your breathing idea before going ahead, (much the same on that CD in a way), I am hoping though I shall be ok, having met two of them may help ease things a bit.
The counsellor gave me goals of going to London, the theatre and voluntary work, well I have made and got the rolling on the voluntary side of things with the Lions, just haven't done the other two, but I will, lets see what he says later.
take care and hopefully having a good nights sleep,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
I sometimes wonder if we should let our bodies tell us when we need to sleep etc while we are ill but of course its not always convenient! Its a shame you missed your trip to London but the positive thing is that you planned to go so a big step forward :) just dont fall asleep On Saturday and miss the Lions dinner......
It sound like you have a good counsellor and you are making huge strides forward and you will do all those things in time, just dont forget that you might have a slight downward blip after any big challenge and feel proud you did it rather than disappointed you have a day or so feeling slightly worse.
It would be lovely if you could email the CD to me, I'll pm you my address. The CD I have of waves is called Spirit of Relaxation, Ocean Surf- I'm nos sure how big it is but I could copy it and try to email that to you if ypu like.
Despite sleeping for 2-3 hours yesterday afternoon I did sleep well thank you so I'll keep my fingers crossed its the start of some better nights sleep.
Thinking of you
Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
Visiting the Counsellor went ok, he was pleased with my progress, (I only met the Lions which was only one of the things on the list), with the sleeping issue, I told him once I'm asleep I sleep for hours, just getting to sleep seems to be the problem. he said I should have a shower before going to bed, if I have a hot drink don't have coffee or tea, don't get up and eat in the night either, he also said maybe I should re-arrange my bedroom to fool my mind into sleeping, not a bad idea, but the room is only 12 by 8, the bed is the biggest bit of furniture in there, I could move it a couple of inches I suppose to see if that works.....made my mum laugh when I said that.....
I'm hoping I will be awake for the meal on Saturday, most days I seem to wake up about midday, the latest I have got up is about 3pm, I'm determined to go even if shaking to start with, once there I know I shall be ok.
Went round to one of my aunts last night, on the way round to her flat my mum tripped up the top step near the front door of the building, she couldn't stop laughing for some reason as I picked her up off the floor, she trapped her thumb in the car door last week too and had to have it checked, I don't know, at least she's ok, anyway my aunts son apparently went though depression too quite a few years ago and also struggled with sleeping, she said he asked the doctor for sleeping tablets, but he wouldn't give him any, he said he only wanted 5 or 6 just to try and get his sleeping cycle back to normal, so he did give him the tablets, well she said it worked for a couple of weeks and then he slowly went back to the old sleeping cycle again, she just said you have got to let all of this work it's way out of your system by grabbing any or all the possitives you can get hold of, something I'm trying to do...
I will set about copying the CD, like the counsellor said, it works for some people, but others end up throwing it in the bin.
Well hopefully your night time sleeping has continued, fingers crossed,
Take care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul, that all sounds very positive :)
I read somewhere that a hot milky drink was supposed to get you to sleep but I'm allergic to milk and soya milk definitely doesnt work for me! In the past a warm bath has helped me sleep, I'd forgotten about that one so I might try it again if I need to. My problem isnt so much getting to sleep but waking up a lot after a few hours, somedays are better than others but I will keep persisting and hopefully it'll all get back to normal before too long
Ouch, your poor mum, I do hope she's OK but at least you had a laugh and you made me smile thinking about moving your bedroom round :)
I'll be thinking of you Saturday, and hope you enjoy yourself once you get there and settled down.
With love, Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
Had a really good evening with the Lions Club, coped with it really well, the only time I started shaking was when it was time to leave (about half eleven) and was chatting to some of them as they began leaving, one said she had gone through depression too and I wasn't to worry as they are friendly bunch and will help me settle in, the meal was really nice too, next time I see them will be in January.
Haven't tried a shower before bed yet, but thats the problem I have, once a sleep it's the waking up that's the next problem, thats why the morning has gone by the time I get up, I did move my bed by the way a couple of inches, didn't work!, oh well, will have to try the shower technique I suppose. Yes I didn't like soya milk either, remember a job we did some years ago the lady there couldn't tolerate diary products, she made us a cup of tea with soya milk, it was horrible!!, my dad usually has a hot chocolate before going to bed, not horlicks but a tesco own brand, will have to check the label to see what added, might be an idea.
Mum is ok and remarkable I think, a lot of it is because I think she is worrying about me, my sister-in-law that is having chemo thats giving her up and down days too, plus working at a playgroup 5 mornings a week, its could be why she a bit accident prone just lately, she is trying not to get to worried but its got to be hard not to be.
Mum spoke to my wife on the phone the other night and had a lovely conversation, I didn't speak to her, but from what mum says she was calm and talking about her work and that, her mum wasn't there so it's probably why she was at ease, I just spoke to my boys of which I couldn't get my youngest to stop talking when he was on, was talking to me for over an hour mainly about a book he had got and was reading it to me over the phone.
Well another step forward for me, I know I have still a way to go, but I was proud of myself Saturday evening, I still want to get into London though, but I either sleep for hours or shake and back out at the moment, but I will get there....
Hope all is well, take care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul,
Thats great to hear :) now you can look forward to seeing them again in January without being too worried.
I've started not waking up in the mornings too but I'm going to sleep around 8pm! I think our bodies take what we need when they need it and although its really inconvenient perhaps we simply have to accept it and let nature dictate what she wants and go with it as much as we can.
You're probably right about your mum, being a bit preoccupied might make her more accident prone unfortunately, I think she is a wonderful mum and you are lucky to have each other :)
Its good to hear your wife was nicer this time, hopefully it will continue but as you say, if her mother wasnt there that might be the reason. Its lovely to hear your boys are so enthusiastic to talk to you, they must help a lot with your recovery, are they able to visit over the christmas holidays?
You will do it Paul, you have improved so very much since you started posting and you have the right attitude :)
Take care
Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
It's seems at the moment I get to sleep about 4-5am, then wake up about 8-9am, so I decide to take my tablets when I wake and lay down again, the blood pressure tablets make me a little light headed for a minute or so or though it's not as bad as when I first took them, the next thing I know its gone midday, but I do feel tired most of the day anyway and if not careful can have a doze during the day, my mum thinks the tablets are making me feel tired, but I think your right we seem to take sleep as and when we need it.
The other day me, mum & dad, with me driving went to Cheshunt Tesco christmas shopping about 17 miles from us here, forgot just how big that store is, managed to get nearly all what we wanted, yesterday morning my dad took his car to be serviced, so I managed to stay awake to go and pick him up, then a little later went over and got my sister-in-law as she can't drive, later when my brother finished work he came over and we all went back to that Tesco again, today I slept it all off I think.
I'm hoping we can get the boys here after Christmas if the weather isn't to bad for the journey, be nice to have them here again, they did ask on the phone if they were coming up, but it's why we did some christmas shopping, we wanted to send a parcel of gifts to the boys so they have something to open on christmas morning from me, my mum has sent a couple of things too, my mum has finished work today for the christmas holidays, so thats one thing off her mind.
I have enquired about a web development course, all about building websites, something I would love to do, it's a home course so there is no pressure behind it apart from finding the money to pay for it, while I'm not working and only on ESA payments, I don't know if there are benefits to help with these things or not, it's something I will have to find out I suppose, I see the counsellor again on Monday, wonder if he will know.
Hope our body clocks sort themselves out soon,
Take Care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
You are doing so incredibly well, you are an inspiration to others that suffer a breakdown by showing them how a bit of determination and a supportive family can make such a huge difference and its wonderful you are planning to do a course :) I would the Citizens Advice Beauro (spelling?!) might know about benefits if your counsellor doesnt.
My husband (David) and I are trying allsorts to get my sleeping back to some sort of normality, I have a busy week at work next week so I might take half a diazepan tonight as I feel constanty washed out, I think I shall go to see my GP in the New Year about it if things dont improve soon. If I didnt have to work I'd probably let nature take its course which I'm sure would eventually get my sleep patterns sorted out as I do very much think our bodies take what they want when they want but unfortunately thats not always convenient!
I'll keep my fingers crossed the weather improves so you can have your boys with you over the holiday period
Love to and your wonderful mum
Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
Thank you :) well I always knew where I wanted to be and I think that's some of it, even though going through a breakdown I knew that, always said this to the doctor from the first time I met him too, it's just a lot of very tall hurdles to get over, of course your right I think the doctor, this website, my mum and family around me have done wonders to help in lowering those hurdles too, I wouldn't have made it this far without all that, yes I know there are a few more to get over, I too am really pleased at where I am now, just got to get out of my sleeping problems and overcome my anxiety towards work etc and I'm sure I will feel even better then, chatting with my counsellor yesterday he said I'm struggling to be assertive, not being able to say no that easy and says it's linked to me doing any work, from what was said between us, he says I'm worried I might end up with more work than I can cope with, so it's knocking me back, could be some of it.
He said if I can get all the information together about the course I want to do and feels I could do it, then he will look into it and see what funds they can supply for it, so that sounds good, I do think I'd be happier working on websites than going back into the building trade again.
I suppose not working or having that much happening in my life is perhaps why I tend to end up sleeping at all times of the day, that and the tablets too, then again I don't know what sleeping pattern I'd have if I was happen to be working, today I went to bed at about midnight and as yet haven't slept a wink, I now feel really tired and starting to get a headache, I shall have to lay down after this I think, I have an appointment for a blood pressure check at half past two, so if I go to sleep I just hope I don't oversleep.
I was going to email you that cd wasn't I, it may be to big as an attachment to be sent though, many email accounts wont let you send over a certain size, but there are other ways to send it over the internet if you still having trouble sleeping and would like to try it.
Take good care,
Paul :)
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Hi Paul
Its great to hear you sounding so very positive, just look back at some of your posts and you'll see a huge difference :)
Its very common for people that get depressed to be 'yes' people, thats partly what started off my recent episode of depression, I just took on far too much and overloaded myself physically and mentally, it is something you need to be careful about and really listen to what your counsellor has said, its great he is in tune with things like that.
Sleep disturbances are one of the most difficult to get sorted out in my experience, I consider myself to be well on the way to recovery but the last 3 nights Ive taken a half dose of diazepam so I get a complete night's sleep, it does eventually improve but its definitely worth asking your doctor if he has any other ideas on the subject.
It would be great if you could get the cd over to me somehow but please dont let it worry you if you cant, its really lovely for you to offer :)
Thinking of you and your family, I hope you have a lovely Christmas together
Z xx
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Hi Zaf,
I think that's exactly whats happen to me, I have always been a person willing to help anyone within reason, never really one to say no that much as I hate letting people down, always found it hard sometimes I suppose to say no, and I guess with that, all the family crisis, trying to run the business and the mother-in-law verbal attack is what caught me so to speak, be interesting to see how he goes about it.
My mum worries about me sleeping at different times of the day, she is blaming the anti-depressants and thinks they are the cause, I must admit I could drop of to sleep quite easily any time of the day without thinking if not doing much, except when it's time to go to bed, can lay there for ages, I seem to sleep straight after taking my tablets in the morning though, did try and take them just before bedtime one night, didn't work, still slept the morning away later on and a bit of the evening too, seems I only get up to eat...
The next few days are busy, so it may help me, tomorrow we are visiting my uncle and his menagerie, sorry family, he had four children some who are now parents themselves, so there will be 4 kids there 6 and under too, one was only born a couple of weeks ago, that and a mass of pets they have, then my mum, brother and sister-in-law want to go to midnight mass, I always used to go so will too, then Christmas day will be at my brothers, (once I'm up that is), and then they come over on Boxing day, like you say, from my first message on here till now, I do far more now than I did, so we will see what happens.
I think I see the doctor in late January next, that and another blood test and pressure check, if I'm still not sleeping to good after Christmas I will have to look into going back earlier.
Have a fabulous Christmas too Zaf, and I wish a Merry Christmas to all the others on here too.
Take care and thinking of you too,
Paul :)
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Have a lovely Christmas and New Year Paul. Well done for your journey so far you have done so well and inspired many people on here with your strength and your lovely mum! Have a great time, relax and enjoy yourself.
Lol :)
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Hi Paul
I think many people who suffer from depression do the dame thing then suddenly things go to overload for one reason or another and, wham, a breakdow :(
I know its a few weeks till you see your doctor but I'd suggest asking him if the medication could be causing your sleep problems if he says they arent then it will put your mum's mind at rest. Weird sleep patterns are very usual for those of us suffering from depression :(
Try to allow yourself to rest if you need it over this busy time, have a great Christmas
Love to you and your lovely mum xx