Can't cope

[willows]

Cut my arms last night. It gave me a few minutes of distraction from the pain in my head but feel so distraught today that I did it.

[Buttercup]

Willow  %^% %^% %^%

[Michael Frankum]

Dear Willows  *() Thinking of you. Take care.  %^%

[willows]

Possibly had the worst week of my life. Now going to be seeing the psychiatrist every week and work are saying they may force me to take sick leave even though my psychiatrist is saying it is vital to my recovery that I carry on working. Occupational health agree that I am able to work but my immediate managers are not happy with that and they have the ultimate say. So distressed.

[I.B Igor]

 *() %^%

what ever they decide, don't be harsh on yourself. you have an illness , it isn't your fault your ill. 

[Munchroom]

Thinking of you Willows  %^% Xxx

[Sweetpea]

%^% for you Willows. S x x x x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using Tapatalk

[kenmia92]

I hope you fight thru this!  %^%

[Michael Frankum]

 *() Best wishes.

[willows]

Been allowed to stay at work for the moment but only allowed to work day shifts and if I show any signs of being upset or unstable I will be taken home or to a&e as decided by my managers. I am very upset about all this and felt as though I was being watched every minute of the day yesterday. I don't think I can carry on like this but if I give up and go off sick which is what they really want I know I will have nothing to get out of bed for and my urge to end it all will be more of a battle than it is now.

[willows]

I also should have said thank you to you all for your messages.

[willows]

The place I have received most support throughout my illness has been work but after everything that has happened in the last week I feel as though I have no support from anyone and I feel totally a broken about this. I have made such a mess of everything

[Michael Frankum]

Dear Willows, YOU  have not made a mess of anything. You are suffering from this damnable illness. It sounds as if the different people at work are trying to care for you, but not quite in a joined up way. I'm sure that they would like you to feel better, and hopefully they can get their act together to better support you without you feeling on trial every second. Best wishes. %^%

[willows]

Psychiatrist appointment this morning. He doubled  my dose of venlafaxine and said I should be getting my first appointment with the psychologists team this week or next. Still seeing psychiatrist very regularly as well. His letter of referral to the psychology team stated I was suffering with 'combat fatigue' which I found a strange choice of words but apparently I have been through so many huge personal battles it was inevitable that at some point I had to break! I wish I could believe him when he says I will get better but I just don't know how at the moment

[Michael Frankum]

You have fought so long and hard, but nobody can be strong ALL the time. You have done so well, but one moment of hesitation doesn't mean that you have to start from the beginning. I hope that you can see the positives in the things you have achieved so far. The way the psych said, "through so many huge personal battles" shows that you fight through to the other side, so it sounds very positive to me. (I hope that I'm making sense to you, because I'm thinking that this sounds a bit... po-faced?) Be kind to yourself.  %^% Best wishes and hugs. Michael