First Post!

[Lol]

I'm sorry that didn't work out for your Alstare. could you take anything away from the session? It is very likely given what you have been through, that even if you don't have diagnosed ptsd, those events did affect you traumatically and they are obviously on your mind. Are there things they can suggest that might help you anyway? It seems awfully odd that the notion of ptsd has been dismissed given your circumstances, but I know it is very complex and not something I could possibly understand fully.

How are you feeling today. Are there any support groups in your area or any social groups at all that you could join to feel a little less isolated? Maybe your local doctors or hospital can put you in touch with people in a simelar situation?

[Alstare1974]

Feel really pathetic for being tearful so much and for feeling so scared. Also feel guilty for breakdown of my marriage. Basically feel like crap.

[Zaf]

Being tearful and scared is normal when we are depressed Alstare, its nothing to be ashamed of, would you feel ashamed if you couldnt walk because you had a broken leg?

What makes you think it was your fault for the breakdown of your marriage that you need to feel guilty about?

[Alstare1974]

Feel pathetic because I sometimes have to wake my mum up in the night to talk and cry, I'm a grown man for christs sake.

My loss of libido was a big part of the break up and I feel utterly guilty because of it.

[Lol]

I understand. You feel you should not be tearful and scared and that you were to blame for the breakdown of your marriage. I think that being tearful in times of grief is a very normal reaction. You are grieving. You are feeling grief for the tragedy you have witnessed in war, grief for the loss of your friends in an accident, and grief for the loss of your wife and family life. Tearfulness is a very normal and very necessary functional process of grief and frankly mate, if you weren't doing it, I would be asking why. It is no wonder, that in this amount of grief, you question the world and are scared about it. You have been a very strong person and are used to being a strong person. At the moment your body is in a crisis and has temporarily disabled you from being strong because it knows that if you carry on that way you will explode. Your body has emergency stopped you so that you can recover from what has happened so far. Your mind doesn't agree, but its tough toenails. Remember that what you are going through is a process. It will stop. Change will occur, healing is happening, and you will start to feel the affect of that one day.

[Zaf]

Its not a sign of weakness Alstare, its the illness making you feel the way you do, it really isnt possible for us to "pull ourselves together", i'm fortunate that the medication I'm on works well once it kicks in but I still feel tearful or desperately tired, or have a panic attack for no apparent reason.

It must be hard for partners to understand that the loss of feelings and libido are a direct cause of the illness but they are and again, its not your fault you are ill, I understand how easy it is to feel guilty about the way our illness affects us and others but it is an illness, not a deliberate act to treat them as we do

[Lol]

Instead of feeling pathetic, try to see it as unlike you. You are living in an emergency state, you will find that things become emergent at any time of the day and night. You are a grown man. It is necessary for you to seek attention to your emergency situation whenever it occurs so that you can tackle it and try to get on top of it. Emergency doesn't care what time it is. Your mum will understand. If you were living in a house with strangers you would probably be waking up one of them and doing the same. You wont always feel you need to wake some one up. With time, you will be able to journalise your thoughts and wait until morning. But in an emergency this is not possible, you would be less in control if you did not deal with your urgent needs when they occur. If you don't want to call your mum, you could call the samaritains on 08457 909090. How much are you sleeping during the day?

[Alstare1974]

Trying to cut down the sleeping in the day bit I don't sleep well at night. (I'm living with my parents at the minute).

[Lol]

Are you eating?

[Alstare1974]

Yes

[Zaf]

Weird sleeping patterns are difficult to cope with, especially if you share the house with others, I often wake in the early hours and end up on the sofa watching TV then need to sleep in the afternoon, I'm reluctant to ask for sleeping tablets but I may eventually have to just to get my sleeping patterns back to some sort of normality.

Have you told your doctor you're having these problems?

[Lol]

Is there a meal that makes you feel sleepy? usually a high carbohydrate meal which also contains protein. Dairy, wholemeal bread and bananas have been reported to be good at this. Such foods are soporific and make us inclined to sleep. If you do respond in this way it might be worth trying one of these foods 45 minutes before bed. Do consider sleeping aids though, nytol can help, but your GP may be able to prescribe you something to help as sleep is essential for healing. Is your room nice and dark? do you have a sleep timer on your television and can go to sleep to the sound of something instead of silence which can let thoughts in. oxygenate your room during the day. If you can get to sleep, these tips may help you to stay asleep?

[Alstare1974]

I've been on sleeping pills since June. There're not very effective any more. I have a mask to help black out tge room when it gets light and I have window open all the time.

[Lol]

OK Alstare. you are doing what you can. If you have to seek the comfort of another in the middle of the night then that is absoluteley what you must continue to do until such a time as you don't need to any more. Your mother absolutely understands. You can assure her that it wont always be like this, because it wont. This is a temporary state, but one that is most distressing for you. As you cry, and explore your feelings through talking and thinking, you will continue through this process and change will occur. It will stop. You will begin to feel diffferent and you will be happy again.

[angel3077]

Hugs alastare can relate to alot of what you are feeling. I feel like a failure alot if the time too. I highly tecomend the Samaritans. If you don't want to talk you can email them. It really helped me when I felt close to suicide. You can keep in contact for as long as you want. As for the sleeping as you can see from the time of this post I have trouble with it too. It's part of this horrible illness. I get really anxious and wake up really early. Anxious about a gp visit later today. Big hugs alastare