I'm not sure how much more pain I can deal with.
i feel like that virtually every day, if you do have P.T.S.D. then this part of it. im not going to lie to you it doesn't get any easier but you will learn to cope with it and after the first session on wednesday with a really good P.T.S.D. specialist i know that getting help is possible, just a nice relaxing session of talking mostly crap to her and getting advice from her really helped.
when i talked about suicide she was really good about it. basically saying right you have the suicide card and you can keep hold of it and play it if you ever really think you feel like you need to but try not to play it yet, just give me a chance and keep hold of that card till we have had a few sessions, then think about what to do then.
so its ok to think about it and want to do it but try and hold off for a little while and give some one the chance to help you, it may not be the first person you see but please try.
we care about you and what happens to you and want to help.
also try joining a P.T.S.D. forum for a bit of advice and help. i very rarely use them as i stay with here as i feel its more warm and welcomeing.
I just hate everything that's going on.
I don't have everything I need to do it so don't worry too much.
we will still worry as its a very hard decision for you to make, firstly its not a cowards way out, its extremly hard to do and requires a lot of strength, but its also far easier to do than you think but most importantly its a final decision, theres no going back. i have had a few failed attempts and its horrific, as soon as you start, you get a tiny bit of relief but that lasts seconds, then panic and fear set in, the things that are important to you in your life that you cant think of now will come to you in what could be your final moments and you will wish you hadnt made the wrong decision.
im not trying to suger coat anything and give you the parts that will put you off. my second attempt was compleatly diffrent, its sick but i enjoyed it and was happy about everything ending. then i failed again, i felt worse than ever after that, like a HUGE failure, i failed at life and failed at ending it.
some people might read that and think it might be the wrong thing to say as it did show a slightly pro for suicide but i believe its something you need to know and hopefully it will make you think a lot more.
been pretty upsetting posting this, its not a thing i really like talking about but if it helps some one else then its definitely worth it
my thoughts are with you and im only a pm away, i dont know how much help i can be as im in a pretty bad way to. the advice ive given or am likely to give may not be the best but i have good intentions and really do hope i can help.
