How are you feeling today?

[Lol]

It would be great to get safely off your Venlafaxine Munchroom! Lets celebrate when you take your last one! £$£ I'm glad you feal a little brighter today, getting your hair done and wondering around town with your mum sounds nice  :)

Holykimura I'm sorry your approach was not well received, this was very disappointing for you and brought extra worry that your escape route was cordoned off! And by the person you had hoped would direct you towards it. I sense that for you to do something that would relieve the anxiety of your partner, it would increase your own. and you are the one suffering from depression and anxiety. This is a very concerning and dangerous to your health. I'm afraid I would agree with Zaf. We don't know your personal relationship so please put us right if necessary and we will totally stand corrected and relieved, but emotional blackmail should not feature here. Not at all. Your health is a priority and support is not only needed but absolutely essential. You partner anticipates difficulties that she is insinuating she will be attributing directly toward you. Your relatioship will suffer under this accusation of pressure and you will feel guilt that will prevent your recovery. If you continue you will be forced into that situation only worse and for longer. Your relationship will suffer here also. It is very important that she understands what you mean, but alas, that might be impossible if she has never suffered from depression herself. Please consider that literature I recommended before. It helps to understand that what you are saying effects as many people as, say, have diabetes or glaucoma! It is not somthing that you are imagining, it is a real illness.

[cornish]

well today hasn't been the best,  got told that i look like the grim reaper as i had a black hoodie on. the got told that having the hood up is like wearing a hat indoors and it rude. ive worn a hoodie to work every day for well since i left work, it was bloody cold in the workshop and i just feel safer when i have my hood up, it restricts my side view so and i dont see things out of the corner of my eye when its just a bit of black fabric there. but anyway back to my point, i lost it with the bloke who said about it, i know i shouldn't have but i was really not in the mood today and i cant see that im doing any harm having a hood up inside the workshop where virtually no one comes in, no customers ever come in and im alone for at least 75% of the day when im building control panels.  ok ive gone off subject again.  the bloke is a bit of a "£$%"£$%^& and just likes to cause problems for me, he started saying it was disrespectful and i should take the hood down and not be allowed to wear one and back in his day he would have given me a kicking,  well i lost it then, well its not your time any more you stupid old £$^&£ its now my time and i dont really give a *£$%*&£ what you think so piss off. that set him off with young people being dis respectful. my response was think that a load of rubbish, i treat people how they treat me and just because your old it doesn't mean you automatically deserve respect, you have to gain it and you've done nothing to do that.  

ok ive just gone into a rant and will stop now.  im very tempted to just delete all of that as it makes me look bad, but i give people the respect they deserve and thats it, respect needs to be earned in my opinion and i have tried my best to get on with the bloke who causes a lot of problems for me at work but i lost all patience with him a while ago.

my boss has no problem with the hoodie and the hood or if im wearing a hat normally come off in the snack room or office and the boss is fine with that.  well tomorrow im going to wear a hat and put the hood up while in the workshop, if he says anything the hood comes off and then i still have the hat.  little bit of silent protest. will probably cause more problems but im too stubborn to just let it go and now i think the delusional of being karma is coming back again.  starting thinking a lot about it again today, oh well he deserves it.

i was feeling crap before all of that too

Some people will never like the fact that these days "hoodies" are very popular clothing, they see them as a symbol of crime and cannot accept that "normal" people wear them.

Next time try to be calm and tell him to take it up with his line manager, and smile - that will have far greater effect than getting wound up which is more than likely what his end game was in the first place.

Unless your employer tells you otherwise you are entitled to wear what you want - our company does not allow hoods simply for reasons of safety as fork lifts are driving around constantly and you need to be aware of your surroundings, but if this isnt an issue at your place of work then it shouldn't be a problem.

its only a small company and the boss just doesn't seem to do anything about the complaints made against him, even ones from customers, he has lost us contracts, i really dont understand why the boss keeps him on

when ever im in an area with moving vehicles or there's any other risk the hood comes right down and i have a cold head

Good to hear you've both made a small improvement :)

Cornish, dig is right, smile and it irritates people immensely, much more than if you get angry with them (but incredibly difficult I know).

Last night I felt really anxious at the thought of going home on Sunday, it says a huge amount to me about the causes of my depression

i just compleatly ignore him, i know if i do anything he just get angry and in turn i do too.    i will make him suffer some how.

[Alstare1974]

Feel lonely. Sorry my posts are so short these days. Guess it links to how I feel.

[Glen53]

Hi all, Im new here.

Today seems a little better for me. Since finding this forum I spent most of last night reading and writing away. Its helped bring me up a little, not a lot, but I will take what I can get  :)

Alstare1974 - sorry to hear you are feeling lonely. I hope today is better for you too

[dlg78]

Not feeling too bad today, I have been off work all last week due to tearing a muscle in my back, so have had a lot of time sitting around the house and have got quite stir crazy so to speak.

Last night my girlfriends parents visited, they drove a gearbox up from Kent to Leicestershire for us as I was too sore to travel 2hours in each direction, for me it was a big deal, as it was the first time they had visited my home. I have been seeing my girlfriend for over 2 years now but due to the distance they had never been up this way, recently Katy moved in with me and I am sure it was natural for them to want to see where she was living.

For me this was terrifying, I felt physically sick before hand and felt very anxious for hours before they arrived. Even though deep down I knew they are not judgemental people.

I guess I feel that where I live isn't very good and the house is very small, I should have done better by 33, but realise all those things are developed in my mind only, as it turns out the evening went extremely well!

We went out for a meal at an italian restaurant just down the road, and I worried it wouldnt be good enough! Turns out it was excellent and everyone really enjoyed the food.

It made me realise how pointless my internal worrying was.

So I am having a very lazy weekend recuperating, the F1 racing is on this weekend too :)

Dave

[cornish]

......... nothing but wanting this all to end. one way or the other

[Holykimura]

Holykimura I'm sorry your approach was not well received, this was very disappointing for you and brought extra worry that your escape route was cordoned off! And by the person you had hoped would direct you towards it. I sense that for you to do something that would relieve the anxiety of your partner, it would increase your own. and you are the one suffering from depression and anxiety. This is a very concerning and dangerous to your health. I'm afraid I would agree with Zaf. We don't know your personal relationship so please put us right if necessary and we will totally stand corrected and relieved, but emotional blackmail should not feature here. Not at all. Your health is a priority and support is not only needed but absolutely essential. You partner anticipates difficulties that she is insinuating she will be attributing directly toward you. Your relatioship will suffer under this accusation of pressure and you will feel guilt that will prevent your recovery. If you continue you will be forced into that situation only worse and for longer. Your relationship will suffer here also. It is very important that she understands what you mean, but alas, that might be impossible if she has never suffered from depression herself. Please consider that literature I recommended before. It helps to understand that what you are saying effects as many people as, say, have diabetes or glaucoma! It is not somthing that you are imagining, it is a real illness.

Thanks for your rely Lol, I honestly believe that she is not doing the emotional black mail on purpose. I know how much she loves me and she has said that only I know what I'm going through. Since I think she has had time to reflect and she said that if quitting work was the ideal situation for me then she wouldn't like it but she said she'd support the decisions I make even though it would put pressure on her. She has been prescribed anti depressants too but her's is no where near to the extremes that I have been.
She's been having a difficult time from colleagues at work and I suppose that's been added pressure on her and eventually makes her feel threatened at me adding to her pressures. She does know me best as she knows that I couldnt just sit around waiting to find a job, as I hate being at home on my own alone. I think that's her reasoning behind why she thinks quitting work without a plan might be detrimental to my recovery. Mean while staying at work is hardly ideal there must be hundreds even thousands of people out there who like me can't stand their jobs or colleagues right? They like me maybe just going through motions to get through each day on autopilot. Financially me giving up work would mean struggling to make ends meet as a minimum, it would probably result in the house getting repossessed or even worse? I couldn't put my children through that, they'd never understand what was going on.

We have said that trying to stay in work if I can bear it would be the best situation, and take time off when it becomes unbearable . At least that way we still have an income coming in from my job. Then we would reconsider our options at this point. I would use this time to look for other work. What do you guys think? Am I doing the right thing? Could you suggest alternatives ? What jobs could I try that had little stress, job satisfaction, and pays reasonably well? Does such a job exists or am I being a little to picky? I do wish I could win a few million on the lottery, that would change things as far as work is concerned, but I'll just carry on dreaming !!

[Lol]

Cornish I'm so sorry. Please hang in there. Remember you are recovering (read your earlier posts and you will see) but it is a very slow process. I believe that you can recover and that you deserve to recover. You really need the recovery to occur more quickly as how you feel is hard to bare. But even when you can not see it, we can see that you can do it. It doesn't feel like it to you. But you are strong and stubborn and you can do this. Please keep going how ever you can. You are important to me and to many people in here. I feel I have made a friend in you and that means a lot to me. you will recover, you are healing, and you will be happy again. This is such a struggle for you to fight but you are doing it. It wont always feel like this.

Take Care Lol.

[Holykimura]

......... nothing but wanting this all to end. one way or the other

Cornish I'm sorry your feeling that way. Like lol says you are loved by people on here, youve made friends on here. Try to remember the better days that you ve had. We all feel really unwell at times but remembering that this too will soon pass helps me to get through the bad times. I really don't know your story so I hope you don't find me insulting in any way. I find that trying to identify ten positives in my life every day. By this I mean that I will look at the facts, Im a son, father, partner, I am able to do this ( even if it's the smallest thing). I have a roof over my head, I have a bed, I have money for food, I can make choices on how I spend my day, I am not behind bars, in the middle of a war, I have friends, I am not alone, someone cares for me. I hope I make sense and not come across as a mr kno it all, I hope you have better days ahead of you and I'm sure you will. Take care friend I'm thinking of you.

[Glen53]

......... nothing but wanting this all to end. one way or the other

Hang in there.

 I felt very much like this on Thursday night, but the last few days have got better for me, maybe they will for you too. I really hope they do and you feel better. It looks like you have good friends here who care and I hope that their kind words can ease your pain, if only a little.

Please take care.

G.

[Zaf]

Cornish and alstare, thinking of you and hoping so much things improve soon xxx

[Zaf]

We have said that trying to stay in work if I can bear it would be the best situation, and take time off when it becomes unbearable . At least that way we still have an income coming in from my job. Then we would reconsider our options at this point. I would use this time to look for other work. What do you guys think? Am I doing the right thing? Could you suggest alternatives ? What jobs could I try that had little stress, job satisfaction, and pays reasonably well? Does such a job exists or am I being a little to picky? I do wish I could win a few million on the lottery, that would change things as far as work is concerned, but I'll just carry on dreaming !!


Holykimura,

its really difficult to say if you are doing the right thing or not as only you can feel whether the job is making you worse or not,  in the past I have stayed in jobs I hate despite knowing they made me feel ill because of our financial situation so I probably know the conflict you are facing

Its usually considered easier to find another job while still working so on that point I would agree with you, to work out what sort of job might suit you better I think perhaps working out what you find so stressful about your current job might help at least avoid getting another position that  you may find every bit as bad

[Holykimura]

Zaf

Thanks for the advice, what I find stressful is naughty kids, not all, just the ones who show absolutely no respect, this year is particularly demanding as I have a class full of under achievers who I'm given the pleasant task of getting a 100% pass rate at grade c or above GCSE level. About 70% of the class are predicted grade D or lower by something called an FFT grade (government agency that takes into cosideration previous achievements). On top of that there is bad history with the head of the school and the head of my dept. This week I have sent four emails to my line manager voicing my concerns, and have had no reply. She has had opportunities to speak to me this week but has either ignored me or smiled and said you ok! Now I'm using positive thinking and challenging those negatives and I'm going to put it down to the fact that she's really busy as she's a deputy. However that does not resolve my problem with these underachievers. I'm keeping logs of all actions as my partner has said that when I leave we might have a case of constructive dismissal.

[cornish]

thanks and i see a few of you as friends now.

i know im not at my worst but im know im going down hill and i think im going to end up back down there again,  wednesday is possibly the last day with my psychologist unless more sessions are approved. dreading but also looking forward to that day, i dont want to go there, yet i know i need to. i hope its my last session as then im free i can get on with what i want to do, but part of me knows the sessions are helping.

got a lot to think about, im either going to be posting a lot or not at all. but either way after my session on wednesday the first thing i do when i get out is come on here.

[Alstare1974]

Cornish, I hope you stick around. I'd miss you if you weren't posting and I consider you a friend.

Just had my friends round for a meal at my parents. Had a lovely evening and watched Blues Brothers. Now feeling quite sad and down. Almost feel tearful.