How are you feeling today?

[CharleysAngel']

Please don't apologise smirfy, you have no reason too. You are having a really hard time at the moment and I'm sorry

I know how difficult it is when your parents don't understand, its hard because you feel isolated and lonely. I can understand that its may be hard to tell them but in the end in might be for the best. I hope you feel better soon xx

[Zaf]

Do you think it could be that if you go to hospital yourself its voluntary and if you were sectioned its been taken out of your hands?

Try to take it a day at a time if you can xx

well that is one of my fears yes, the thought of having no control over my own life is very scary although that is pretty much how I feel at the moment anyway.
I am also scared about how my family would react to me being in hospital as they don't know how bad things have got, when I talk to them I lie and say everything is brilliant, fine and dandy and when I am at home I try my hardest to act normal (they just think I sleep too much)
also Im right in the middle of my final year of uni so being sectioned would destroy everything I have worked for, my parents would loose their deposit and all the money they pay towards me being at uni would be for nothing.

don't feel guilty about feeling grotty I know how it can affect your mood when you're not feeling well, and aching all over. take some time for yourself and work on getting yourself better. I find taking long hot steamy baths with vix or something really helps.

hope you are feeling better soon zaf  :)

It would scare me too to a certain extent but on the other hand I think it would feel nice to let other people take control so I didnt have to fight and struggle any more.

Is it worth telling your parents a tiny bit of the truth to prepare them in case you do need to go to hospital?

Where uni is concerned would they not accept a doctor's certificate and hold your position open till you were better?  What would they do for a student that perhaps had a car accident and was off for months - surely they cant discriminate between illness and mental illness?

Z xx

well I suppose uni would keep my place open and as you say they can't discriminate between illness.
I suppose the reason I am so reluctant to tell my family how I feel is because I fear their reaction, it took me so long to tell them about my depression and my bulimia and their reaction to that wasn't good so I fear what they would say if I was to tell them I needed to go into hospital. It would end everything and there is no way my parents would let me have my freedom once I got out and let me go back to uni they would be constantly looking over my shoulder and never leaving me alone.

I am sorry about complaining it really must seem like I have so much going for me and like im acting like a spoilt brat. I don't mean for it to come across like that and I am well aware that I could be so much worse off.
smirfy

You arent complaining or acting like a spoilt brat Smirfy, you are telling it how it is and getting your worries out into the open amongst friends.

I can understand how you feel about your parents' reaction, I think I would feel much the same.  Its very frustrating that in this day and age people still stigmatise those of us with mental illness as I'm sure if you went to your parents saying you had diabetes they would react differently as that illness is a lack of a chemical in our bodies just the same as depression is.  Do you think if you could eplain it like that or show them some literature explaining the similarities it might help?

Z xx

[Zaf]

Physically effing awful to be honest, havent felt this ill for at least a couple of years, surprised and pleased the depression hasnt returned so far and that rating is still probably a 5

[cornish]

Physically effing awful to be honest, havent felt this ill for at least a couple of years, surprised and pleased the depression hasnt returned so far and that rating is still probably a 5

 &*(  get well soon my dear.

[Zaf]

Thanks cornish, how are you doing today?

[cornish]

another night of no sleep

[Zaf]

Thats horrid, will you be able to nap a bit today to catch up with some sleep?

[Sweetpea]

 &*( hugs for Zaf, Cornish and Smirfy.  Hope you and everyone else manages to rest and have better days today.

I am not to bad, slept quite well, woke a couple of times.  Feel a bit anxious today, but hopefully better than yesterday.  To be honest I am worried about Wednesday never been in hospital other than to have the children.  Never had a general aneasthetic, sounds like I am being a right baby, when I think what other people have been through, even my son.  So I have to be brave.

Walking the girls (dogs) this morning, can't walk far now because of my legs hurting so much.  But they have a good run over the field, thats the main thing.

Then have a bit of ironing to do, then this afternoon I will rest and try and find a good film to watch.

Hope everyone has a reaonable day.

Take care all

S x

[Zaf]

Thanks shaz

Its very natural to feel apprehensive to go to hospial but I know that knowing that doesnt really help the anxiety mountingas I was exactly the same every time I went to have various tests when my IBS symptoms were being investigated, what time do you have to go in Wednesday?

[Sweetpea]

Have to be there for 7am.  Craig is taking me and will stay at the hospital even if he isn't able to stay with me.  He knows how worried I am about it.  Also have counselling tomorrow, so apprehensive about that too.  Will be taking the tissues I think lol.

Hope you  have a good rest today feel so for you hard enough dealing with depression is hard enough without feeling as you do.

Take care of yourself

S x

[Zaf]

Is it your first counselling?

Thats early but I guess thats to get booked in and get any pre procedure tests completed first, when are you allowed your last food and drink?

I plan to rest almost totally today, I've learned the hard way over the years if I keep fighting an illness it takes twice as long to recover

Will be thinking of you Wednesday xx

[CharleysAngel']

Don't worry about feeling  nervous shaz, I get scared of just going for blood tests and the dentist.

I hope you feel better soon Zaf xx

[cornish]

Thats horrid, will you be able to nap a bit today to catch up with some sleep?

nope, i wont sleep

[CharleysAngel']

I'm sorry cornish, its so horrible when you don't get any proper sleep.

As for me, I had an ok nights sleep, I still feel really tired tho. I seem to ache all over a lot recently, and I feel very cold and stiff.

[Zaf]

Thats miserable cornish

Do you think you migh have a cold coming icelolly?