Terle your wife is saying a few things my partner said to me;
1) : she did.say that she wonders why she.can't do nice things for me.weird It is weird that they both said this. I remember my partner finding it weird that she was saying it when she was saying it and I also found it both a weird thing to say and that she found it so weird herself if that makes sense. When ever I asked my partner why she felt things she only ever answered with 'dunno' so I can't actually help us here. Perhaps other depression sufferes can help us out with this one. I assume it is because she can not think in that kind of 'thinking of others' way? It seemed to be the effort and judgement behind trying to think of something another person would like. Depression can be a very selfish illness.
2) You describe that she pretended over Christmas and gave you false hope. This happened a lot to me also. I think in a way though you have to believe in the pretence. Inside she is wondering why she is not able to feel the way she used to and was happy doing, so she acts this way instead. So in a way the acting part is good because it is the her she wants to be, and the her she wants to be is obviously a happier one with you.
3) The worse she gets.or the more people care the angrier she becomes.she wants everything to be normal again I believe here it is the drawing attention to the problem that is so difficult for her. She is both a burden and a stranger to herself and for other people to have noticed that and be moved to try to help her she feels more of a failure to herself. When she says she 'wants everything to be normal again' she DOES! But alas it is not and it is this that she is not coming to terms with. I think she has an element of depression denial.
I believe my partner had and still possibly has, a very strong case of depression denial. Because she felt like an emotionless failure she believed she was one, and based many majir life changing decissions on those feelings. I could not tell her that she was experiencing symptoms and they were not the real her, she believed them becuase she felt them. She truly believed she had changed. I believe she is still in there somewhere, but no matter how much I try to make her see it, she believes she has changed. She went from a happy, bubbly, relaxed, loving, positive, generous, thoughtful person.. to a selfish, unloving, neglectful, down, negative, dispairing person and rather than thinking (and listening to people saying) 'wait a minute, this doesn't feel like me, I must do everything I can to get back the lovely life I once lived...' she instead thought.... 'Well..this is me now, that means I'll have to leave my loving relationship, move out, buy my own place and die a spinster with a dog' --she actually said these words to me 'I'll have to die an old spinster with a dog!!!!!' I COULD NOT BELIEEEEEVE IT!!!
My advice is that you are doing a brilliant job. Keep reassuring her that she is suffering from an illness that is making her feel differently but she need not believe that is actually who she is now, those feelings are simply a reflection of her illness, NOT a reflection of her. Tell her that you can still see the real her and want to help her to feel like herself again but she needs to trust that this is only a temporary state and getting back to her old self is achievable.
You mention that you can see where this is going and you are holding on by your finger tips. Explain to me what exactly you mean by this.
