Will my life ever change?

[Amanda_George]

What sort of job would you ideally like?  What are your current qualifications?  How about doing a free course with Open Learn to see what sort of thing interests you?  Assuming I get re-awarded ESA in November I'm going to start studying with the OU and start with an Access course that you can, apparently, study for free... want to join me on that course?  Bounce ideas off each other and talk through things together?

This doesn't have to be the end, even though it feels like it right now, things *can* get better and I'll be with you every step of the way if you want me to be?

[lostmyway]

Ideals don't really work in today's society. I have already done 4 years study with the Open University, not sure I really want to do any more.   I have done O levels/NVQ Levels 1 - 3 in IT, 2 in Warehousing.  IT certifications CompTIA A+, Network +.  Also a DipHE with the Open University.  You just have to be lucky, and I don't think I ever was judging by my CV.

[Amanda_George]

How would you feel about a professional going over your CV to make it sparkle?  Do you have transport or are you looking to work from home?  How about temping agencies and stuff?  That's how I got 2 of the 3 jobs after moving to Gloucester... the third was pure chance - I was in the right place at the right time, dropped my CV off and had a weekend job in a shopper's creche less than a week later!

It sounds like you've got the qualifications you need for an IT job but unfortunately I know pretty much nothing about the industry, which is why I'm suggesting temping agencies... have you looked online for jobs in your area or considered remote working or anything like that?  I found Steve's job online purely by chance as well.

Don't give up too soon, Lost... the right job and your independence is out there for you somewhere, just waiting for you to find them!

As for friends and a relationship - use the internet to find them... that's where my friends all are and I met my husband on a newsgroup 22 years ago.

I know that right now it feels like there is only one way out 'cos I've been there myself but I promise you that things can and do get better if you just keep holding on during the rough times!

 

[lostmyway]

I'm finding now that when i am on Indeed or similar , I freeze and worry about the application process and don't even bother, not that there is a lot out there anyway.  It's like a genuine fear that  I honestly cannot explain.  Self-confidence has disappeared.  So round and around we go...   It's just gone on for far too long and I genuinely don't know what to do next.

[Amanda_George]

It sounds, to my ears, like you're putting waaaay too much pressure on yourself.  I'm so totally NOT a counsellor, just trying to think of things that may help to ease your anxiety which may or may not help, but maybe get a piece of paper (rather than a Word or Notepad document) and a pen. 

Write down a list of your good personality points.

Now, on a new piece of paper, write a letter to me telling me about why you're perfect for the jobs you want to apply for... what are your qualifications?  What are your interests?  Why would you be a perfect fit for the company?  Things like that.  It's a letter to a friend, nothing more, nothing less.  Let those positive feelings spill into that letter!  Negativity isn't allowed... tell me how perfect you are for the roles you are applying for. 

Look back at that first list and tell me more about what happened to make you achieve each one.  Look at your CV and tell me more about each qualification and job on your CV.  What did you enjoy most?  What did you learn from each course and job?  Let it all out... I want to know everything!

What about your referees?  Tell me all about them... how did you meet and get to know them?  What will their reference tell me about you?

Negativity is NOT allowed.  You are the right person for the job but you need to convince me of that.  Convince me that you are capable of the jobs you are finding for yourself.

Now go to the job centre or temping agency or whatever and tell the person who interviews exactly what you've told me.  If you feel your anxiety or negativity rearing its ugly head, imagine the person you're speaking to sat on the toilet, totally naked and they can't do anything to stop you watching them!

Go get 'em Lost... you can do this!

Smile through every pore in your body.  You can do this, lost, I believe you can and I know that anything is possible for you.

[lostmyway]

Well when somebody has been without a job to keep himself sane, this is what happens.  I really don't think it is out of the ordinary that people react this way after such an ordeal.  Is it easy to just get over it and go back to work? if it was, I would be there already, wouldn't I?  A few months I probably could of dealt with... 5 years? different story altogether.  I do not think it's unique to just me, it would depress anybody in the same situation.

If I could radically change my mindset overnight, I would have done by now.  I feel like I am just not on track ; I actually went thru something very similar in my 20's, and remember how that was, and thought I would never have to go through this all again.  How wrong could I be ? 

Temping agencies are a pain in the backside, I don't recommend that particular way of doing things ( I am talking through experience, not just some snap judgement I made in 5 minutes flat).
I am now 47, and I realise that age isn't exactly on my side anymore ; I cannot change that, all that I can do is to try and make the most of the time that is left.  Being positive about my achievements and aspects of my personality are fine, but I'm not sure it will get me gainful employment or not.  My biggest positive even this year was the fact that I attained a DipHE in Computing and IT from the Open University;  the grades weren't off the scale but at least I managed to complete it.  Also commercial experience is a bit of a stumbling block when trying to do something new and going into a new sector of work.  A job centre? I actually haven't set foot in a JC + since 2014 as I became very disillusioned with their stinky and clueless attitude (yes really).

One of the probs is me not having people to keep pushing me to improve myself ; I DO feel a bit like I have given up in a lot of ways, but I need to get back the motivation and only I can do that.

[Amanda_George]

I understand more than you realise, Lost, 'cos I haven't had a job since the Summer of 1999.  That's why I'm trying to encourage you to study something totally new.  I'm qualified to work with children and also as an admin assistant and I had 2 jobs using both of those qualifications before I became too ill (physically) to work.  I've since found an interest in philosophy, creative writing for children and even child psychology.  Totally different in the areas that I was originally qualified to work in and if I'm ever well enough to return to work and the dreaded question about what I've done in the 20 years since my last job, I'll be able to tell them.

Take your DipHE to the next level and aim for a degree so that you can answer the question about what you've done with the last 5 years with a photo of you going up to collect that degree.  Achieving that DipHE is an awesome step forward and should be the shining light on your CV... when you get those interviews, talk passionately about what you learnt and how you felt when you achieved that diploma.  Maybe create a webpage showing off what you learnt with the OU so that your interviewers have got proof of how passionate you are about the things you learnt.

You're not in this alone, Lost, you just need to learn to fake the confidence you will feel in your new job until you genuinely feel that confidence for real.