My incredibly messed up story - very long, doubt anyone will read

[nocaph]

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[Buttercup]

Hi

Sorry I haven't replied before, I've just read through your posts.

I think you're right, it's time to change GP, how they can put clear physical symptoms down to mental health I don't know.

I also suffer mania/hypomania as a result of bipolar and also describe it as taking excessive amounts of amphetamines, although I normally get the dysphoric sort.

Xxxx

[captainkeefy]

Sorry my friend, I wrote that question wrong. I meant to ask, why do they think you need to speak to your psychiatrist?

[nocaph]

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[captainkeefy]

I had a feeling that you would feel down after your scan. I hope your mood lifts soon.

I've spent the last few days since I read your posts hoping you are okay, as for you saying that you feel like disappearing. I've spent the last few days reading your posts, responding to them and I hoped we had started to get to know each other. I would be gutted to think that you were thinking about doing something to hurt yourself as talking to you has really lifted my mood and I was hoping I'd helped you do the same.

[nocaph]

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[captainkeefy]

I've been feeling really good since I found this forum. Today I really went out my way to make sure I was looking people in the eye, I was putting myself outside of my comfort zone and making sure I was talking to people and looking them in the eye. I felt a little anxious but people where talking back and I even got a few laughs from people which really gave me a confidence boost.

I've read a few bits about depression, PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder. I think someone I live with has symptoms of these illnesses, I think I may even have some of the traits as BPD. I find myself treading on eggshells a lot and have to put my feelings aside for this person. I'm just wondering if living with someone with these illnesses could take my confidence and make me feel down?

[nocaph]

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[bookletters]

It all depends what the relationship is like captain and if they are addressing these issues, what their relationship with you is like etc etc.
Nocaph: we all feel like disappearing when we are bad. I've been in a plane before and caught myself thinking "wouldn't it be nice if it crashed?"
I don't feel like that now, haven't for a long time actually. It does get better xx

[captainkeefy]

I found they went to the doctors, got prescribed antidepressants then had them changed. They got sent to a councilor but they stopped going, which I got the impression that they looked for an excuse not to go back, which I completely understand.

I don't think the relationship is too good to be honest. When they talk and I stand looking at them I get asked "Why the dirty look?" but I had no expression on my face. I find I can never spend enough time with them, they always want more and then I get told I don't spend any time with them. They can't stand being at home, they get bored really, really easy. I find myself having to creep round them only to be pushed away and I find I have all my personality flaws pointed out. I sometimes think my sanity is slowly draining away.

[bookletters]

Well that doesn't sound good.... why not get your own place? xx

[captainkeefy]

Hey,

I have been thinking about at least taking a break as it's not been nice lately. I don't want to come across as the 'victim' or being blameless and I know that I probably am a pain to live with at times or all the time but I also know that it's not just me, Sometimes I don't think the other person sees it that way?

Anyway I feel l like I'm hijacking Nochaps post so I think I'll start a thread for myself and give Nocaph his thread back!

[bookletters]

Aww that's no probs captain keefy, I am suren nocaph won't mind :)

[captainkeefy]

Hey Nocaph, how are you today?

[nocaph]

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