Will my life ever change?

[lostmyway]

I have suffered with this illness for years. Will it ever go away and stop tormenting me? I feel tired having to manage it all the time. The things that caused it in the 1st place have never truly gone away and I don't know what to do about it anymore. When I told my GP, he said I was pessimistic. Pessismistic??  Talk about flippant.  Needless to say I will be seeking another medical opinion to genuinely help me.  Who else can I ask? What else can I do?  Nothing.

A member of my family goes " Aren't you worried that you haven't saved enough for retirement?" I am currently economically inactive.   Telling me i'm lazy bc I don't have a job.  Talk about lack of empathy and understanding.  I removed apps off my phone because they were making me a bit obsessive/crazy/addicted/reacting to other's posts (sometimes in a very negative fashion).  I need relief and be on the way to recovery.. I'm sick of feeling like this, it isn't normal.  I will try to get a doc's appointment next week.   I know I sound like a broken record but I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

[Amanda_George]

You need to do what is right for you, Lost!

Can you maybe see a different doc at the same surgery?  They aren't all bad doctors, it's just that sometimes things don't go well between you and it's time to see a different GP?  Have you got a psychologist or counsellor or therapist or anything like that?  If not, it might be worth asking for a referral?

  if you want it?

[lostmyway]

I started an assignment with an employment agency 3 weeks ago and they are messing me about, giving me days off that I don't want/didn't ask for and I feel that my head is going round and round all of the time.   I think they should waste somebody else's time bc I am getting sick of it now.  I had to turn down the possibility of another job somewhere else because of this, and now I feel that I have done completely the wrong thing.

This is my life I guess.....

[Amanda_George]

Is the employment agency a temping agency or a permy agency?  If they are a temping agency then maybe they are pushing the boundaries to see just how far they can go before you snap?  I'd say go to your local CAB to see where you stand with the agency!  Are there any other agencies close to you that you can register with instead?  They should be treating you like a human being, not a robot!!   

[lostmyway]

You would think. The job advert said it was Mon-Thurs 7-3.30pm . Well it hasnt been that.  Ive had 3 days off this week, 2 last week, a monday.. It's just a joke.

[Pip]

With regards to depression we are all different so you could become much better, it stays the same. gets worse or have good periods and bad ones.  It can be a case of getting meds right or getting appropriate support, having good coping methods, exercise, healthy diet, having hobbies etc.

It does sound like you're being messed around with the job. having a good routine with work helps so I hope it gets sorted.

[Amanda_George]

I'm with Pip, but she said it better than I ever could!    if you want it?

[lostmyway]

Basically it is about control (or lack of it), being empowered enough to change your life's circumstances. The 'job' stopped over 2 weeks ago, so I am back at square one yet again.  Just having total apathy right now, mixed with sadness/despair/irritability/anger/lethargy and probably a few adjectives that I could add to that list.  If you felt your life had been on pause since you were about 19, I am sure the vast majority of the population would feel exactly the same way as I do.  If it got worse I would be under sedation , and who wants that in their life? Probably the loneliness and isolation is one of the worst things in my life currently (not new though, to be honest).  I feel powerless and unable to do things, which is why I procrastinate where jobs and important things are concerned.

[Amanda_George]

  How about a complete career change?  You don't necessarily have to pay to start a new career, 'cos there are free courses you can do online (for example with OpenLearn) and having something on your CV that you can answer the dreaded "what have you been doing since you left your previous job" question at interviews... something that shows potential employers that you've used your time wisely?

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could take further or anything like that?

I know only too well what it's like to live your life in pause and it's especially hard when you're ill but try and use your time between jobs to be able to put something on your CV.  It doesn't have to be related to your job, just make sure you're interested in the subject.  Maybe ask for advice at the job centre about benefits you might be entitled to as well?  Job seekers/ESA and PIP at the very least?

You can do this, Lost... just keep on keeping on as best you can and you'll get there!

[lostmyway]

Complete career change? All I really know is warehousing and IT stuff that I learnt online.  IT was a hobby that I took further.. not quite sure what else there is at the moment.  I bothered to save money so I wasn't really entitled to claiming JSA or any of those things. I guess they think you can live on fresh air these days. Open Learn isn't actually that bad an idea, it depends on the overall cost of it etc.  I am just weary of life's endless challenges and yes...it's affected my health.  The situation has made me ill, that's a fact.

[Pip]

OpenLearn is a very good start and I've joined up with me already choosing / starting my first course.

You have good qualities believe it not, you're willing to work,you do work, you work as part of a team, willing to learn ..... now think of other qualities to fill in the ....

[lostmyway]

I am actually with the OU still technically, but yeah I could do something like that, even if it was just a hobby.  It's hard to feel positive when things don't feel that way, not something I chose to ever be, it just happened.  Society is so demanding on its citizens that it's hardly surprising some have problems.  My GP said I was pessimistic.. people are not like that by birth, genetics are partly to blame.  If he lived in my shoes for 2 weeks, he might have the vaguest idea how I feel, but that's people for you these days isn't it?  no empathy or consideration. The old saying life is passing you by I think applies. Yes, that makes me rather sad thinking in those terms and it definitely isn't healthy for body and mind, but it is what it is.

I just feel I have missed the boat and don't really want to be studying forever and a day if I can help it. Sure, it's gives you something to focus on and can be a great thing BUT you have to have the ability.

[Amanda_George]

All the OpenLearn courses are free and you can do as many as you want, as often as you want and there's no time limit for how long it takes you!  For example, I started a course in 2015 then forgot to go back and it was still there waiting for me in 2018!  As of last night, I've done 26 OpenLearn courses in 13 days and not paid a penny for a single one!

The only disadvantage is that you don't get any kind of qualification from any of the courses, but you get a statement of participation that you can include with your CV ready for the dreaded "so what have you been doing with your time since you last worked" question but it gives you a taster of distance learning at university level!  You are totally free to pick and choose which courses you study... for example, I've studied childcare, 2 psychology courses and several creative writing courses, just because they were free and sounded interesting!

Go and take a peek and give one a try maybe?

Edit - click on the globe and it'll take you to my navigation page where you can see all the courses I've done and want to do!

[lostmyway]

I have already studied at University level, at the Open University.  Has it got me a job? answer: No.

[Amanda_George]

How about a complete career change though?  I've got 3 career choices (childcare, secretarial and children's author) but there are other things that I'm studying on OpenLearn that aren't new careers, they are just things I'm interested in... something to put on my CV to explain the gap in employment?  Something to show that I've used the time well kinda thing?