How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

A bit weird today, bursting with energy first thing and a bit restless, now desperately sleepy but not really physically tired, this is a new one for me and not really sure how to deal with it.

[hope123]

Zaf ~ take it how it comes, but I hope you don't find it too overwhelming!

I had quite a nice day, went out with mum, gave a finished painting to my mums friend who really liked it. But then this evening when mum went to bed, my head started working up again over things.

[cornish]

its a dosage change side effect and he warns me about it every time i go up a dose. what ever i take i slowly become resistant to it and then it stops working, im already oh a very high dose so the side effects are pretty intense, i just put up with them.

right tomorrow morning im going to say i need a weekend off, i really do intent to but dunno if i will be able to do it as i hate letting people down but my boss is very understanding and a brilliant bloke to work for so he should be ok.
now im really worried about this


ive just realised that ive lost about quite a few hours tonight. i have no idea what ive done since i got home some where between 5.30 and 6.    i hate it when this happens to me, its happened a few times so far,never for this long. not sure how many times its happened but its bloody scary when u dont know whats happened and things have been done that you know only you could have done    my memory is slowly failing me, im starting to find it hard to remember things from my past and forgetting things within seconds sometimes

other than that ive had a bad day, lost a bit of time at work and found my pockets full of nuts and bolts, didnt get the job finished today feel like a failure as it was a fairly easy job. i lost my hi vis coat, its was no where on site and the security gaurd said i walked off site for about 45 mins. my constant head ache seems worse and the numbness caused by nerve damage in my left hand is really getting to me and i really do feel like cutting 2 of my fingers and part of my hand off.

[Zaf]

Feeling really grotty today guys, will pop back in later when I feel a bit more with it

[Munchroom]

Hope, that sounds like a really good day  :) I know what you mean about your head working things over - I'm on my own most of the day when Chris is at work, but theres always things to distract me or keep me busy. As soon as I'm in bed, Chris is asleep and the lights are off.... the overthinking begins  It's horrible, but so hard to prevent. I try to concentrate on either my bum exercises  or try and thing of how to make something.... a story or a new cake or recipe idea! Sometimes that doesn't quite work because it makes me want to get get up and jot it down, or do it. BUT its better than over-thinking, which is awful and not as easy to stop as some people seem to think it is.

Thats really good news about the weekend Cornish  :) I know you are dreading it already, but maybe try and plan something? Take a trip somewhere or do some work on your land rover? You are not letting anyone down by not going into work - everyone needs time off or they will burn themselves out and they won't be any use to anyone! You are being a rational, reasonable human being. You say your boss understands and he is great to work for - but if it gets found out that he is letting you work constantly, with no days off, I have a feeling he could end up in big trouble, whether he is aware/paying you/putting it through the books or not, the DWP (I presume) would just see him as the employer and you as the employee - everythings pretty black and white to them as I have found out!!
Have you mentioned to your doctor about your memory and losing hours? It might not be your illness, but down to the high dosage of meds you are on? OR it could be your minds way of helping you cope - I had a pretty awful time at secondary school, so much so that I had to be taken out of school and home tutored for the 2 GCSE's that I was able to take - but I can only remember snapshots of that time, if you asked me to put them in any sort of order or tell you exactly what happened, I wouldn't be able to. Its not that my memory is terrible, I can tell you in detail things that happened before that and immediately after I finished school - but I feel my mind has blanked out massive areas of a very difficult time in my life simply to protect me.

Zaf, I'm really sorry you are feeling so rotten today. Perhaps it is the weekend catching up with you - I often find if I have done something big, its not the day after I feel it, but a few days down the line. The feeling you described yesterday is awful - I have had it a few times and I literally do not know where to put myself. Going out for a short walk can help a little, getting some fresh air and making yourself feel a little more physically tired... but its hard to do when your mind is so exhausted and you just want to sleep but your body won't let you. How about a very relaxing bath with candles, lavender and maybe a little glass of wine (or whatever you like to drink that tends to relax you)? Might help...
I hope you can make it to your treat thismorning and that you enjoy it, you really do deserve it  :)

I'm not going to do too much today (she says!) I had a very busy day yesterday with my parents... job-centre meeting, picking up a very cool picture from a charity shop and making a new friend in the process(!), a shop in Tescos (which I managed to do on my own whilst my parents went for coffee!! It was hard and I could feel a panic attack coming on a few times, but I managed to hold it back and cope!!!) then walking the dogs with my mum and finding LOTS of wild growing fruit in the field where we walk the dog.... and then vets with Mr Benjamin for is old man jabs (he was not impressed  ) and then cooking dinner! AND THEN... I couldnt even go to bed really early as I wanted to because Chris' brother was here playing xbox and he tends to have a very boomy voice, which gets louder when you are trying to sleep!  So yeah... a few quietish days before I work Saturday night I think! Gonna make some Damson jam and see how that turns out before I go and pick billions of the things! 

xxx

[smirfy21]

Cornish I know how you feel losing time can be a complete nightmare especialy when you do something unknowingly. I think it comes with the teritory and im afraid I have no advice for this as it is something that I too have been struggling with especialy the loss of memory which as a university student can be extremely hard because it affects every aspect of uni life.
I can spend hours doing something and not know what I have done and more often than not, not had anything to show for that time, mom says its like I live in my own little bubble and nobody can get through.

perhaps its a long term affect of medications taken or just another part of missing a neuron or two who knows I have never really questioned it as I just figured it was part of the depression.

anyway ramble over I hope that you are able to have a better day tomorrow and relax as you say at the weekend
smirfy :)

[Zaf]

Thanks Munchroom, I know I have to expect these down days, hopefully tomorrow will be better :)

[cornish]

well i said i needed time off and he said no problem, a weekend off is scary for me. im not planning anything, im literally going to do nothing at all other than relax.
everything is done though the books but he doesn't always know the hours im working, i never really book all the hours i work if i can get away with it, i feel like im taking advantage, i think one week i could have taken home a four figure pay check but felt guilty and didn't book all the hours an only ended up with far less.
i signed a thing i wrote stating i would be willing to work over the average of 48 hours a week, so it is all legal and i can end that with 7 days notice and i cant be forced to work more than my contracted 40 hours.  that was my idea after researching it as he said i couldn't do more than 48 a week

i probably should but i i dont really care what the dwp think, its my way of coping and i need to do it


actually i haven't really mentioned the memory loss, probably forgot about it 

[Depina]

Hi
Had a good morning working at the Hospice from Home charity shop, only do Thurs morns. This afternoon a downward slide, my husband was in a foul mood, and we ended up having a row. I can't cope with rows - my head goes sort of numb? so I usually slink off to another room. Anyway he came and said what he thought of me coming on this forum, he just does NOT understand how I need to talk, especially with people who know how I feel. I could not talk to him, he is out now, anyway I can't send any personal e-mails as he reads them. AGH it is SO irritating !
Hope you are feeling better Zaf - take it easy.XX

Cornish you made me laugh re loss of memory. I must remember to tell the doc tomorrow that I am always forgetting things, ever in mid sentance !

Hears to better days to come!  HUGS XX

Thanks for people who care

[Zaf]

You're right about the working hours regulations cornish (unless the law has changed recently), if you sign an agreement you can work more than 48 hours.

But well done taking tis weekend off' I hope you get a really good rest and it doesnt stress you out too much not working

[Zaf]

Hi
Had a good morning working at the Hospice from Home charity shop, only do Thurs morns. This afternoon a downward slide, my husband was in a foul mood, and we ended up having a row. I can't cope with rows - my head goes sort of numb? so I usually slink off to another room. Anyway he came and said what he thought of me coming on this forum, he just does NOT understand how I need to talk, especially with people who know how I feel. I could not talk to him, he is out now, anyway I can't send any personal e-mails as he reads them. AGH it is SO irritating !
Hope you are feeling better Zaf - take it easy.XX

Cornish you made me laugh re loss of memory. I must remember to tell the doc tomorrow that I am always forgetting things, ever in mid sentance !

Hears to better days to come!  HUGS XX

Thanks for people who care

It cant be easy if your husband doesnt understand, mine does make the occasional sarky remark about me being on line a lot and using this forum, but I'm apalled yours reads your personal emails

I keep thinking of things I want to say but my brain freezes so hopefully someone else will have better advice

Thanks :)  I'm sure its only a blip but its horrible when it happens....

Hope all goes well with the doc tomorrow xx

[Depina]

Rest and get better Zef - thanks for all you do and your help for people on the forum HUGS XX

[cornish]

ive had a bit of retail therapy today and got my self yet another set of wheels (heavy duty military wolf wheels) for my land rover, not sure how many that is now    didnt make me feel any better, dosage increase side effects are really starting to kick in now. gotta think positive, hopefully its only for a few more days and then it settles back down to normal high dosage side effects.

Hi
Had a good morning working at the Hospice from Home charity shop, only do Thurs morns. This afternoon a downward slide, my husband was in a foul mood, and we ended up having a row. I can't cope with rows - my head goes sort of numb? so I usually slink off to another room. Anyway he came and said what he thought of me coming on this forum, he just does NOT understand how I need to talk, especially with people who know how I feel. I could not talk to him, he is out now, anyway I can't send any personal e-mails as he reads them. AGH it is SO irritating !
Hope you are feeling better Zaf - take it easy.XX

Cornish you made me laugh re loss of memory. I must remember to tell the doc tomorrow that I am always forgetting things, ever in mid sentance !

Hears to better days to come!  HUGS XX

Thanks for people who care

have you tried explaining how this helps you, and the emails thing is a step to far, talk to him about it, change your password. 
maybe we should start a thread with reasons why this place helps us :)

im glad i made you laugh, i have a strange sense of humor. i think its the only thing thats still the same about me.

[smirfy21]

I am feeling quite groggy. I fell asleep at around three O'clock during the day today and didn't wake up until midnight so I pretty much lost an entire day which I havn't done in a long time but in the long run I think its probably just my bodies way of coping.

Cornish enjoy your weekend and try to relax as much as possible I know that the dosage increase can be a complete pain at first but hopefuly the side effects will decrease with time.

Zaf I am sorry to hear that your feeling grotty its not easy so I hope that you are feeling happier and more positive in the morning but if not were all hear if you want to unload on someone. just keep in mind how much you have helped people like me on this forum :)

smirfy

[Zaf]

Thanks all

Ive woken up still feeling really tired but not quite so down,  you're right smirfy that sleeping a lot is your body telling you that it needs to rest and recouperate but its terrible feeling so tired all the time and falling asleep all over the place

Ive got my last session of counselling today,  I'm looking forward to seeing her,  she really has helped the way I think and in turn thats has helped reduce my stress levels,  its a shame she'll be off work for the next 5 weeks, I do have the opportunity of seeing someone else if I really need to but unless I have a crisis I think I'd prefer to keep seeing the same person.

Ive been considering some serious decisions about things in my life recently and when I'm feeling up to it I'll probably inflict a long post on you all and possibly ask for some feedback.

Thanks everyone,  I really dont know how I'd have coped without being able to chat to you all in here  &*(