SI how do i explain scars, possibly triggering

[cornish]

right first of all i really despise lying and if i have to i feel really bad but last night i was asked what all the scars on my upper arms were. now as i said i hate lying but didn't want to tell the truth as i had a huge gaping wound on my hand after an "accident" with a grinder. but i just made up a crappy story about catching my arm on a bit of sharp metal at work.

what im trying to get at is i hate to lie but im really afraid to tell anyone about my si, i cant comprehend how they will react and what they will do. anyone have any advice on how to deal with this??

[Angelina]

I'm not sure I can really answer you but I also have scars and have been asked about them before. I used to burn myself on my wrists so it's quite hard to hide, especially when I have a tan as they stay pure white. I've always judged on the correct answer for me on a person by person scale. There have been people I trust completely with the answer and so I'm truthful with them. Some of those people I use humour with at the end of telling them, it can soften the blow and means they don't have to try and find something serious to say to me. "It was before I discovered chocolate was an easier way to cheer up!" something like that.
Some people I say something like "They're from when I was a depressed teenager" so that they get the idea without too much detail. I'm lucky that I've found more socially acceptable ways to self harm that people either can't see or won't question, my scars are old and so people don't react so much about them.
With work people or acquaintances I lie. I say it was an accident with hot oil. It's pretty obvious that's a lie due to the layout of the scars on my wrists, but I've never met a person willing to challenge me on that explanation and it limits any gossip.

I lie to some people for their sake and for mine. I'm not ashamed to lie, many people can't deal with others self harming as it's such an alien concept to them. I've had people lecture me or say "I bet you feel silly about it now" when I've told them the truth so I've learnt to lie to some people to avoid that. Also avoids any gossip at work that might get back to management who would then would feel the need to have a meeting about it. It's not fun to lie but sometimes it's self preservation.


Many hugs Cornish, it's a horrible situation and we're here for you.

[cornish]

ive sort of learnt to do that but when there blatently obviously si and on my hands thats what really worries me, most of my si is now on my upper arms/ ribs and legs now so i can hide it but my left hand, especially the numb areas from nerve damage is pretty bad and really bothers me as people see it a lot

[cornish]

i dont think that really made much sense did it 

[Angelina]

What are you specifically worried about? That people will see and judge you? Possibly say something to other people? Or that people will ask you about them? Or all of the above?  :)
People might judge you. But then people judge other people about the shoes they're wearing so there's not much anybody can do about that. If work colleagues talk to others about it then they can get in very serious trouble, I've been through that even though I'm was completely unaware of it at the time.

Hugs again!

[cornish]

all of the above but mainly being asked
im pretty much 99% sure a few of them at work talk behind my back but i do know that 2/3 (not sure if i trust one of them but i have no reason not to) of them are pretty supportive and defensive of me

thanks, i appreciate it :)

[Angelina]

People will talk, we love to gossip unfortunately  Have it set in your head what your answer will be if anybody asks so you're less likely to panic and say something you don't want to. The scars are nothing to be ashamed off, technically they're battle scars. Just the battle's with yourself and you're winning still.

[cornish]

hmmm yeah your right,  not really sure if i should comment on the main one that worries me, well its more of a group and ive had comments on it from a few people, i just said it was an accident,  2 people have asked, one at work thats supportive and i just lied n said it was an accident, i know he didn't believe me but his response was :  ok well just be careful and keep it clean m8.   said it was an accident to on of the idiots at work and im not going to repeat what he said.


thinking about it im sure i have talked briefly about what i wasn't going to comment on, what started all of my illnesses also did some nerve damage and part of my left hand and the small and the finger next to it are numb, some times it gets worse.  it annoys the crap out of me and is a trigger than i cant get away from, i meticulously plan out how to remove them daily and have a "dotted cut here type line" thats scarred into my hand, lots of very deep cuts around the area and a very obvious attempt to remove my small finger.  thats the fairly fresh wound that really bothers me


cut here line is like this
 
 but without the scissors
  but with my sense of humor i was tempted to get them tattooed on.  im being told to do it but the more normal voice that i see as the old me is saying NO, it will draw more attention

[Zaf]

I can really understand wanting to be rid of or punish a part of you that niggles you like that, but then of course injuring or removing the offending part is going to make it even more obvious there is a problem with it.

I dont know the answer to be truthful, a friend of mine that SI could sometimes stop herself by putting her hands in a bowl of ice cubes but not sure if that would help?

[cornish]

never thought of it being more obvious but well it is very obvious  but it just feels like my only option

ive tried all the tricks, ice, rubber bands, pinching and a few others  nothing seems to work

[Angelina]

Yeah the classic way they suggest to stop SI is an elastic band round your wrist to ping. I've never tried it myself though. I think I stopped my burning when I got my lip pierced for the second time, it gave me something else to focus on. I do SI in more hidden ways though with my toes, currently plucking leg hairs seems to help as it's pain without being too damaging. I think a coping technique has to be quite personal as the SI can vary greatly between people.

The tattoo would draw attention to your tattoo though not the scar, and it's a bit of humour to help! I think if I saw a scar like that I'd think you got into a fight with barbed wire and lost. For most people SI won't even enter their heads, a scary amount of people have never even heard of SI.

[cornish]

i have a bold patch on each leg about 6 inches above my knees there about the size of my palms and it does help a bit.   i haven't really found my technique yet

that doesn't really make me feel andy better as to me its fairly obvious that its lines and cuts that couldn't be accidental.

[Angelina]

Is there anybody you can trust enough to talk to about your scars? We can reassure you on here but I think as we can't really see them it's hard to believe us. Scars fade with time and people will accept them as part of you. New scars do draw attention but it won't all be negative.

[cornish]

i only really speak on here and to one person on facebook and she's stopped responding now   i have talked to her in the past as she understands a bit.

some of my si scars have faded but a few of the really deep wounds have become atrophic, basically indent type scars its strange for me as i normally get hypertrophic scars as most of the accidents ive had have almost always ended up raised and obvious  
ive always had a fear of hospitals/ doctors and the like so have a bit of an obsession with first aid (ive even done stitches with dental floss before) and knowing how the body works, but its probably not good when i feel like suicide daily

[Lol]

Acknowledging all this is a sign of control. It sounds like you are saying that despite your best efforts your colleagues still know what they are. I think their asking you about it might be a way of telling you not that it's ok, but that they understand. They're frightened by it, but they want you to know that they are aware of it and they are accepting it to a degree. Their request for you to keep it clean shows this also. They are concerned, but I think they understand it is part of you and also that you are managing it.