Long term depression

[SteveW]

Hi there I'm new to the forum.

I am 61 and was first diagnosed with depression when I was 21 and have lived through 12 or 13 episodes. Mercifully I had
periods of years in between when I was OK so I've had some kind of life. I always followed the Forums advice of getting on
medication as soon as possible and in my early episodes they worked fine. I'd be back to normal inside a few months.

Unfortunately as the years went on the episodes got deeper and the drugs worked less well. I'd find myself having to take 3
or 4 different anti-depressants before something would work. Eventually somewhere around episode 10 in 1998 the drugs
stopped working pretty much altogether and I stayed more or less depressed.

Luckily for me I had good support in the shape of my partner of 30 years who understood depression from back to front and
my father who was pretty good too. I still took anti-depressants but the best I could say was that they stopped me getting
any worse. Unfortunately for me I lost my partner to a heart attack in 2008 and my father 12 weeks ago.

I descended into the mother of all depressions and am struggling to keep my head above water. I'm trying to do this without
any support and living on my own in complete isolation in the middle of rural Lincolnshire. I've obviously resorted to
drugs again Mirtazepine 45 mg and Venlafaxine 225 mg, but without effect so far.


All I would say is that depression is certainly a chemical imbalence and drugs the answer, but the drugs don't always work no
 matter how many you try.

Love

Steve Wellam

[Zaf]

I too have suffered depression long term but fortunately each time one drug has started to become ineffective another one has worked for me.

You have suffered two traumatic life events in a relatively short time so its not surprising your depression has returned

Have you thought of counselling in conjunction with the drugs stevewellam? 

Zaf xx

[SteveW]

I liked counseling so much that I became a psychotherapist and had 4 years therapy as part of my training ! I've had different forms of therapy along the way although not in this episode.

[Zaf]

I think if I was younger and had less commitments I'd train for counselling, it certainly helped me a lot and it would be lovely to e able to do the same for others

[Bexwa]

Welcome Steve. I have only been on here a few days and already I can see how wonderful and how this place has helped other people. I'm so sorry to hear about your father and your partner. Life certainly throws us curve balls sometimes. Hope to get to speak to you soon xx

[Lol]

Welcome Steve Wellam. I am so sorry to learn of the loss of your partner and the loss of your father more recently and extend my sincere condolences. You are going through an extremely difficult time and it is very difficult for you to cope with your depression on top of your grief. You have lost your main frames of support and understanding and you feel overwhelmed and struggling to cope with it all. It is very difficult to cope with this in isolation and I am glad to hear that you have sought the help of your GP and are once again on medication. How long has it been since you recommenced your meds?

[SteveW]

Thanks for your condolences. You are right about depression and grief being hard to cope with together. For example I often hear my father calling out for help in the night which my doctor tells me is normal in grief but feels anything but normal to me. I went on anti-depressants for life years ago but I increased my dose substantially nearly 3 months ago. You'd have thought I would have seen an effect by now.

[Zaf]

I'd have thought you should have felt some improvement by now, possibly time to back to your GP?

[SteveW]

To Bexwa

Thanks for your welcome. I hope you do well on Quetiapine. May you stay awake and your weight remain constant

Love

Steve

[Lol]

Thanks for your condolences. You are right about depression and grief being hard to cope with together. For example I often hear my father calling out for help in the night which my doctor tells me is normal in grief but feels anything but normal to me. I went on anti-depressants for life years ago but I increased my dose substantially nearly 3 months ago. You'd have thought I would have seen an effect by now.

I'm sorry this is harrowing and torturous for you. I think as Zaf says it would be a good idea to go back to your GP and explain that you are not seeing any effect. I'm sure he would have expected some by now too. You seem to know what to do and even be able to rationalise your experiences which is admirabe but it does not negate how awful it is to live through. I'm sorry you are having to cope with these side effects/symptoms of your illness/grief, it must be truly disturbing for you. Please keep talking here if it helps.

[SteveW]

To Lol

I keep going back to my doctor every two weeks and she keeps increasing my Venlafaxine. But I have this awful feeling that it isn't going to do any good. I was diagnosed with drug resistant depression in 2002. I so envy those on this forum who take one anti-depressant and feel better within 3 weeks. Finding the resources within myself to cope is incredibly difficult and I am not sure I'm going to make it. I feel like I have battled depression for 40 years and am not sure I have the strength to do it again. Even if I do recover I have to completely rebuild my life and I'm not sure I have the strength to do that either.Things seem very bleak indeed at the moment.

[Lol]

I understand that you are saying that you don't feel you have enough resources to fight this any more. You feel alone, desperate and exhausted. I am not surprised. You have been through and are going through, a truly awful time. You have been fighting for so long and it is just too much to carry on at the moment. Do you have friends and other family around you that you can talk to? Are there any support groups in your area?

[SteveW]

I have no close family and over the years depression has caused me to lose touch with the few friends I had. I have checked for support groups in rural Lincolnshire. There aren't any.

[danbob]

I have no close family and over the years depression has caused me to lose touch with the few friends I had. I have checked for support groups in rural Lincolnshire. There aren't any.

well were here 24/7 practically :) welcome aboard :)

[SteveW]

Thanks for your comment