How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

I know I need to and I shall get out unless its pouring with rain, I'm really determined to grab hold of this small spark of improvement to do something that ought to do me good :)

[Lol]

You can do it Zaf it will make you feel soooooooo good.  :)

[Zaf]

I'm determined lol,  I know it will help to get out into nature again,  it may be a struggle but I'm jolly well going to do it and beat this damned illness.....

[Zaf]

How are you today lol?

[Lol]

I'm horrendous. I told another friend last night about the whole situation and again they were utterly utterly gobsmacked. It was nice to talk about it and be supported but the more people can't understand it as much as I do the more of an unecessary shame it seems to be and I have started to really resent her now which I hate doing. Well, not her per se, because she is gone, but the callous robot that has taken her place I am starting to loath. Then the more I differentiate between the old and new person, the more I miss the old person and want them back again it's a twisting, torturous mess. People also naturally say - what if in 3 years time you have moved on and she 'wakes up' and realises what a mistake she's made! And this thought has been going round and round in my head for 5 months and it is one of the most compelling for still holding on and not letting go, but I have to let go because she is so sure that this is the person she has become and is happy being. I have a friend coming up on a 'rescue mission' this week end and I'm looking forward to that, haven't looked forward to anything in such a long time.

I feel massive guilt because I feel like I have abandoned her. Do you think I should have held on longer?? 

Sorry Zaf that was quite a rant for a simple question!!

[Zaf]

rant away lol, its good to get these things out.

It really shows you that your feelings arent misplaced if everyone else is shocked by what has happened,  I can understand you starting to dislike who she has become and share your concern that if she comes to her senses and returns to the real her it may be too late to recover the relationship or she will feel too guilty or ashamed to try to.

I dont think much more would have been achieved by holding on for much longer but if you can at least remain friends perhaps she will realise what she has lost and how the ilness has affected her judgement

Its great you have friends to talk to and one coming for a rescue mission, just dont drink too much of your cat's beer

[Lol]

The cat's going to have to go T-Total for the week end let me tell you!!!! 

How do you remain friends? I'm in love with her. I've never been friends with any ex's and I don't understand how this can be achieved. Does anyone have any tips?

[Got]

I don't have any tips I am sorry. I would say if you love her the you should just stand by whatever she does for the sake of love....but in reality, that would be a living nightmare and it could cause you immense pain.

Dialogue is important in these situations, but I am getting the impression she isn't being very considerate in that respect. I do beleive it is a big defense mechanism of some sort, like I said. I've seen it, experienced it, and it is nothing other than unnecessary, and hugely painful.

All I can say to you is that I genuinly feel sad for you, because this story is close to the bone for me and I genuinly find it upsetting. Such a shame, and I hope with time you will heal.

[Lol]

Standing by her for the sake of love. Yes mate that's it.

Thank you

How the chuff am I going to do that...................

[Leese]

Lol, you advised me the other day to not feel guilty if I had decided to let go so you need to follow your advice. You can't put your own life on hold waiting for her to get better. You need to look after yourself and go out with your friends. Hopefully she will get better soon and then you will both be in a position to be together. I'm sure your ex is not happy with who she has become but she has just accepted it as who she now. Maybe it's not a case of letting go yet, maybe you do just need to let her deal with her things and you focus on you and being with your friends??

I agree on the trying to stay friends as at least then you will feel you are still there for her. I wish I had some advice on how to stay friends but I have struggled with this myself! It is hard to be friends with someone that you are still in love with. Is it better to have them in your life in some way rather than in no way at all??

[Got]

Standing by her for the sake of love. Yes mate that's it.

Thank you

How the chuff am I going to do that...................

I'm not suggesting you do....it would rip your heart out. I feel sad for you.

[cornish]

Words cannot express how bad I feel right now, only the promise to my psycoligust is keeping me from committing suicide 
Don't see any point in carrying on, I know I can get a little better but it's extremely unlikely I will ever be anything like I used to be. If I can never be my self again what's the point

[Got]

I feel like this sometimes.....but then I begin to feel better again. You may improve alot still yet, please remember the low mood you have now is a feeling, albeit a pervasive one agreed...hold onto that something that keeps you going.... remember to call crisis team or samaritans if things are so bad...you may not feel like it now but your condition will improve.....

[Zaf]

You might not return to your old self cornish but that doesnt mean you cant come out the other side of this to enjoy life again,  you are a strong bloke so now you need to use that strength and stubborness to keep that promise you made.

As Stevie says, if you get desperate please call the Samaritans  xxx

[Lol]

Words cannot express how bad I feel right now, only the promise to my psycoligust is keeping me from committing suicide 
Don't see any point in carrying on, I know I can get a little better but it's extremely unlikely I will ever be anything like I used to be. If I can never be my self again what's the point

Cornish I'm so sorry you feel like this. This is one of the most difficult times you have ever had to deal with and you have been through an awful lot. You are feeling so desperate and sad and I sense you are in total dispair.

You are a very courageous person. You are still here because of your courageousness, stubbornness and honour to your promise to your psychologist who you respect a lot. I am very glad you made that promise and are still here today. You are very important to your family, friends, us and me. Your mum is desperately concerned for you and somtimes doesn't show her feelings very well because of fear but she loves you very dearly and would be desperately sad if you ended your life. As would the rest of your family and of course us.

Your memories of yourself before your accident are painful and make you draw comparrisons between yourself then and yourself now. From what you have said, it sounds like the possibility of you returning to your old self is unlikely but not impossible. Maybe that is not the goal though. You can transform through this, shape and change. It has affected you and you have learned and grown so much through this experience. You have been through too much &$%+ over this illness to just give it the satisfaction of claiming you now. Please see Cornish, that you can come out the other side of this what ever that may mean. Perhaps the aim now is not to return, but to get out.

You have been through such traumatic, torturous times with such courage and strength, that I can imagine you would be BRILLIANT at developing a career or even voluteer work at helping others come to terms with their similar experiences. I believe that might be the point in carrying on. You are an inspiration. An amazing man. some one to look up to and admire. No one I know is coping with what you are coping with and you have shown many many people your tyranny over your illnesses. We have such respect for you and I am humbled in your presence.