Hello My Name Is Paul

[Paulnp63]

Hi Zaf,

I most probably did do to much, I've been backing out of job opportunies for weeks, I knew I could do the jobs, I mean I have worked all my life, some 30 years, yet here I am shuddering and falling apart at doing them, I constantly look through the job ads, seen a number I could easily do, but thats all I do, look, it's amazing how this illness can knock you down

Thanks Paul, thats a lovely thing to say  :)

Your welcome Zaf, hope I can do the same on here too and help somebody, I am glad I found the forum and how much it's helped me, my doctor said continue to come on here, so he obviously thought the same :)

I suddenly realised last night laying in bed about a number I was given that I can call if I can't cope, stressed or really need help, trust me to think about that afterwards.

Interesting, I know we used to buy a certain fragrant bath wash to use bathing the boys years ago, it did seem to calm them down and sometimes help them sleep, can't think what it was called now, I was and still do sometimes put radio 4 extra (on freeview or DAB) on over night as tv just made me want to watch it and never get to sleep, with radio I lay there with my eyes closed listening and slowly it got me to sleep, even if it was only for a few hours, unless its a comedy show that is.

Thanks Zaf, will pass the hug on,

Take care, sleep well,

Paul  :)

[Zaf]

Its surprising how things we have done for years suddenly become a huge task, its very normal to feel like that and it does get easier but its usually better not to throw yourself into huge things all at once!

I'm sure you'll be able to help people with advice before long,  you probably do anyway just telling us of how you feel as lots of guests pop in and presumably read the posts, so its quite likely someone has read your posts and they have recognised their symptoms or prompted them to go to their doctor.

We never think of those numbers for some reason, but its good to hear you have one for an emergency :)

Take care
Z xx

[Paulnp63]

Thats true Zaf, remember when finding the forum myself and briefly looking through before joining at the posts, I do hope our messages have helped others as they have helped me. I know what you mean, I do feel as though I could go back to work, but then I start wondering if when the opportunity does come up will I fall apart as I did last time and it becomes a big task, yet I don't want to sit about, but I don't seem to have much energy to do anything about, my mum says the same, got to do things slowly, but what jobs are like that I'm wondering.

My eldest called today to say he wasn't to well and been sick over night, I said I wish I could give him a cuddle to help him get well again, he said but you will become ill then, I just said but if it helps to make you feel better thats ok, he agreed and was happy with that, youngest just wanted to give me his christmas list and ask if I was wearing a poppy  :) Normally we would have walked in the parade to the memorial with the other cubs/scouts and beavers so I guess thats why he asked.

Just seen the time, will see if I can get to sleep,

Night Zaf, hope all is well,

Paul  :)

[Zaf]

Hi Paul

You do definitely need to take things slowly,  its so easy to have a set back if you do too much too soon, but it sounds as though you are progressing steadily which is great news :)

Its really lovely you are having regular contact with your sons, will you be able to have them visit you again sometime in the near future?

Take care
Z xx

[Paulnp63]

Hi Zaf,

It feels so strange and in someways frustrating, I seem to understand I need to take things slowly and that I have to, yet feel I could do a million things like I used to and get on with life, I suppose it's like part of my brain saying yes you can do it and another part saying no let me recover first.

I'm hoping the weather will be ok so the boys can come up after Christmas, we always agreed together to spend Christmas at home so Father Christmas knew where to find the boys, then travel from either boxing day or the day after depending on weather to my mums here, once they were old enough we would then change the routine in time, so thats what I'm hoping and what they seem to be thinking.

I sent an email to District area Lions Club Organisation asking if I can be transferred to a local club near me here, got a message back the club I've chosen would hopefully be in touch soon, I'm sure and hoping it will be another step in helping me recover from this, it will give me a chance to meet new people and to ease me out and about a bit more, plus do some good in the community as time goes by.

Struggled to sleep last night, don't know why, just laid in bed and just couldn't get to sleep, I tried for ages with and without the radio, even tried with the tv on too, eventually got up about half past 6 and had a cup of tea and some toast, came back up a couple of hours later and slept till gone midday, then this evening put the Goons on Radio 4 extra and the next I knew it was half past 10, so I suppose I am out of sync again now.

Hope all is well Zaf,

Take care,

Paul  :)

[Zaf]

H Paul

It can be very frustrating but you do need to take things easily,  have you thought of keeping a diary so you can look back and see what progress youve made since you were taken ill?  I find it helps on days that I'm not doing so well to actually see that Ive made progress.

It would be a great boost for you if they can come up at Christmas, and also lovely for them too.  I'll keep my fingers crossed that the weather stays good for you.

Its very usual to have weird sleep patterns, have you tried anthing like essential oils to help you sleep?  I have found it useful and they wont clash with any medication - most people try lavender first but I cant use it as I'm allergic to it and makes me sneeze!  If you dont fancy the smell or it doesnt work I'll get a list from my friend who is a qualified aromatherapist and you can try them one at a time!

Hope you get news from the Lions Club soon.

Z xxx

[Lol]

Hi Paul, I think your feelings of frustration over taking things slowly are to do with what you know yourself to be capable of versus being temporarily incapacitated. It is very frustrating, but I'm glad you can rationalise in your head what you need to do as this will be key to furhter improvements. I think you are doing very well. You have been through so much and although there are still stumbling blocks like insomnia and lethargy you sound from your posts to be more positive and in control that you first were. this is excellent. Well done Paul.

[isserley]

Hi Paul
I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened, I am myself in a very depressed state and desperate situation (no job, boyfriend left me, antidepressants etc) and I know that it is a vicious circle, or 'snowball effect' ie. one bad event happens which gets you down and then it feels like everything else falls apart too.
I am here if you would like to chat. Stay strong and positive, it is very important in times like this.
Do things you enjoy if possible...
Isserley.

[Paulnp63]

Hi Zaf,

Never thought of writing a diary, just thought much of it will already be written as posts on here, so will have to look back through and see our past posts.

I haven't tried anything to get to sleep other than listening to the radio with my eyes closed or just laying down, it does work sometimes, but I only sleep for about 2 or 3 hours at any one time once I do get to sleep. that reminds me, that's what was in the baby wash some posts ago, lavender, that and something else, used to calm the boys down a bit sometimes, I'll have to get some and let you know if it works.

The president of the Lions Club called this evening and we had a chat, he is sending me details of their Christmas Dinner event which will be on December 10th to me, I can then decide over the menu and meet up with them then, the good thing is they don't expect full commitment 100% of the time, so I can gently work with them over time and do more as time goes by, sounds like he may want someone to help with their website, so thats an easy task I could do :)

Thanks Zaf and take care,

Paul  :)

[Paulnp63]

Hi Paul, I think your feelings of frustration over taking things slowly are to do with what you know yourself to be capable of versus being temporarily incapacitated. It is very frustrating, but I'm glad you can rationalise in your head what you need to do as this will be key to furhter improvements.

Hi Lol,

I read that a couple of times before I grasped what you were saying, sorry must be me being tired, but yes your right thats how it is, it's the old take one day at a time scenario, at least joining with the Lions again may help progress my improvement, got to see my counsellor tomorrow for the first time, finally having a meeting setup helped a little too.

Take care Lol,

Paul  :)

[Paulnp63]

Hi Paul
I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened, I am myself in a very depressed state and desperate situation (no job, boyfriend left me, antidepressants etc) and I know that it is a vicious circle, or 'snowball effect' ie. one bad event happens which gets you down and then it feels like everything else falls apart too.
I am here if you would like to chat. Stay strong and positive, it is very important in times like this.
Do things you enjoy if possible...
Isserley.

Thank you Isserley,

I can really relate to what you have said and I really sympathise with what your going though too, hoping you have some positives to look too to help?, yes the one person you hope that would stand by you and help, in my case my wife, walks away or throws you out, it's just a shame they couldn't find a way to understand, thankfully I have had my mum and immediate family here to help me, it's gone a long way to adding positives instead of negatives I was getting a few months ago, the doctor was a good move too, he was very understanding and so was joining this site a good move, met some lovely people on here with some good advice, I have begun to realise over the weeks I'm not going to leap about as if nothings happened and go back to work, for me at times I really do wish I had someone like my wife (not just my mum) to cuddle me and say they are here for me, think that would have helped a lot. Got my boys to look forward to coming up again soon I hope, I know they'll give me a good cuddle :)

Wishing you all the best and hope some positives come your way,

Till later, look after yourself,

Paul  :)

[isserley]

Thank you!
I am so pleased to read such a positive message from you, that's awesome!
Keep up the positivity and I wish you luck with everything (you'll be fine! give it time)
Isserley

[Paulnp63]

Thank you!
I am so pleased to read such a positive message from you, that's awesome!
Keep up the positivity and I wish you luck with everything (you'll be fine! give it time)
Isserley

it's what I hope for Isserley, I hope my message has made you feel a bit more possitive too, well having spent some time with the counsellor today, got through the questions and heard my story he said I had lost my confidence and to try and avoid my mother-in-law, basically said more or less what I knew and whats been talked about beforehand, think Zaf said something like this in another post to me, he did say I should try and see if I can return to what I did some years ago which I really enjoyed doing, I love going to cities, events, museums and historic places, I use to years ago go into London each Saturday throughout the winter months, so thats one of my targets, plus continue with trying to get involved with the Lions Club, he also gave me a relaxation pack to try in the hope it will help me get to sleep at night, after i posted the message I went to bed, it was about an hour later I got to sleep, woke up about midday and have felt tired most of the day, almost fell asleep in the waiting room waiting to see the counsellor, laid watching Children in need, how can you sleep tonight with excellent entertainment like that on, only broke away to check emails and this forum before going back to watch.

Keep possitive too Isserley!!!!

Paul  :)

[isserley]

My counsellor rang me yesterday and my first session is scheduled for next Monday!
I am very excited and hoping it will help somewhat, but I think it will.
I live in London and love museums too, if you ever want to go to one together and make a new friend, just let me know!
Have a great weekend!
Isserley

[Zaf]

Hi Paul, thats all sounding very positive, just read back some of your earlier posts and you'll see a huge diffefence :)

It would be great if the lavender works, if not there are othets that might help.

Thinking of you

Z xx