BPD

[Bexwa]

That's the problem. No one wants to help but quite happy to take the money from you

[cornish]

well my psychologist is private and does really want to help. always the exception to the rule thankfully :)

[travis1411]

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness that can be challenging for everyone involved, including the individuals with the illness.
If you are having excess weight gain due to your disorder then you can go for natural remedies. Natural weight loss products are efficient and safe. However that scenario is not true always. Herbal or natural medicines may not be safe always. Some of them are not tested for efficiency or safety. However, it is proved that Caralluma fimbriata is one of the safest herbal and effective products out in the market.

I would always advise people to check with their doctor before taking herbal remedies to make sure they don't interfere with other medication
 
Link removed for this reason when I clicked on it:
Reported Attack Page!
This web page at www.eslimaluma.com has been reported as an attack page and has been blocked based on your security preferences.
Attack pages try to install programs that steal private information, use your computer to attack others, or damage your system.Some attack pages intentionally distribute harmful software, but many are compromised without the knowledge or permission of their owners.

[travis1411]

The main feature of borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a pervasive pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image and emotions.  It is better to go for psychiatric treatment for your disease. If you have gain lots of weight then you can even go for weight loss programs. Weight loss remedies are effective for losing weight.

I have removed the link for the reason already given

[Catbrian]

A few months ago I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar type 2 and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder.  The BP came as no surprise but the EUPD is a bit of a shock.  TBH I have been shying away from reading up on the condition because it terrifies the life out me.  Reading this thread, as old as it is, has made me realise that part of a recent bad bout of depression is caused by avoiding, almost denying, this new diagnosis.  I can now understand the importance of researching BP and EUPD as it could well provide a better understanding of such a careless and sometime fickle lifestyle.

[katblack15]

Catb - how odd that i can relate to your post soo much when im KatB too ha!
Iv been given that many it could be or you're displayings signs of im pretty sure my next diagnoses is goibg to be im a zebra fairy trapped in a human body lol.

its okay to be scared by a new diagnosis or different termanology, goodness were upset and unsettled by sny sort of change especially one that builds an understanding of ourselves. I really hope any research you've done is helping things to become a little clearer for you and if any of yoyr treatment or therapy changes it helps to enrichen your life more.

Remember we define the personality disorders or illnesses. its OUR experiences, feelings and emotions which create them. Don't let the lable dictate you. You're still the same person.

peace.love.hope

[Catbrian]

Hi Katb.  Thank you for your words of encouragement.  I hope you’re doing okay.

Recently I have been doing a lot of research into Personality Disorder.  My initial reaction is amazement.  Everything I read speaks directly to me; answering questions that I have been asking for many years.  Life in general continues to be difficult, but that does not necessarily mean depression. 

I view things differently from most and find it a challenge to live side by side with fellow human beings.  Finally understanding why this is a problem, is a step closer to leading some kind of “normal” existence.

If my family were to read the symptoms of PD, I am certain they too will see a lot of me.  My behaviour and relationship with them has never been easy over the years, but this seems to be a symptom of the disorder.
 
For 12 years, I consistently said I was struggling with something other than depression, but I just could not put my finger on it.  It took a change of Psychiatrist for me get a more appropriate diagnosis.  Now, I understand so much more about myself.  It comes at a time when I am already on the threshold of major changes

I am taking time to absorb everything but do plan to write a little something about the experience.  I have absolutely no idea what this diagnosis means to the rest of my life.  I have yet to grasp how other people might view me.  There are specific support groups in London for PD and I know of a couple of training courses, “understanding, and living with PD,” which will help.  However, until then,  I will continue to absorb all the info.

[captainkeefy]

Hi Catb,

I read your posts on being diagnosed with BPD. I did quite a bit of reading over Christmas on this and I even said to my Therapist that I display behaviour that ties in with this. His reply was "Your not Borderline." I was hoping for "You don't have a personality disorder." But as the other Katb says, it's just a label. I've not been diagnosed with anything other than depression about 4 times in ten years, then I told my Therapist I don't have depression. Then he asked what behaviour I saw in myself and I said "Um, I don't know." He must feel like banging his head against a wall!
The thing is I do tend to see behaviours that I do, like I keep falling in love with my wife over and over and then I keep pushing her away again and I see her as a bad person for no reason that anyone except me understands. I can also relate to saying I find it a challenge living next to other Humans. Do you feel like people can see something they shouldn't when they look at you? I feel like people can see straight through me sometimes. I also put a front on and pretend to be someone I'm not because I don't believe people would like the real me. When Im with a group of people and someone pokes fun at me I always wear an awkward smile and I feel myself crumble inside and it could be the smallest thing. I don't really have many friends because I find friendships kind of exhausting and watching other people seems strange because everyone seems so confident compared to me, it's like I experience much deeper emotions to everyone else and they can't understand and a lot of the time being alone scares me. I wish I could of told my Therapist that instead of "Um, I dunno." I guess knowing you probably know what I mean has helped me open up a little.

[Catbrian]

Hi CaptainK

Thanks for answering my post.  What you say does intrigue and I certainly relate too much of what you write.  My basic understanding is that most people with PD will identify with many of the symptoms in all types, A, B or C; it was like this for me, anyway.

I relate to your cycle of feelings and emotions with your wife and can identify times in my life when I have blown hot and cold, sometimes all in the one day.  That has been difficult to live with, both for me and for whoever was unfortunate enough to be involved.  Subsequently, a low opinion of my worth was always predominant.

Therefore, the fear of people not liking the “real me” was similar to your own.  I do suffer from paranoia and this only exacerbates that inexplicable need to guard against people becoming too close.  Interestingly, to be able to form close friendships online, with the additional “screen-protection”, has been largely fulfilling.

Having deeper, more important, emotions to everyone else has been an obstacle and quite rightly can come under fire as being selfish and too full of my own importance.

Without doubt, the symptoms of PD are not merely little guidelines to my own experiences.  At different times in the past 50 years, they have become major issues, not only affecting me but also those nearest and dearest.

At times, people might have found my behaviour somewhat challenging.  Until I read into PD, I did not quite appreciate just how baffling that might have been.

I’m not sure if this should be having such a positive effect on my overall thinking.  Suddenly, it feels like a clearer understanding is developing of what makes me tick.  The scope to adjust and almost learn certain “appropriate behaviours” is encouraging.  It couldn’t have come at a better time, when other positive changes are taking place.

It’s good to share with like-minded people and helps ease that alienated feeling.

[captainkeefy]

Hey Catb,

I've just got back from Therapy and I got my wife to come with me and my therapist has just been discussing my behaviour. We talked about my push/pull cycles, my fear of abandonment and my crazy mood swings from depression to elation, which can change within the hour. The words Bi-Polar came up but I said its not just my moods, it's also my feelings of self worth that change. My Therapist explained it to my wife in words that where perfect and then asked me if he was right and I was left dumbfounded really. We discussed my personality modes too and my Therapist was asking if I ever acted like a child and my wife starting telling him all the things I do like sitting and sulking when I'm criticised. I'm starting to feel like people actually understand what it's like to be me which can be pretty exhausting to be honest.

I get what you mean about seeing symptoms of all the PDs I do feel paranoid a lot and I am very avoidant at times. I can be seen as quite narsasistic at times, although I'm not really. I've been called a pyscho before for not showing my 'Genuine emotions.' As apparently they are always 'exaggerated' I've just been refarred to by my wife as a drama queen. Lol.

I hope you don't mind me posting this but I feel everything is pointing towards my personality at the moment and I find it good to chat to someone else who is in the same boat as me, having to look at how they behave around other people and how it effects people and us. I know this thread is about BPD and I'm not BPD but I can see there are similarities between how I behave and how people with BPD behave.

[Catbrian]

When I was initially diagnosed, Bipolar was also included.  I think the mood swings in Bipolar last a lot longer than daily swings. Personally, it only takes one little issue to bring my whole world crumbling in around me, or that's what it feels like. That is being put down to PD

Somewhere along the line, it became more difficult for me to show emotion; to touch or be touched, especially around family.  It can feel confusing and frustrating.  However, learning more about the condition, helps to keep a lid on it.

I am pleased you took your wife to the Therapist; that can only be a positive thing.  I think very often, people around us notice and understand more than we think they do.

I am very tired tonight so it's bed time.

[Catbrian]

Hey CaptK

Your post has been thought provoking.  It has come to mind on and off today and I can identify with a lot of what you are currently exploring in therapy.

These “push/pull cycles” that you touch on.  I call them my “hot and cold” moods.  They absolutely drive me nuts; sometimes it feels as if that mentality has a mind of its own.  Because it is a genuine emotion at the time, it feels impossible to see past it, or bring about a change in thinking. 

I can relate to the narcissism/psycho response to certain things and this was a concern of mine a few years ago, during group therapy, when I had to confront an air of indifference for other people’s feelings.  I became aware that a great deal of my responses was like a learned-behaviour.  This has largely changed in recent years.  It is interesting to read the info on PD that says this part of life can become easier as someone gets older (well, I think it does!)

Does your therapist have any incline as to how to deal with these traits?  Is it an NHS therapist?  I might take a bit of convincing that the behaviours of PD can change through something like CBT.

I’m not so sure I am Borderline.  When my Psychiatrist first diagnosed, her intention was that I would research the condition, as well as Bipolar, and go back to discuss later.  I plan to see her again in a few weeks when I organise a car.  From the info I read, I fit into cluster A as much as B.  When my depression was at its worst, I did suffer bouts of psychosis and this might make me think I also fall into every category of PD.  Most of the symptoms have had major impacts throughout my life. 

These last few weeks, it is a great revelation to read up on this crippling condition.  At times, I have mistaken some of the symptoms as depression; it is a weight off my shoulders to view it all from an entirely different perspective.

Probably only someone with knowledge or experience of Personality Disorder will understand most of what I’m saying.  I hope I haven’t been blabbing boring rubbish (that’s the paranoia kicking in!!)

[captainkeefy]

Hi Catb,

I've got to admit that I don't find what your saying is babbling boring rubbish. I spent sometime on a forum for people who are connected to people with BPD and people there couldn't understand behaviour that they where seeing. I soon noticed that I understood most of the behaviour being discussed. Then one day there was a post on the forum which had described my exact behaviour from that morning and I had to check the time and computer history. Then when my wife was with me at therapy she was asking all the questions that I read regularly on that forum. My therapist is a N.H.S. therapist but I don't think he's doing C.B.T. With me anymore. We did two sessions and since then it seems to be general therapy. I find we spend most of the time talking about feelings and my childhood rather than thoughts and stuff like we did originally. I know D.B.T. Is especially for B.P.D. I don't know if that's available in this country.

When you go through your cycles do you find you absolutely adore someone and its like a fire in your heart and a knot in your stomach and the next minute they can look at you funny or say something critical or something and then your feelings just change like walls come crashing down around you and you feel really depressed and angry at them.
I go into silent mode then and can't make eye contact with them, I've done this with my Therapist and my G.P.  and I feel empty inside, that's where I feel the crumbling inside me.

[Catbrian]

Yes, well, you remind me of the dark times when I did experience those intense feelings in relationships and remember too well that sinking feeling, when something changes and it feels so permanent.  It's like the bottom of your world falls out and all your feelings with it.  That emptiness is soon filled with fear and bewilderment, even repulsion for my own behaviour.

I withdrew from life completely for a few years and have obviously protected myself against these experiences.  I have been happily single for 13 years; it's much easier with less complication.  I cannot imagine loneliness ever being part of my life.

I like to think of myself as tough, but can crumble at the slightest bit of criticism and will be absolutely beside myself whenever I feel unfairly treated.  Without doubt, emotions can run high and be erratic, which I now understand as traits of PD.

I fear it all makes me sound like a horrible person, unworthy of friendship or trust.  These are difficult traits to admit, but it’s a bit like admitting you have an addiction problem, once you admit, you surrender yourself and pave the way for some kind of healing.

This thread has been good for helping me explore my initial thoughts and feeling about Personality Disorder.  The diagnosis and my subsequent understanding are having a profound effect on my overall MH.  It comes at a time when major changes were already under way.  You could say it is my icing on the cake.

It has been difficult to talk or write about PD anywhere else.  I haven’t really known what to say.  It is a much more difficult condition to explain.  Even the title sounds OTT and a bit ‘looney-tune’.  However, for a change, everything is making much more sense to me.

[captainkeefy]

When I read your posts it really gives me a feeling of peace inside. I've been thinking a lot that I have internalized so much of how I feel that's its hard to start explaining it to people. I feel like I would be seen as extremely weird if I started acting how I feel in the outside world. I keep quiet when I'm being criticised by an employer when I can feel all these emotions running away inside me. I could quite happily burst into tears or get really angry and start shouting but instead I just feel a deep shame and sit there and take it. Lately I've been thinking that I could easily compare my emotions to that of a teen girl and have to fight to keep them all in.

For me I would like to get a diagnosis now. To me this would be an important part of the rebuilding process as I am aware of how I feel but also part of me is in denial, saying to myself my therapist hasn't told me anythings wrong it is kind of telling part of me there is nothing wrong but I know there is. I guess what I'm saying is that the first thing I need really is to accept that there is something wrong. Then I would be able to work on it. Also I can see things differently now and how I have hurt some people and I would like to be able to give them an explanation about why I have acted the way I did. I'm just finding it frustrating not have a name for what is going on. Imagine being told that you have a lump and when you ask if it is serious the doctor avoiding the question, it's kind of like that to me.

When you say that you think you fit into all the personality clusters did you know that everybody's personality is built up of these personality types. It's when one sticks out and causes a pervasive pattern of hurt in work,social life and in your ability to form relationships. For me I definitely struggle in all three. The way I see the words personality disorder is that all these things in all 3 clusters should live harmoniously within our personality but when one sticks out professionals consider it disordered from the others. Borderline is actually an outdated name now too. I think they should rename it and from what I've read I think Emotionally unstable points to cluster B in general I.e Emotionally unstable personality disorder borderline type or histrionic type. This is what I've put together from reading thing anyway. Maybe it would be a good topic to discuss? Especially other people got involved.

Anyway, I'm glad you have shared your posts with me some far. I felt really alone since starting therapy and you saying you relate has really helped me. I was thinking this morning of putting it like this to people.' I feel I'm in a world where I often feel alone, even though I don't feel lonely. Where I feel scared for no apparent reason and all I need is a little understanding.'