How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

Is it something in particular or just generally frightened?

[Rycing]

I feel frightened today.

&*(

[supportme]

Everything, Zaf. I am terrified I won't get better. I'm scared that I'm not strong enough to fight this. I'm upset because I don't think I will ever find anyone who loves me for me. I don't know what I'm going to do. I feel really stupid, for spending 15 months with a pathetic excuse of a man. I don't know if there will ever be a decent one out there. I am so insecure. I have lost all my confidence, and I just want to hide from the world. xx

[supportme]

I don't want to do it anymore. I want to throw in the towel

[Zaf]

Thats the depression talking supportme, try to tackle one feeling at a time and one day at a time if you can.  This horrible illness takes our confidence away and makes us feel totally insecure, in July I was having panic attacks at the thought of going outside, totally not 'me' as I'm normally an outdoor person, some days I still feel uncomfortable outside - I know its the depression making me feel like that but its still scary when it happens

You will get better but when you are this low fighting it can be counterproductive, rest is incredibly important at his stage and allowing youself to do (or not do) what you feel like if you possibly can.

&*(

[Zaf]

I don't want to do it anymore. I want to throw in the towel

You can do it supportme, we will help, have you seen your GP recently because I think you need to tell him/her how bad you are feeling &*(

[Rycing]

Supportme;
Zaf is spot on...it's the illness making you feel this way. The thing helping me right now is remembering how bad I was before and that I have got over it...even though I could see no way through at the time.
I also agree that your GP needs to know.
Kind regards.xx

[Buttercup]

Hi Supportme. This is a horrible illness that strips away all confidence. I also worry that I will never get better, but my GP is very supportive and encourages me a lot. Zaf is right you need to tell your GP how you are feeling, it's not always easy though, it took me several visits before I managed to explain everything.  &*(

[Glen53]

We will be here to talk to you supportme, but I agree with Zaf, Rycing and Buttercup. If you feel strong enough, please talk to your GP and tell him/her how low you feel. You can get through this i promise, but you need extra support on some of the tougher days you face.

Remember what i said about myself in November? I could not see a way forward either, but with the right help I was able to pick myself up and fight on.
 
&*( for you.

[CharleysAngel']

I agree with everyone else that you should see your GP supportme, they can be really helpful. I'm really lucky to have a GP that I really trust and can talk to.

My throat is hurting again, I seem to always have a sore throat. And my lip is still stinging, I don't even know what I did to it

[Zaf]

I wonder if you have a throat infection thats grumbling away and flaring up from time to time?  Might be worth mentioning to your doctor next time you have an appointment.  xx

[CharleysAngel']

I have an appointment for the 14th so if I'm still having problems I will mention it then. But my mum may have found out everything thats happening before then so it might all change 

[Munchroom]

I am laying here now I am thinking about self harm. I think about it a lot but I have only ever done it once. I have tried several times since then but it can never make myself bleed. Even now I still have times often when I really want to hurt myself but I am too scared of hurting myself now, I do not have the energy to go through with it, I find it so hard to do. My doctor does know that I have thought about doing it but not that I actually have done it once.

I don't really know what this means, does it mean that my depression is not that bad? I don't really understand it much and I haven't spoken about it with anyone except my doctor and even then I wasn't exactly honest.

I think self harm is a very difficult thing to explain. From what I can determine people do it for a number of different reasons and some are very personal to them.

The fact that you have thought about it and not gone through with it shows huge strength. It does not for one moment mean that your depression 'isn't that bad' or shouldn't be taken just as seriously as depression in someone that does self harm, but we all have different ways of coping.

I have self harmed for over a year - sometimes worse than others and I would urge you to try and keep that strength you have. Sometimes for me it seems like an invisible line has been crossed and once past it there is no going back. I have scars that will be with me for life and I have friends that I can tell are always subconsciously checking out my wrists, they do it because they care and I appreciate that... but it doesn't take away the shame that can come in the cold light of day.

Xx

[supportme]

Thank you for everyone's reply. I have always had these thoughts, these insecurities. I must have been suffering with depression even before I had anorexia (6 years ago).

I have a CBT telephone consultation tomorrow morning, 9.10am, then seeing my gp in the afternoon, to get another certificate. I can't work. I haven't been offered a counsellor or anyone to talk to. I did see a private lady before, my ex boyfriend paid, but that went wrong.

I don't want to call anyone and tell them I want to die.

Why would I want anyone to hear me say it. It was hard enough saying it to my dad without screaming with tears.

I'm so messed up in my head.

I'm not doing it. No more.

I'm sorry everyone.


It's just not worth it. I was never meant to be born. I will never find true love. I've had some absolutely rubbish friends. I just don't get it.

I'm sorry.

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Munchroom x

I wonder if it is a matter of strength or the fact that I just don't have it in me to cause enough injury to satisfy my pain. Its the worst thing in the world when your at it for hours with a pair of scissors and you just cannot make yourself bleed, I remember I was just praying to draw blood because I thought it would make it better, and it didn't. It just hurt like hell and was almost impossible to keep covered. I was so ashamed of myself afterwards, it was a stupid thing to do and I knew that no one would understand that I did it because I had to and it wasn't really a choice. Now I don't think I could do it again, it doesn't help but I want to do it so much. I don't know what I want and I feel so confused about it