Can't cope

[willows]

Dear Michael, thank you so much for your words of support. I don't know how you do it when you are suffering yourself. I never seem to be able to find the right words to offer support to anyone at the moment. Take care. Willows.

[Michael Frankum]

Hi Willows. There have been times that I've felt really awful, and luckily someone from the forum has been here. They either give invaluable advice, or when they post about how they're feeling, it sometimes lets me know that I'm not alone. You have always helped me. I know that you are there, and hearing from you makes the day seem a little less lonely.  %^%. Thank you for your kindness. Best wishes. Michael

[Pip]

Dear Michael, thank you so much for your words of support. I don't know how you do it when you are suffering yourself. I never seem to be able to find the right words to offer support to anyone at the moment. Take care. Willows.

willows, you don't have to try and find the words to support others because you are helping others by being honest about how you feel.  You never know when someone will read your posts and relate to them so they will know they're not alone  %^%

[bookletters]

I agree, Willows is helping me a LOT, I think "you are not the only one going through this and Willows's psychiatrist said you will get better so maybe that means I will too".

[willows]

I have found being at work so hard this week after being told that if I appear upset or unstable I will be taken home or to a&e. I am having to put on the pretend happy face with absolutely everyone including the people that have previously been very supportive. It is exhausting and I feel as though I am going to end up having a huge melt down at work if I have to carry on this way. I am keeping to myself at work because if I engage in conversation with even the colleagues I consider to be friends I am scared that if I start to feel tearful and am seen by a manager I will be out of the building. I can't take this pressure. Maybe I should just give up like they want.

[Buttercup]

I understand why you want to carry one working and think its very brave of you, but to stop and take a bit of sick leave would not be giving up it would just be the same as if you had to take time off for any other illness.

Xxxxxx

[willows]

I understand what you are saying Buttercup but even my psych agrees that I should carry on working because it is one of the few positive things in my life. When I am we'll I love my job and even when I am not it is still enough to get me out of bed in the mornings and give me some focus. That's why I feel so strongly about carrying on. I need a reason to get up!

[willows]

After the effort of holding it together the whole week at work I completely fell apart on the way home tonight. I had a panic attack and cried uncontrollably for a couple of hours. I really can't see any way out of this pain except death. It will be a release. I'm done

[bookletters]

No willows, please don't listen to the illness telling you this. You will be back to your happy self before you know it. Please, please don't let the illness win, don't listen to it!
You just need to be gentle and kind to yourself, we are all here to support you.
Sending you a big hug  *()

[Michael Frankum]

I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad Willows.  *() You have done amazingly well to keep it all together as well as you have. You have had to be strong, especially as you have been worried about the reaction of colleagues at work. It's little wonder that you have, as you say, fallen apart, but the thing to try to remember is that you got through it all. I know that you can't be strong all the time - nobody can - but you really should be proud of what you've achieved. Hearing how you have been managing has certainly helped me go out into the world this week, and I am grateful. You may be feeling weak now, but I'm sure that when the time is right, you can find that strength again.  %^% Take care. Thinking of you. Michael

[Buttercup]

I agree with Michael, you should be proud of what you're doing. Be kind to yourself  %^%

[willows]

Still here because when it came to it all I could think about was that it would be my youngest son (17) who would find me in the morning and the devastating effect that would have on him. I eventually got a couple of hours sleep and woke up clutching a photo of my three kids. I have flushed the massive pile of pills I had prepared down the toilet but I am left feeling so desperately low I don't know how I am going to get through today especially as i have to go to  a social event this evening and I haven't been out at all this year.
I have to go because my brother and his wife are moving a couple of hundred miles away on Tuesday and they are having a farewell do in a pub. I have to put on a happy face for them even though I am struggling with the fact that I am very close to my brother and we have always lived close to each other and been a huge part of each others lives. It feels like I am losing the only member of my family I am close to. Combine that with having to walk in to a pub on my own and meet lots of their friends i dont know, it is going to be a a very difficult evening. In fact, I don't think I am going to be able to do it....I am such a mess

[bookletters]

Willows, you should really be proud of yourself for being so brave, you are such a fighter, well done!
Every day you are closer to being well again, please remember that.
I am so pleased you didn't do something silly last night, I was thinking of you and we would have missed + your children would have their lives ruined not having their mammy.
Please give time for the meds to kick in nicely, talk to us and keep in contact with your doc so he can help you find the right treatment.
I promise, one day you will look bad and you'll be pleased you didn't do anything silly. Big hug to you *() xxx

[Catbrian]

Willows, I must apologise for never writing on your page before now.  I've been a member of the Forum for months now, but have never noticed this "depression Central" section.  I can be a bit dim sometimes.

Anyway, I'm sorry everything has been so difficult for you lately.  I'm so pleased you didn't go through with the suicide attempt last night.  You are obviously in a very bad place right now and really do need the support of your GP.

Bookletters is right what she says about giving the pills time to work.  Anti-depressants are always slow to take effect.  But, one day you will look back and feel pleased you managed to fight on.

Hope tonight is better for you

[Sweetpea]

%^% for you Willows. I know its hard but things will get better. S x x x x

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