BPD

[Catbrian]

I've never heard of comorbidity.... something to research later.  I hope you feel a little better today

[captainkeefy]

I definitely feel like I'm going through a push cycle now. Wanting to be alone, feel like nobody cares, like everyone's going to let me down. It's a funny feeling, it's not as intense as it can be but it's still there in the background and its still driving how I interact with people.

I think sometimes I have 'emotional storms' where I'm churned up inside by emotions and when they go I feel drained by them and usually have a headache. These 'emotion storms' can churn up all sorts of emotion euphoria, anger, sadness but they seem to relate to internal events as appossed to what's going on around.

[captainkeefy]

Does anyone else get hit by emotions that just seem overwhelming. Today I was having a pretty straightforward sort of day, just getting on with things then the next thing I know I'm fuming, then I'm feeling fed up. Where does this stuff come from? I think it's called abandonment depression and all because I left my wife at home to tidy up while I went out. Then I'm thinking, why didn't she want to come with me? Stupid things like that hit me square. By the time I seem her, I'm blanking her. I was watching the tv then she said "why are you scowling?" I didn't even notice but I was sat there with a really evil expression on my face.

[Buttercup]

I get overwhelming emotions or find different situations overwhelming but not in the same way.

Xxx

[captainkeefy]

I think this is what my Therapist was talking about when he spoke of my core belief. He said something about when I interact with other people and I take something negatively it contradicts what I think about myself. Normally people see themselves as a good person and can shrug off critism, whoever because of my core belief I gauge my feelings of self worth on how other people see me and when they contradict how I feel about myself it causes a strong emotional response.

[Buttercup]

In some ways I do similar, if I'm down & someone does something that upsets me ( this doesn't need to be real it can be perceived) I will dwell on it far too much but I'm different in that I will not let them know either by words or expressions.

How do you feel now?

[captainkeefy]

I'm okay now buttercup. I've just been reading about HPD and some of the stuff makes me laugh and cringe! 'May refare to Councelor by first name within first 5 meetings.' For me it was 2. I'm not saying I'm HPD but everything I've read describes everything I've spoke about in therapy and on here. Hope your okay Buttercup!

Check this out.

http://www.m.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/histrionic-personality-disorder

[Buttercup]

Will have a look. My Psych only ever uses her first name!

Xxx

[Buttercup]

Had a quick read, it was very interesting & I can see how it fit in with what you've been saying.

Glad you're feeling better.

[captainkeefy]

I read about the sub types and the one that I would say describes me is the infantile with borderline traits. I wouldn't say I dress provocatively though, but I do tend to wear expensive clothes. Saying that I'm a man so a dress and bright red lipstick probably wouldn't go down well! I find I get a really strong emotion for about 4 hours then it passes. I think the pull push thing is a BPD thing and the 'black and white' thinking is. I tend to see people as 'good' or 'bad' this is a defense mechanism to deal with rejection.

[Buttercup]

Yes I can understand that. I have a need to be liked. The interesting thing with bipolar is that when I'm low, my low self esteem stops me making friends in add I'm not liked, or makes me think maybe people just talk to me just to be kind. Then when I'm high, much higher than I am now, I think that I'm better than them!

I'm off to sleep now. Night xx

[captainkeefy]

Just had my next appointment through which is in march that means I'm get one appointment per month.

[Buttercup]

That doesn't sound nearly often enough!!!

[captainkeefy]

I know, I'm going to speak to him about it when I get there. I've also got an appointment with my G.P. before that. I guess this is to see how I'm getting on with my AD prescription. I don't really think they are working though as I'm still having moments of feeling really down. The thing is now its basically been three months of soul searching so I don't know what to talk about in therapy.

[Buttercup]

What AD are you taking?

I just think that for them to really understand you and for you to build up the type of relationship with them that you need to, you need to see them a lot more often.

xxx