I have had a bad night but have decided that instead of going to the doctor to ask for sleeping tablets or tranquilisers i am going to plan a day out for myself.
I am along term sufferer who has had lengthy remissions but has always known that I tread a fine line and when something traumatic or unsettling happens (which happened this year with traumatic ill health) I have to tread the path of depression once more and address issues that i had not fully got to grips with the last time!
I have had it suggested to me that I need to own the depression and integrate it into my whole being and find more ways of living with it as a friend rather than an arch enemy. To me this means that I am looking at previous episodes and seeing how I behaved and what did and did not work for me.
This does not mean that I don't take my prescribed medication (Mirzapine 30 mgs since May). Nor does it mean that I do not visit my doctor and let her know how I am getting on. The great hurdle that I am looking to overcome this time is the one that makes me panic and run to the surgery whenever I don't sleep or have had difficulty with panic attacks. My past experience tells me that ths knee jerk reactions are disempowering and their origin lies in my childhood when taking resonsibilty for things was not on the agenda.
I am reading a wonderful book called "The Artist's Way:A Spiritual Guide to Higher Creativity" by JUlia Cameron. In it she suggests that we take one time a week to have an Artist's date. that is take ousrelves out to nourish ourselves. To a film , an exhibition, take a long walk. The only person we can take with us is our Artist child. the child we were before all our creativity was blocked by life's events.
Wish me luck. it has to be better than the anxiety that accompanies the trip to the doctor. I will let you know how it feels tomorrow. I will monitor the panic attacks and tonight's sleep. ()( ()( ()(
