How are you feeling today?

[Lol]

Lol, you advised me the other day to not feel guilty if I had decided to let go so you need to follow your advice. You can't put your own life on hold waiting for her to get better. You need to look after yourself and go out with your friends. Hopefully she will get better soon and then you will both be in a position to be together. I'm sure your ex is not happy with who she has become but she has just accepted it as who she now. Maybe it's not a case of letting go yet, maybe you do just need to let her deal with her things and you focus on you and being with your friends??

I agree on the trying to stay friends as at least then you will feel you are still there for her. I wish I had some advice on how to stay friends but I have struggled with this myself! It is hard to be friends with someone that you are still in love with. Is it better to have them in your life in some way rather than in no way at all??

Leese, yes, I'm sorry I do sound a little hypocritical at at times, I give advice and am terrible at taking it myself. It is a battle between my head and my heart. It is that I believe in the union between 2 people. We were not married but we committed to each other as such. I don't believe that you should give up, divorce, break up. Particularly if nothing went wrong! It therefore still feels like I have myself committed one of the most terrible crimes against spouse according to my own morals!! But she gave up on me. So I can't believe in some one who doesn't believe can I? Oh gosh I don't know. My head is going to explode.

I don't know if it is better to have some one in your life than not at all because it is such fingernail pulling, gut wrenching, fingernails down the blackboard, lemonjuice in your eye, disemboweling torture to do it.

[Leese]

Lol, your head sounds as chaotic as mine! The battle between the head and heart is the worst! My head tells me that if my ex has told me he has given up on us, i should let go and build a happy life for me and my child, my heart wont let me let go of the person that i love that i know is ill with this horrible depression!!

Am sat here on a Friday evening feeling sorry for myself thinking what would be doing if my ex was here with a bag a doritos as the only thing to comfort me! Ha ha. Make sure you have a nice weekend with your friend and take some time for yourself.

[Lol]

RIGHT BACK AT'CHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Consider yourself very much not alone! I have a beer and a cat for comfort.  $%$   ^&^

[cornish]

Words cannot express how bad I feel right now, only the promise to my psychologist is keeping me from committing suicide 
Don't see any point in carrying on, I know I can get a little better but it's extremely unlikely I will ever be anything like I used to be. If I can never be my self again what's the point

Cornish I'm so sorry you feel like this. This is one of the most difficult times you have ever had to deal with and you have been through an awful lot. You are feeling so desperate and sad and I sense you are in total dispair.

You are a very courageous person. You are still here because of your courageousness, stubbornness and honour to your promise to your psychologist who you respect a lot. I am very glad you made that promise and are still here today. You are very important to your family, friends, us and me. Your mum is desperately concerned for you and somtimes doesn't show her feelings very well because of fear but she loves you very dearly and would be desperately sad if you ended your life. As would the rest of your family and of course us.

Your memories of yourself before your accident are painful and make you draw comparrisons between yourself then and yourself now. From what you have said, it sounds like the possibility of you returning to your old self is unlikely but not impossible. Maybe that is not the goal though. You can transform through this, shape and change. It has affected you and you have learned and grown so much through this experience. You have been through too much &$%+ over this illness to just give it the satisfaction of claiming you now. Please see Cornish, that you can come out the other side of this what ever that may mean. Perhaps the aim now is not to return, but to get out.

You have been through such traumatic, torturous times with such courage and strength, that I can imagine you would be BRILLIANT at developing a career or even voluteer work at helping others come to terms with their similar experiences. I believe that might be the point in carrying on. You are an inspiration. An amazing man. some one to look up to and admire. No one I know is coping with what you are coping with and you have shown many many people your tyranny over your illnesses. We have such respect for you and I am humbled in your presence.

yes its not impossible to get close to getting better but its virtually impossible to be my old self again.

i always feel bad for being here as i dont feel like i belong here, i have more problems than most of you know and i do go to more specialized forums but its just a nicer place here and the people are awesome.

i never feel like im strong or like i should be admired, im barely coping with a few invisible illnesses, i dont really understand how you can respect me when i spend my life struggling with working or doing nothing at all and self harming.

[Zaf]

cornish you do belong here if you want to be here, I often feel I shouldnt be here as I dont really have as bad problems as the majority of people that post.

You have insipred me again and again with the way you fight your illness, you might not understand why but all I can tell you is that I admire you immensely and you have helped me a huge amount since I've been posting here xxx

[Alstare1974]

Hello everyone.

[Zaf]

Hello Alstare, how are you? xx

[cornish]

i feel like i dont belong due to being basically beyond help, well thats how i feel.

thank you zaf, im just a stubborn git really, thats the only reason im still fighting but i feel like its too much work to keep my self fighting.



yesterday i had my first session of EMDR but not using the eyes, as that wouldn't work for me for some reason. was confusing at first then VERY disturbing and hugely traumatic.  really dont think i could do it again.
im going to give it another chance to try and address the P.T.S.D. as  hopefully if it does help as i might be able to cope everyday a little better.



hey alstare

[Lol]

yes its not impossible to get close to getting better but its virtually impossible to be my old self again.

i always feel bad for being here as i dont feel like i belong here, i have more problems than most of you know and i do go to more specialized forums but its just a nicer place here and the people are awesome.

i never feel like im strong or like i should be admired, im barely coping with a few invisible illnesses, i dont really understand how you can respect me when i spend my life struggling with working or doing nothing at all and self harming.
[/quote]

How many problems must one have to be on here? I don't even have depression at the moment and here I am. Are you miffed to find me here?

You of course don't feel strong, this is what I was trying to say the other day. Inside you feel weak and feel you don't have the strength to carry on, yet you do carry on and that my friend, is what I'm talking about.

Whether or not you think you should be admired is irrelavent, you are being admired and people wish to tell you that. It has nothing to do with what you want, it's how we feel.

We respect you because through everything you are coping with you are a lovely, lovely person and still take the time to help others to great effect. You have shown courage; something we have all felt we have lacked at one time or other. Perspective; again, something we lack all the time because we are so inside our own situations that we can't see the wood for the trees. Compassion; you've shown buckets of this, you understand and empathise and are gentle and non-judgemental in showing this. Sometimes you say something that ONLY YOU could possibly have understood about something and you have contributed greatly to everyones understanding of the facets of depression and other personality disorders.

You do struggle with work, but we are all relatively struggling with our own problems and understand how difficult it is to do so. Your self harming is a coping mechanism because of your struggle and because it's too much and has to manifest in another way to attempt to satisfy your dispair and it's part of you. Fpr me, and I don't think I'm alone here, these are just two of the MANY things about you that command such respect.

I really don't think you realise how important you are here. On the planet and in this forum. Imagine what you can do Cornish! look at the affect you have on people!

Please take care and stay here Cornish, You are very very important and I want you to stay. Please promise me as well.

[Lol]

What's EMDR Cornish? (sorry)

Hi Alstare, how are you doing today?

[Zaf]

I know its probably impossible to convince you otherwise at the moment but you belong here as much as the rest of us xx

I just had to google EMDR, it sounds very scary and horrid, I think you're very brave even considering it but yet again it shows your strength and determination.

I know what you mean about feeling its too hard to keep fighting, try to tackle everything a minute at a time, sometimes its the only way

[Alstare1974]

Going to pack up the house tomorrow. Feel bit worried about it all. Ho hey.

[Zaf]

Thats not going to be easy Alstare, do you have someone helping you?

[Alstare1974]

Yes two friends and my mum are coming to help.

[Lol]

Good luck with that Alstare. That will take a lot or courage. Please feel the strength of your friends whilst you are with them and try to make a date to see them again in the future. This might create a positive date in the future to look forward to. Your mum has been a rock. Mums are great.

Cornish hold on mate. Please.

Zaf, tomorrow you're going to have a great day. You'll make it to the forest and have some valuable you time and a relaxing, beneficial meditation.

Munchroom, good luck with your Haloween party tomorrow I'll be thinking of you

Depina, I hope you're enjoying every minute of your family staying and your grandchildren are bringing you as much joy as you deserve.

Kareng + Leese, what can I say. You are not alone.  &*(

Good night everyone. I've got to be up in the morning for work and have a friend coming this weekend on a rescue mission! Need some beauty sleep because tomorrow aint gonna be pretty!!!!