My incredibly messed up story - very long, doubt anyone will read

[nocaph]

.

[nocaph]

.

[bookletters]

Thinking of you nocaph, it's a good thing that you come here to share and so we can help you.
I am sending you a big hug and hope you get better  *() xxx

[Zaf]

 %^% thinking of you xxx

[cat69]

Wishing you peace and sending hugs  *() %^%

[Michael Frankum]

When you needed help, support and understanding, you were repeatedly slapped round the face! You persevered, but it must have taken so much out of you. I have no great solutions or ideas, but I send you my best wishes, and I hope that  things improve for you.

[Pip]

 %^%

[Catbrian]

You certainly have been through a very difficult time.  I think you should feel really proud that, despite the difficulties you were experiencing, you did actually manage to complete a 4 yr degree course.

I have no idea what Atrophy, fluent aphasia, or somatisation disorder are.  Whether you're symptoms are down to one of these illnesses or another or maybe even your MH, it doesn't matter, there is absolutely no need for those Doctors and Nurses to be so rude and, at times, even nasty.  To be escorted off the premises by a guard while in the throws of a panic attack, just doesn't seem appropriate.  However, from experience, attempting to raise a complaint through the NHS can be cumbersome.  It sounds like you're going through enough without taking on anymore aggravation, but only you will know what's best.

Sometimes our nearest and dearest can be a bit on the curt side, but underneath the day to day stresses, your Dad will be very concerned and probably also feeling upset to know that you aren't having a very happy life.  I'm sure everyone who visits this Forum will relate to your day to day and hourly fight for survival.

[Sweetpea]

(((( hugs )))) for you. S x x x x

Sent from my BlackBerry 9300 using Tapatalk

[captainkeefy]

Hi,

I've read all of your post, every bit of it. Then I viewed your profile and read your 12 posts to other people. I hope you don't find that creepy, I just found that your (incredibly messed up) story something that really made me feel for you. I read you got diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder, I bet you hate it when the depression kicks in. I tend to get a build up of anxiety for days and or weeks and then my depression kicks in, I call it the walls of Jericho because when they come crashing down I can not do anything. I don't feel like getting up in the morning and have no motivation to do anything, I can sit and stare at the wall for hours unwashed, unshaven and another thing I eat at most one meal a day when I'm like this and that's just about eaten.

Today I'm feeling pretty good about myself. My confidence and self esteem are back up and I'm in a pretty good mood. I just got my email to say I can come on the message boards so I thought I would write to let you know I've read your posts and I hope your okay. I read a bit that says 'real' people or something along them lines. I hope that you realize that you are as special as anybody else, Someone recently said to me to look at it this way 'We are all talking monkeys floating round the universe on an organic spaceship.' Which tickled me. The point I'm making is sometimes I take things to seriously and it gets me down. But I wanted to let you know that you deserve as much respect as everyone else around you. You are a normal person its just that you have an illness with your bipolar depression.

I noticed you are very well informed on medicines and illnesses, I didn't understand a lot of the medical terminology you where using. You also strike me as highly articulate and intelligent. I am also envious that you have a degree and I don't. Wish I had one!

[bookletters]

Captain Freeky what a nice post! You sound like a really kind person.
It's never too late to start a degree. You could do modules here and there with the Open University. Doesn't cost too much and you can do it at your own pace xx

[nocaph]

.

[captainkeefy]

Hi nocaph,

Thanks for replying, it means a lot to read you taking the time to respond to me directly. Don't worry about your scan tomorrow as I know you will be fine, you know why I know that? Because look at all the things you have been through and your body has dealt with them. I bet you are stronger than most people I know but just realize it yet.

You mentioned nihilism as a defense mechanism. I hope you don't feel like you need to use defense mechanisms too often. If only you could realize that you are a great person and hopefully soon everything will be better for you and you can start enjoying life once again. Its funny how people push us away when we need them most isn't it. When I read through your posts I kind of thought that you where getting two responses from your support network 1) denial. This is because people can't believe such bad things have happened to someone so close to them and it seems strange to them and scary because they don't know how to help you. 2) rejection. I get the feeling people are acting this way because it's unusual to the and people naturally shy aware from an issue that they are scared of.   

You mentioned somethings that I would like you to explain to if that's okay? You said you have hallucinations, what are they about? did you see something? another thing I read but don't understand is somatisation, what is that? Is that an illness?

Hope to hear from you soon, remember you are not alone. There is always someone, somewhere that wants a chat. 

[nocaph]

.

[captainkeefy]

Remember this, you don't have to thank me for a few words. You deserve them! I'd like you to remember though that I feel that you DESERVE TO GET BETTER!

I've been doing a bit of reading about bipolar disorder as it's something I've been toying with about me having. I have times when I'm down and times when I'm up and I'm wondering about mania, if I get it. One thing I've noticed is that it says about mania and or psychosis and hallucinations and I bet you a penny to a pound that's where yours are coming from. Don't be frighten of them, it's not you. It's just your illness and you are going to get better.

That thing about somatisation. I think back and I had a problem with my bits, a pain and I went the doctors convinced I had testicular cancer. He checked them and said they were fine. I then got chest pains and went to my GP with them convinced I had lung cancer and again was checked and told I was fine. Then a pain in my head which I thought was a tumor, again fine. I've had a few more and every time I'm fine. I wonder if it is something to do with this Somatisation? I've just read about it on the net and it says that I would be convinced that the pains where real, when they are not. My brain would make them real. So how would I know? How would I know? It bends my head thinking that it could be my brain playing tricks on me and I was convinced it was real.

How will you feel tomorrow if you test results come back clear, will that worry you?