SI how do i explain scars, possibly triggering

[cornish]

thanks you two, that makes me feel better :)

nope i left him to do the job that needed doing and told him not to do the other one and the %$*&%^ ignored me and still bloody messed up the job i told him not to do. ive had a word with the boss about him before, i think im going to have to do it again but i dont wanna get him in trouble

[Lol]

Blimey Cornish get the silly man into trouble if that's what it takes. You must tell the boss again, it's hindering you and you really don't need that right now!! If you tell the boss it's up to him what happens not you. You wont be getting him in to trouble, the boss would. It would give him a boundary he knows he can't push!

[Zaf]

lol is right, you need to tell your boss,

[cornish]

will try to

[Depina]

Hi Cornish
Hope things are going better for you
HUGS
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[cornish]

not really just trying to push on through

[Depina]

Sorry Cornish, keep going -the good news is--you are pushing-well done
HUGS XX  &*(

[cornish]

well im pushing and making progress but its making me worse as im pushing my self as hard as possible and in turn making my self worse 

the scars are starting to blur into a few big scars, the one on my left ribcage is about the size of the palm of my hand  but with a large # on it, my wrists are blending into a single scar with lots of bad ones breaking it up

im pretty much 100% sure that a few of the ones on my left hand in the numb area are going to be permanent and now ive started on my shins.


not really sure if this counts as proper si but ive sort of found hmmm well not a copeing method but just a delay method, i have a tester that chucks out 1000 volts and im using that that give my self a bit of pain, never really satisfies me though

[Lol]

Hi Cornish I think pushing yourself is a great character trait which shows ambition and determination, perfect things to get you through this and makes you such a professional in your work. But you are saying that you have realised you are doing this a bit too much. Part of being so 'professional' is to know your bodys limitations and listen and learn. I think you are doing this. You are so good to be adjusting yourself and acknowledging the harms it causes not to. I think what you are saying though is that you haven't quite got the adjusting bit right yet. You will get there. You are stubborn, but you have a sense of rationality which will save you. You are also willing to listen to advice you trust.

Your si sounds very distressing. I'm glad you have a release mechanism and you are also looking for delay methods which again shows your incredibly vigelant approach to this. I feel that the 1000 volts my be harmful in many ways and would rather you didn't experiment with electricity at all if you can mate,  makes me really nervous. You're the electrician though.

Your scars sound real and obvious and I sense that they are a constant reminder to you. I hope they are not too uncomfortable. You worry that they might be permanent in the future, maybe they will be.

I hope you find a balance you are a little more comfortable with this week end. I'll be thinking of you and here if you need to talk. Take care and be careful.

[Depina]

Hi Cornish
Thinking of you
Take care
XXXXXXXXXXX

[cornish]

i do listen but ive ignored it all, i got though last weekend JUST and ive just taken this weekend off against all advice, dunno why but just felt like i needed to do it, i know its definitely the wrong thing to do and very distressing and damaging to me in the long run

the 1000 volts is very safe, its an initiation thing for apprentices to get zapped by it and its no more dangerous than static.

i had an appointment this morning with yet another specialist and yet again he was confused by it all and extremely concerned by my si and intricate plans for removing 2 of my fingers and suicide, im  right on the borderline but probably just on the bad side, the only reason against taking action and possibly detaining me was due to my need to work, they think if they stopped me then i would go downhill extremely fast.   so it turns out my paranoia of being sectioned was right.

well the balance is non existent and its going to be hell again, i dunno why im doing this, im an idiot

thanks lol and depina, i appreciate it

[Zaf]

Have you considered just taking one day off at the weekends?  I'll be around if you need support and I'm sure everyone else will help as much as they can too.

[Lol]

I have suggested this on a different thread, but could you do some controlled work on one of your ladrovers today? maybe treat a loandrover project as work for 2 hours, be strict with yourself, then do nothing for 2 hours, then do some more for 2 hours etc etc. Treat it like a strict work schedule, but you are at home doing something you've been meaning to do and can be proud of accomplishing? Maybe then you could get through the week end not entirely 'resting' and watching the clock all the time, accupying yourself instead, but still not being at work. ??

[Depina]

Love to all, sorry not on much today

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[cornish]

Have you considered just taking one day off at the weekends?  I'll be around if you need support and I'm sure everyone else will help as much as they can too.

they did say no more than one day off at a time, but im a stubborn git and i just about made it though last weekend and i WILL do it again.

im regretting it already now

im planning on going to do a bit of work an the landy later and there's a big land rover competition tomorrow that i would love to go and watch