SI how do i explain scars, possibly triggering

[cornish]

mother just noticed my hand n went a bit mental at me, thats pretty much confirmed what i though, its obvious that its si.
didn't know what to say say just ignored her, feel bad about that now

[Lol]

If you told your mum, what do you think she would do or say? Would she be open to reading some literature about it? She may be going mental because she's scared because she doesn't understand. I know she could never actually understand, but having a point of knowledge could help her to feel less afraid. Could you write down how you feel and give it to her explaining that it is difficult for you to talk about it and maybe sit with her whilst she reads it? How much does she know about what you suffer with?

[cornish]

im fairly sure she knows now, with the way she reacted i dont think im going to even bother talking about any of my illness to her again

[Lol]

How did she react Cornish? What did she say? Just as her reaction has evoked a reaction in you, you're reaction has done the same in her. Reach out and come together, try not to push apart.

[cornish]

shes noticed it before but not said anything, ive never opened up about my illnesses to her and dont think i can. especially any more from the way she reacted, she was angry, annoyed and basically called me an idiot. she went out just after that, dunno if she was going out anyway as i very rarely talk to her.
its hurt me and now i dont really care about how my illness and i affect her.

[Lol]

You are angry that your mum had a negative reaction instead of a caring one of concern. It isn't fair that she didn't understand, and instead insulted you rather than comforted you. You need people to understand and not be as afraid as you are about it.

If you don't care about how it would affect her to have it explained, perhaps now would be the time to tell her all about it?

You are not an idiot. it is very unfair that she called you an idiot. You are coping with more than she could ever know and has ever coped with, you are angry that she can just dismiss somthing so significant in your illness with a flippant insult. It is likely that she was very scared and ran away. It isn't fair that you can't just do the same. You wish that you could just 'go out' and leave it behind. Dismiss it with an insult. You are insulted that she is not facing your difficulties when you have no choice!

She is scared because she doesn't understand. Because she doesn't know.

You are scared because you don't know, your specialists don't know. You are frustrated that after a year no one has explained it to you in a way you can understand and tackle and do somthing about. and to know might be even more scary.

Your mum is scared because after a year no one has explained to her in a way she can understand and tackle and do something about. and to know might be even more scary.

Tell her Cornish. Open her window for her.

[cornish]

i really dunno if i could tell her, before i felt like i needed to protect her, ive been thought this with my psychologist and she has tried to get me to open up but i just cant seem to do it yet.
dont particularly see any point in it. yeah i know its selfish but now after a weekend of hell im really not in the mood for anything now

[Lol]

The horrors that you cope with every second of the day are so horrific that you couldn't let anyone know and understand the severity of the situation. You love your mum and know it would be difficult for her to gain this knowledge and would rather not see her react to it. You would feel guilty to see your mum upset by it. You know that nothing she could be imagining would be as bad as what you would have to explain so you would rather she continued in ignorance. You want to protect her. I think the point in opening up might be to create a verbal overspill mechanism that is as purging and relieving as si. You feel selfish for not telling your mum because you can see how difficult it is for her to see something she doesn't understand. If your specialists knew the answer but kept it from you, you would be really frustrated and angry. You feel guilty knowing this but you have been through so much this weekend that you haven't got the energy to tackle it. This week end has really taken it out on you. You are so exhausted by it. It has been really difficult for you. I'm so proud of you.

[cornish]

yeah i know its really taken it ouf of me and i haven't felt this bad or physically and mentally exhausted as i feel now.   
i dont feel like you should be proud all ive done is moan on here and done nothing all weekend.

[Lol]

To most of the population doing nothing is a dream of a weekend full of abandon and relaxation to be relished and savoured. To you doing nothing it is a marathon of physical and psychological turmoil and a trial of mental and emotional strength. Most people willingly give themselves to the pleasure of doing nothing alone. You are submitting yourself to the tortures of your illness against your will with nothing to distract you for the greater good. People gaze at paint drying pleasantly daydreaming. You have been alone with your thoughts which have been frightening, damaging and seem to you to be of your own persecution. Of course I am proud of you. You are one of the bravest people I have ever known. you have never ever moaned. i don't think anyone is moaning in here. You are expressing how you are feeling about your incredibly difficult illness and how it affects you and others. You are describing your emotions and feelings. You are enabling understanding. I feel I'm right to feel proud.

[cornish]

Thank you so much for the weekend lol, I really appreciate your support, I feel like I was a bit blunt and rude at times and wish to appoligise for that.

Just had to take a bit of a brake at work to calm and compose my self and take a few diazepam and im relaxing a bit. So Looking back though everything I can see your right.  I have a huge amount of admiration for you, your able to help so much even with what your going through.

[Lol]

That's very touching of you to say Cornish thank you for your kind words. I am glad to give support where I can, you all support me so much. I hadn't noticed once that you had been blunt or rude! There is certainly no need to apologise - I never noticed!

Isn't it good when we can take a break and look back and see that actually some things made sense and we hvae taken a few steps forward as a result. I didn't tell you anything you weren't telling me! You were doing it by opening up and you helped yourself. I was just a pair of virtual ears!

Glad you are relaxing a little today. Today sounds stressful. Can you imagine the party we're going to have when this is over. Thanks goodness for diazepam.

[cornish]

I was angry and upset yesterday and felt a bit rude and like I was blunt

[Depina]

Hi Cornish
You don't come across as rude or blunt on here. I think that you are very articulate, I couldn't explain things as well as you do. You also seem a strong person as you have come through so much, and you are still working so hard. If I was your Mum I would be worried but only 'cause she loves you and doesn't want to see you hurting. I know I would do anything for my kids, it is hard to open up to parents, now mine aren't here I wished I had talked to them more about important matters.
+ You have a great sense of humour, thanks for that.

Hugs
XX

[Lol]

I could tell you were angry and upset Cornish which is why I wanted to support you. You didn't come accross as how you felt so no need to worry. How did your day go today? I hope the labourer behaved better as the day went on and you got your job done on time.