Pregabalin diary

[Got]

I can't agree with any of that beetzart. You have assigned a list of negative traits to people who speak a lot but it isn't so much true as it is the way that you are viewing them. I don't think you can make judgements like that based upon the amount of noise people make. Of course the people you describe really do exist, but it isn't accurate to be so general.  

Also, like I said the other day, you may be perceiving threats when they are not really there and so it is possible that you feel people are calling your judgement into question when they are holding normal conversation. Perhaps you do work with a bunch of morons who are like this, but is isn't correct to say people who are outgoing will call your judgement into question, and I wouldn't assume they tell you everything either because there could be a lot they are not telling you.  

I really do think this is something therapy can help you with because viewing people in this way is part of your difficulty with social situations. It is a cycle, and your perceptions of others are being reinforced by your isolation, which leads to further isolation.

Non of this is your fault, your depression must be a major factor in this.

Take care mate,

Steve

[Beetzart]

Yeah I know you are right, Steve, but that is what my mind does.  It is a negative feedback loop that just gets worse, always has done, and this time it has snapped and I'm just hiding away.  It is me, not them, I keep telling myself that.  I'm the problem, always have been.  I'm fed up with pretending, and I've realised when all that is stripped away I'm an empty shell.  Sorry to rant, I'm...I don't know anymore!

Thank you for your honest post, Steve, it helps.

[Zaf]

Beet, if ranting helps rant away.  xx

[Beetzart]

Thank you, Zaf. xx

[Sweetpea]

Thats the good thing about this forum, we can rant, so rant away Beet.

S x x x x

[Got]

Hi mate,

I realised when I made the post that I risked making it sound like you was the problem. You suffer from major depression and you have been working in a job which does not satisfy you and with people who do not appreciate your interests - Personally I do not see you as the problem, I see your situation as been one resulting from many factors, but I certainly wouldn't attribute the blame to yourself.  In reality you are caring, you have a family and you are accomplished in many ways, I don't think it is the truth that you are a problem. With your depression and anxiety it must be difficult to stand up and be confident about the person who you are, but again, this isn't a fault.

Steve

[Beetzart]

Thank you Steve and Shaz.

I'm just worried about the doctor tomorrow, I didn't think I would be.  Again it is the depression talking, but a highly qualified, experienced doctor getting paid by the company is coming to my grubby little house.  And who is he seeing, some wretched lowlife who can't get out of bed and spends all day surfing the net.  Some pleb who is fat and does a job anyone could do and would be easily forgotten if thrown down the memory hole.  He won't be on my side, as all he'll try and see is the bottom line.  Then again he might be a smashing chap! 

Sorry for the self pity but that has been going through my mind all day.

All I want is a break, some lucky endeavour where everything falls into place, to a certain degree.  Ideally I'd love to be a writer.  Work from home, hours to suit.  I've got loads of stories in my head but not confident to put them down on paper.  But I am doing a creative writing course in the autumn with the OU so hopefully that will be the incentive I need.

Thanks again

Beet

[Sweetpea]

I would be the same Beet, thinking of all the bad things that could happen.  So you are not alone.  I do hope it goes well and will be thinking of you.

I do hope you can fulfill your dream of becoming a writer, the OU courses are very good and I am sure you will pass with flying colours  $%$.

S x x x x

[Zaf]

Depression makes us think all sorts of things about ourselves unfortunately.  I had my first breakdown when I was a Civil Servant and had a visit from a welfare officer a couple of times, I know its not the same as an OT but I felt very nervous and worried but it wasnt nearly as bad as I expected.

I hope the writing course gives you the confidence to get your stories down on paper

Z xx

[Beetzart]

Thank you both so much xxx  Coming here makes a huge difference for the better! =+-

Beet xx

[Got]

If he is highly qualified then is should recognise the fact that you are depressed.

I don't think you should worry about appearing self pitying, this is a good place you voice your negative thoughts without judgement. I know for sure that when I am depressed I become very melancholic.

I am glad that you are making good plans for the future. The creative writing course sounds like a good idea to me.

Steve

[Beetzart]

I swear again that pregabalin is getting close to a wonder drug.  I haven't developed any tolerance at all at nearly a month on it.  If you get anxious and have trouble going out I would recommend you ask your doctor about it.  

Benefits (from my perspective):

No tolerance (as yet)

No sedation, unless you want to sleep then you might do but I have found it more activating.

Markedly less anxiety.

Improved confidence.

Increased talking, feelings of well being.

No significant interaction issues with other meds.

No memory problems like blackouts you may get with diazepam.

It is not a controlled drug in the UK, unlike the USA where it is.

It is indicated for anxiety, unlike in the USA.

Increased appreciation of music, art, etc.

Downside:

Increased OCD behaviour.

Stimulation, wanting to move about more, agitation at times.

Racing mind.

Irritation.

Myriad of side effects in PI sheet which may put people off.

GPs may be reluctant to prescribe it because of the cost, and no generic available till 2018.

Mood swings.

NB  I just want to make it clear that these are my experiences with pregabalin.  Others may or may not have the same effects.  I have found it a 'wonder drug' for me, from how it has helped me to leave the house without awful panic.   Obviously, I am not a qualified clinician but I just wanted to share my experiences of a drug that perhaps should be used more to help people who suffer with terrible anxiety.

[Catbrian]

Very interesting Beet... I've just read through this diary.  I had similar effects on Quetiapine at the start, especially those you describe at the beginning.  Unfortunately these wore off very quickly due to high tolerance.

Is it an AD or mood stabilizer?

[Beetzart]

Hi Catb

It is indicated for three conditions:  GAD, as an adjunct for epilepsy, and neuropathic pain.  I haven't developed any tolerance as yet.  Also the effects can take 1-4 hours to work after taking it, and then feelings of well being come in waves.  Hard to describe and I wouldn't say you get euphoric, but just relief from anxiety.  It feels like you have had a few beers; I stumble about and that.

Beet 

[Catbrian]

That's even more interesting as I have just been prescribed a high dose of Gabapentin for nerve injury/pain.  That drug is also used to treat epilepsy.  I wonder if Pregabalin might help deal with my anxiety and paranoia at the same time as easing relentless leg pain.  I'll talk that one over with the Psychiatrists in a few weeks time.