I hate myself.

[Sallas]

I know, heres half my problem. Im going to
be really honest. Im the party girl, the one people say lets go do this or that to, it always involes drink, i only see friends when out drinking. Depression i can handle (well.....) but drinking and depression is killing me. Im afraid if i stop drinking i loose the friends i have and then the depression will get worse. I dont know, so many things going on in my head right now.

I did just have some 7up tho, i hope to god it stays down

[Sweetpea]

Hope the 7up stays down.

You really need help with the drinking and help with your depression.  Alcohol is a depressant.  If your friends are true friends they will still be there if you stop drinking.  You really can't go on like this.

S x x

[Zaf]

Thats a dilemma but are they friends if they only want to know you when alcohol is involved.  Could you tell them you cant drink while you're ill?

[Buttercup]

Here's hoping. You do need to get some medical help though and like the others say, it needs to be done urgently.

[Sallas]

I know, its bad. Something will definatly done this week. Im thinking or going to an Aware meeting tomorrow. Thank u for all ir comments i really appreciate them. & u have really made a diffference over the last few hours. Im forever greatful. & here comethe tears. I wish my brain could just stop for a few minutes. A few minutes silence woulc be so good!

[Zaf]

Have you ever thought about learning meditation or getting some relaxation cd's?

Z x

[Sallas]

No im kinda afraid to allow myself so much time to think. Its a good idea though. I think if i can just make it through the night i can put a plan better together tomorrow. Im so sad though, broken & kinda scared. Cant believe the girls stoped txting.

[CharleysAngel']

I feel like my friends don't really understand me either. A mixture of they don't really care and they just generally don't get it. Sometimes I can go a whole week and no one will text me or try to get into contact with me. It does it get better though, if you find yourself getting worse though do call the out of hours service or go to A and E. Hugs to you xxx

[Sallas]

Yeah i find im always the one keeping in touch. We have had friends committ suicide and they always say if only they knew, here i am telling them how bad its gotten and they cant/wont even have a txt conversation. It hurts. I feel incredible alone tonight.

[Sweetpea]

Crying is good it get things out.  Hope you can get some help you need.

S x x

[Sallas]

  cant believe i potentially have work tomorrow, i can think of nothing worse, i cud sleep for days. My body is so broken it hurts everywhere. Maybe ill slip away in my sleep, that wud save my family from an extra heartache of suicide. I wonder if i just stayed in my apartment how long ot wud take people to realise i was missing. Yeah my brain is in overdrive!

[Sweetpea]

Can you not take a sick day and go and get help from your dr?

S x x x x

[mrmoody]

are you ok? whats gone off? keep posting. I felt suicidal last night too. I kept talking to my friend and it really helped take my mind off things. I hope one of your friends go back to you. I know what its like to feel that rock bottom

[Sallas]

Nah i had tonsilitous last week so was off a couple of days so i really cant take anymore off. I know it sounds crazy her i am rock bottom and im talking about work but i suppose i need to keep up the illusion im fine, i need the money for rent. Im exhausted, i just looked in the mirror and im covered in bruises from last nights antics. My body hurts so bad, think im actually getting the tonsilitous back from being sick so much today. god i want to curl up and wish the world away. Its going to be another long night.

[Sallas]

Hi moody, glad u got through last night. No one is texting, well my ma just txt me to say she loves me which is nice ( she doesnt know, it wud break her heart. Im going from im feeling ok to, i cant do this anymore ever few minutes. Im so all over the place. Id love to escape it all just for awhile.