Hello My Name Is Paul

[Paulnp63]

Its seems very unfair that your wife is being so negative, hopefully when you feel a bit better you can arrange to see them, would it be possible for them to come up to see you?

At the moment I don't feel like I want to see or speak to her in person, just knocks me down each message I get from her as it is, got an email from her last night moaning about things and not a word asking about us and if we are alright, knocked me down for whole of today. My brother has suggested we meet them halfway so we just have the boys here possibly at half term for the week, don't think I'm strong enough to drive to far at the moment to do it myself.

Haven't heard when my counselling is to happen yet, my mum was saying this afternoon looking at the jobcentre medical form we have to fill in before November, that I'll be working before then, don't think that helped me feel any better either.

[Paulnp63]

Morning Paul
Hope your day goes well
XX

I was ok till I read my wifes email this morning and my mum mentioned going back to work, knocked me down for best part of the day.

[Paulnp63]

Paul I'm glad you are starting to feel stronger and that you are able to go out and see everyone. Things will be more tiring than you're used to but you are doing the right thing in letting yourself rest. Well done.

Thanks Lol,

I'm the complete opposite these days, sleep much much more than I am awake, I wasn't sure I should be that way, but so many are saying it's ok to do so and will help me recover, will have to see what tomorrow brings.

Cheers

[Zaf]

Its normal to sleep a lot Paul, its your body trying to help itself recover.

It sounds a good idea if your brother would drive you half way to meet your boys, its certainly not a good idea to drive if you arent feeling up to it.  As to your wifes texts and mails, would it be possible for you to let someone else to read them first and screen them for you so you dont have to read anything upsetting?

As for work, unless things have changed the way things work since I had to be off sick with depression,  your doctor will tell you when he thinks you are able to go back to work and if you can do part time only, dont worry about work at the moment, try to take each day as it comes xx

[Depina]

Hi Paul
Sleep does seem to be one of the effects.
Tired myself and off to bed. Sleep well XX

[Paulnp63]

As to your wifes texts and mails, would it be possible for you to let someone else to read them first and screen them for you so you dont have to read anything upsetting?

I have tried to teach my mum to use a computer over the years with no luck, although she can text on a mobile phone with ease, I'm not sure it would help as if I know there is a message it's bound to be unpleasant, She called this evening and my mum answered, I was asleep at the time, she wanted to talk to me about a message left on the answer machine there for me, she also had a huge moan about what I had done and that she is having to do everything, getting the boys ready for school, going to work, housework etc, I said sorry for being ill I wish I could help, she had another go at me, she also had a go about me not answering her text messages, I did say why and she exploded again about me having a life of leisure and having people running around for me and not having to worry about things like she has and not having time to worry about us here, before I hung up, I have just recovered enough to use the computer after that, I did get to speak to the boys first while on the phone.

Paul

[Paulnp63]

Hi Paul
Sleep does seem to be one of the effects.
Tired myself and off to bed. Sleep well XX

I can go to bed and lay for ages before getting to sleep most nights, I suppose its why I sleep during the day sometimes instead or as well as, as you can imagine if you have read my message above, I couldn't get to sleep, but going back to try again.

Night

Paul

[Zaf]

Its sad your wife doesnt seem to understand how ill you are and of course its not helping your recovery, is it possible that one of your family could explain or even get something in writing from your doctor?

The less kind side of me is thinking "at least now she should be appreciating how much you did while you were there"  perhaps thats unfair, I dont know.

I wonder if its possible to write or mail her to say you're sorry this has happened and why then explain how you feel, or do you think that would do more harm than good?

Xx

[Lol]

Paul have I missed something? your wife is moaning about what you've done? Wasn't it her own mother that threw you out? I think you should be explaining that because they are unable to appreciate you they have driven you to distraction and an apology is necessary if she wants you to come back and help out! What absolute abuse!!! It sounds as if they are very angry and guilty with themselves actually and think they are protecting themselves by pushing all the blame on you. Is it possible that they simply don't know what to do , what depression is, and how to support you? Can you say I feel this, I now have this, I think its because of this, I need this?

[Depina]

Hi Paul

Sorry for all your aggro,
Hoping that things start getting easier for you
You would feel so much better if your family were more understanding.
I just hope you can move on,
Rest as you need it if you can.
XXX

[Paulnp63]

Its sad your wife doesnt seem to understand how ill you are and of course its not helping your recovery, is it possible that one of your family could explain or even get something in writing from your doctor?

Hi Zaf

My mum did have a heated discussion with her on the phone not long after I got here and seen the doctor, she tried to explain to her I wasn't well, starting medication and what depression was and possible effects, also to go and look it up, but it seems she is wearing blinkers and wants to taunt me with the problems that came up around me I struggled to deal with and her problems now, it just seems no matter what I say I'm wrong, I think its why I feel like I do. Not thought about sending dotors stuff, but I wonder would she take notice on them anyway.

Through all this my mum asked what did she want me to do, she never gave an answer, also asked if she wanted me back to help, she said no, don't want to go back anyway.

Paul

[Paulnp63]

Paul have I missed something? your wife is moaning about what you've done? Wasn't it her own mother that threw you out? I think you should be explaining that because they are unable to appreciate you they have driven you to distraction and an apology is necessary if she wants you to come back and help out! What absolute abuse!!! It sounds as if they are very angry and guilty with themselves actually and think they are protecting themselves by pushing all the blame on you. Is it possible that they simply don't know what to do , what depression is, and how to support you? Can you say I feel this, I now have this, I think its because of this, I need this?

I feel its my fault, I started my own business, made mistakes, couldn't pay business bills etc, lost my business and got in a mess and tried my hardest to sort it out, lost my wife, family, home, friends there, it's my fault it happen and I can't cope with why I did it, it would be nice for her to see what I went through and now going through, I have explained and apologised lots, but its as if she doesn't care, we here are sure much of this is under her mums influence and why her mum had a go at me and threw me out, she is always more aggressive on the phone when her mum is there, you can hear her mum prompting in background sometimes, don't think my mother-in-law has ever liked me, not that I have ever done anything to upset or annoy her, always there to help, but my mum says it's probably because I am just a builder and not in a top high paid job, I was never good enough for her daughter.

Paul

[Paulnp63]

Hi Paul

Sorry for all your aggro,
Hoping that things start getting easier for you
You would feel so much better if your family were more understanding.
I just hope you can move on,
Rest as you need it if you can.
XXX

Thank you, My mum is brilliant, not sure what I would be like without her, would love my wife to understand, I just feel a bit better, then a message or something from her comes up and down I go again, I hope I can get past this feeling and move on.

Paul

[Zaf]

We all make mistakes in life Paul and I know running a small business is b%#*$y hard, especially with the financial situation as it is.  You might be right tbat your mother in law is at least partly to blame for your wife's unreasonable attitude; her unpleasant messages are obviously causing you a lot of upset and probably hindering your recovery, somehow you do need to either tell her that or avoid the messages and get someone to censor the bad bits and only tell you anything that is absolutely necessary.

Its great your mum is helping you so much, try not to dwell too much on the past (very difficult I know) and concentrate on getting well when you'll be able to deal with problems more easily

[Depina]

Hi Paul
Just to say thinking of you and hope you are feeling better today

my daughter in laws dad didn't like my son before they got married ( my son told me) He thought my son wasn't good enough for her
It really hurt me - never mind my son. Things seem fine now, but I can't forget.
People can be so hurtful
Take your time, as Zaf says we all mistakes. Pity they do not realise that you tried so hard to sort it out and tried your best.
Glad you've got a lovely mum
XX