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Author Topic: my wife has clinical depression.  (Read 14123 times)

tarle1976

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #30 on: January 10, 2012, 04:21:50 PM »
Deverstated and I have come home early to talk but she thinks its me that will be leaving.I can let my kids deal with her with out me.never.
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Zaf

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #31 on: January 10, 2012, 04:36:54 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear its come to this :(

I think you are quite right that if she is suffering from mental illness and you fear your children would be at the slightest risk you should stay to look after them.
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tarle1976

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #32 on: January 10, 2012, 04:47:59 PM »
I'm sorry but I'm angry as I don't know if its real or the illness.and she has let me think we where getting closer. I tried and failed my kids it feels.
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Zaf

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #33 on: January 10, 2012, 04:55:10 PM »
You havent failed your kids, certainly not from what I can see.  Depression is a cruel illness as it doesnt only affect the person who has it, it affects everyone around us, we try so hard to understand what is causing us to feel this way and blame things around us, too often its our spouse or our relationships.

Please do try to blame the illness and not yourself xx
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tarle1976

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2012, 05:05:27 PM »
But she said I would be better of with someone else never has she said that she wants to find her self how when she has two wonderful kids she is blaming me or so it seems
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Zaf

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2012, 05:11:44 PM »
I'm no expert but a lot of seriously depressed people take their lives because they think their family and friends would be better off without them, could this be something similar?
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tarle1976

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2012, 05:23:12 PM »
Over Xmas she was great with me kisses cuddles I stoke her back every night to help her sleep and today it was I still don't love u I knew u where getting the wrong idea.seems like she is having an affair and its a plan I pay her car off in a month had to go bankrupt because she has been off work.my blood is boiling and she has not come home yet .I have never been jealous but I have my concerns now I just don't think I trust her which hurts even more.money and her iPhone are her only friends now everything else has been destroyed .it has to stop kids suffer .my wife seems to enjoy it like its a weight of her mind and I'm a school kid trying to get my gfriend back. Sorry but this is how it seems and feels there is no feeling coming across.but I must say she does not realize the pain she is causing.I can't stop her if she wants to end it but I have always tried my best.crying now but what's the point I can't do anything about it.
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Zaf

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2012, 05:25:42 PM »
It sounds as though you really need to have a very frank discussion to work out exactly what is going on, is there someone thst could look after your kids for you in case it gets very emotional and it affects them?
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tarle1976

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2012, 05:33:04 PM »
I wish I knew I really do I'm no expert but I have spent 9 months reading every web site to give me hope seems its been a waste of time.I have to accept my wife is no longer my wife .love does not save anyone and I was stupid to think it would.sickness and in health .they where just words now I understand them.I am still madly in love with her but its not her anymore someone will get to enjoy her when she is better.and may she find the love again.
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tarle1976

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2012, 05:46:58 PM »
Yeah I thinks she will get angry. I will put them to bed .they under stand she is not well but they don't understand how bad .they are only 6 and eight
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Zaf

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2012, 05:49:22 PM »
They may well know there is a big arguement, somehow you need to minimize the effect on your children if you possibly can


I wish I knew how to help more :(
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Glen53

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2012, 05:56:59 PM »
I think we need to focus on you now.

Whatever is going on, she has made it clear she doesnt want to be helped, but it occurs to me that you may benefit from our support more now. You are clearly open to advice and support from others and I think you need to think of yourself and the kids now.

You have tried so hard to support her and she has let you down for whatever reason. Keep talking to us if you can and we will try help you, even if its just a sympathetic ear and some friendly advice. You seem like a caring and considerate man who loves his wife and kids so much and thats not a bad person to be.

If you do talk to her, then be the bigger adult. You may feel like getting angry - you have every right to be, but try to keep it calm. Make her aware that you wont cling on to her if thats what she wants, but explain as a father, that you cant leave the kids in her care if she is depressed. If she is being defensive, she may raise her voice to you first. Try not to rise to this if you can, - defend your kids first, and the relationship second.

My thoughts are with you.  &*(

Good luck for now and all the best
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Zaf

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2012, 06:00:14 PM »
I totally agree with Glen's advice.

Thinking of you xx
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Lol

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #43 on: January 10, 2012, 06:38:01 PM »
Terle Glens advice here is sage. I'm afraid what you are describing is what happened to me (minus the kids) I understand the descriptions you are using here. This is awful for you. Please talk to us to help you to come to terms with your feelings about this, if you can seperate your anger here you may be able to see a clearer way forward. However you feel, try not to make any big decisionss tonight, split up/ don't split up or whatever, you are too emotional to be rational about this. Try to keep all options open, don't close any doors. You love her, you can see she is in the grips of something, you know there is a real reason for her not to be feeling, but you also have a right to be upset, angry, VERY frustrated, and devastated about what seems to be happening. Things may not be as they seem.

Try when you are talking to her to ask her open questions; 'what makes you say that..' when you are talking about how you feel talk in 'I statements' I feel this way...' Don't get into a you made this, you made me feel, deffensive type of argumemt. DON'T have a drink whilst you are talking/arguing, try to remain calm and keep the situation calm. Take yourself out of yourself and see it as a challenge - like you're been told 'I bet you can't keep calm in this situation' candid camera type of thing - If you are calm, it will have a calming affect on her, even if it doesn't appear so. Aim for explanations, but remember there may be none.

Saying you would be better off without me, you could be finding some one else, is very likely a cry for help. The possible decode for that is 'I am such a mess and such a failure and you have seen me so at my worst I am embarrassed and can't imagine how you could still want me please explain to me how". Don't stop telling her how.

If your wife comes on here and you want me to delete this post after you have read it I will. And if I'm not around when you req then I give my permissino for any mod/admin to delete it on my behalf.

I am thinking of you. Take some breathers during your conversations but always come back to it.

Let you frustraton and anger out HERE, NOT to your wife, calmly and as eloquantly as you can tell her how you feel but don't lose it. lose it here.

 &*(
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tarle1976

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Re: my wife has clinical depression.
« Reply #44 on: January 10, 2012, 06:49:17 PM »
Thanks I wish would read them I'm not afraid for her to see the truth.and thank you very much for helping .
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