Thankyou for your understanding Stevie & Cornish... and the ear lick too I guess

Munchroom you are feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. You are coping with a lot and trying to get a handle on so many things it just seems too much to be able to. You explain that you feel consumed by guilt and unanswerable questions. What are you feeling guilty about and what are the questions you are struggling to answer?
You are doing so well to be getting through the days however you are able when you are feeling like this. It may not feel like it but you are achieving each day because it is so hard. There are many people who are doing this on this forum and although it seems to you like the saddest state of affairs to be 'achieving just getting through a day because it is so hard', it is frankly necessary and shows strength that you are able to achieve what is necessary in order to get through this temporary state. You can and will get through this and better days will come.
It is very sad that you can see a difference in yourself in the photographs. Try not to compare too much is really isn't that simple. You have been through an illness since then and you have been deeply affected by it. It is only temporary though. You are beautiful and you will get better than this in the future. I know it can't come soon enough. You are a survivor.
Thanks for this lol...
The guilt is over so many things. I feel guilty for work because I can only cover a small amount of shifts, I feel guilty for my friends because sometimes I feel like they are pussy footing around a little.... I feel guilty because my house is a complete mess and I have no motivation to do anything about it, I want to - I want to just have a really manic day of just cleaning and tidying and doing the washing, putting things where they belong, but after 10 minutes I'm exhausted

I feel guilty because I'm still talking to Peter pretty much daily on msn and I miss him... I want to be able to do things with him again and to have my best friend back!! But it would seriously piss Chris off, I can't do that to him and in some ways, just by talking to Peter or receiving the occasional text from him, I feel like I'm somehow being unfaithful

I feel guilty because I
cannot put Chris though much more of this - he wants his slighty quirky, fun, hardworking 26 year old fiance back! But its probably more like living with a tired and lazy old woman who snaps at you if you crunch your food too loudly!! I feel guilty because I can't take the dog out in the daytime on my own, because I'm claiming ESA, because if I need to go anywhere I need someone with me....
As for the unanswerable questions, they aren't quite so clear. Its usually just lots of thoughts and questions that keep going over and over and over.... WHY am I like this?? WHY did it have to happen to me? WHY am I struggiling to get through every day when I should be so excited about life - about getting married, about doing a job I really do love, about having a wonderful fiance, house, dog....? Will all the medication I've taken affect my fertility? What if I can't have the children I so desperately want? What if the next lot of anti-depressants don't work? And the next? And the ones after that?
It isn't a sympathy plea or a woe is me... no-one has it as hard as I do post. There are people on here that have much bigger demons than I.... But I just cannot make sense of what is in my head or why I'm thinking the way I am. I feel like I'm losing control, very quickly
