How are you feeling today?

[cornish]

Nope, they make me feel worse, I hate going and they know that as I used to have weekly appointments with my gp. But refused to do any more than once every other week.  But this time I don't have a choice due to the dangerously high lvls of medication

[Zaf]

I hate going to the doctor too but it must be much much worse for you     &*(

[Lol]

Cornish I'm so sorry you are feeling so incredibly low. A lot is happening for you at the moment. On top of all you are dealing with in your conditions, the investigation and external pressures of those and the people that involves is too much to bare. You know that it could help and is likely to help but doing it is too much to bare. Everything seems too much to bare at the moment and you are overwhelmed.

How do you think people feel about you Cornish? Your mum, your friends and family? How do they feel towards you do you think?

[Lol]

Munchroom you are feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. You are coping with a lot and trying to get a handle on so many things it just seems too much to be able to. You explain that you feel consumed by guilt and unanswerable questions. What are you feeling guilty about and what are the questions you are struggling to answer?

You are doing so well to be getting through the days however you are able when you are feeling like this. It may not feel like it but you are achieving each day because it is so hard. There are many people who are doing this on this forum and although it seems to you like the saddest state of affairs to be 'achieving just getting through a day because it is so hard', it is frankly necessary and shows strength that you are able to achieve what is necessary in order to get through this temporary state. You can and will get through this and better days will come.

It is very sad that you can see a difference in yourself in the photographs. Try not to compare too much is really isn't that simple. You have been through an illness since then and you have been deeply affected by it. It is only temporary though. You are beautiful and you will get better than this in the future. I know it can't come soon enough. You are a survivor.

[Lol]

Stevie you hang in there. It is such a *"&%($& distaster that 'time' is the only realy answer when time is the very thing that serves to destroy all hope of ever getting out. What seems to be the enemy is actually the friend. Wait it out and employ all the tools you have at hand (your ways of thinking, meditations, processing, medication) it will get better. TIme is the battle, and you are in the middle of fighting it. You are doing it. Hang in there.

[BladeRunner]

Greetings everyone, I hope your day was enjoyable! Lots of stuff to do round here, afraid that I don't get things right and annoyed about (expensive) mistakes I've made and my financial situation as well as very anxious about the future without too much joy; but I guess that's ok and normal right now. But my darn foot hurts much,  I hope it gets better when it gets some rest... So I don't really want to complain about the situation right now, there'lle  be other times when I need this even more So I just wanted to wish a nice evening, how was your day everybody?

[Zaf]

What did you do to your foot?


Not too bad here this afternoon thanks :)

[BladeRunner]

I'm glad your afternoon has been nice :)

I don't know what I did to my foot - feels like it's the ankle joint, a bit as though I had sprained my ankle, but I haven't. My guess would be that I walked incorrectly because my shoe on that foot does not fit too well - my feet have different sizes 

[Got]

Thanks LOL..I have concerns because I have to be leaving the country in January, I need my medication changing before this. Also,  I was told that I have been having flashbacks...I just thought they were memories.

The nurse, albeit in a very kind and delicate way, suggested that I am quite ill, due to in, her words 'complexity of my problems' and comorbidity. I am very unbalanced, and I have been experiencing very rapid shifts in mood.

At least now I get access to proper mental health care.

[BladeRunner]

I hope you find the right medication, and when you've found it, trying out several ones will certainly have been worthwhile! I've heard from many people that the right medication can really be a blessing and make things much easier. Good luck!

[Munchroom]

Thankyou for your understanding Stevie & Cornish... and the ear lick too I guess 

Munchroom you are feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. You are coping with a lot and trying to get a handle on so many things it just seems too much to be able to. You explain that you feel consumed by guilt and unanswerable questions. What are you feeling guilty about and what are the questions you are struggling to answer?

You are doing so well to be getting through the days however you are able when you are feeling like this. It may not feel like it but you are achieving each day because it is so hard. There are many people who are doing this on this forum and although it seems to you like the saddest state of affairs to be 'achieving just getting through a day because it is so hard', it is frankly necessary and shows strength that you are able to achieve what is necessary in order to get through this temporary state. You can and will get through this and better days will come.

It is very sad that you can see a difference in yourself in the photographs. Try not to compare too much is really isn't that simple. You have been through an illness since then and you have been deeply affected by it. It is only temporary though. You are beautiful and you will get better than this in the future. I know it can't come soon enough. You are a survivor.

Thanks for this lol...

The guilt is over so many things. I feel guilty for work because I can only cover a small amount of shifts, I feel guilty for my friends because sometimes I feel like they are pussy footing around a little.... I feel guilty because my house is a complete mess and I have no motivation to do anything about it, I want to - I want to just have a really manic day of just cleaning and tidying and doing the washing, putting things where they belong, but after 10 minutes I'm exhausted  I feel guilty because I'm still talking to Peter pretty much daily on msn and I miss him... I want to be able to do things with him again and to have my best friend back!! But it would seriously piss Chris off, I can't do that to him and in some ways, just by talking to Peter or receiving the occasional text from him, I feel like I'm somehow being unfaithful  I feel guilty because I cannot put Chris though much more of this - he wants his slighty quirky, fun, hardworking 26 year old fiance back! But its probably more like living with a tired and lazy old woman who snaps at you if you crunch your food too loudly!! I feel guilty because I can't take the dog out in the daytime on my own, because I'm claiming ESA, because if I need to go anywhere I need someone with me....

As for the unanswerable questions, they aren't quite so clear. Its usually just lots of thoughts and questions that keep going over and over and over.... WHY am I like this?? WHY did it have to happen to me? WHY am I struggiling to get through every day when I should be so excited about life - about getting married, about doing a job I really do love, about having a wonderful fiance, house, dog....? Will all the medication I've taken affect my fertility? What if I can't have the children I so desperately want? What if the next lot of anti-depressants don't work? And the next? And the ones after that?

It isn't a sympathy plea or a woe is me... no-one has it as hard as I do post. There are people on here that have much bigger demons than I.... But I just cannot make sense of what is in my head or why I'm thinking the way I am. I feel like I'm losing control, very quickly 

[Got]

Hi munchroom,

You feelings to you are important, because you are experiencing them....so it isn't a sympathy post you are making at all.

Of course you feel guilty, because you can't be you and do the things you like doing. But it is just the depression, and hopefully the depression will shift soon, it may take a while of messing about, but it will get sorted. You have just metioned your fiance, your dog and house...so even though you dont always feel like it...you do appreciate them because you just recognised them. I suppose it is the nature iof depression to be self loathing....but you do seem to try very hard and always seem to think of others.

[cornish]

Thankyou for your understanding Stevie & Cornish... and the ear lick too I guess 

ill lick your ear any time  



i dont feel anything for anyone that i should care about, although i do care for a lot of you but only due to knowing what your going though



it was session 9 of the initial 10 (more haven't been approved i have mixed feelings over this) with my psychologist, we didn't do any EMDR as she was very concerned with the way i was feeling and the SI.  she thinks the triangle thing makes sense and that having 3 appointments a week is actually not going to help due to the way i feel about treatment. we also discussed not having any more sessions due to my views on them, like not thinking it helps and that its torture, i actually feel guilty about admitting that to her but she said it was fine and she wasn't offended. she understands how i feel and we will discuss what's going to happen in my next session that will be in 2 weeks, not weekly like normal. she thinks i need them and that i have made a small amount of progress. don't know what to think, don't know what to do, don't know if i want to think about any of this any more, or even keep on going through hell everyday

[Lol]

Cornish how awful. You are unsure how to procede because everything is too much to bare at the moment and doesn't seem like it will ever improve. I'm very pleased to hear that your psychologist does not believe it is hopeless and can see improvement. what you have achieved with her is amazing and more than you expected. You have such a good relationship with her and she is important to you. I think you are important to her also.

Sorry Cornish I think you misunderstood what I was asking before. I was asking not how you feel about others but how you think they feel about you?

I hope you have a barable day and things are managable. I know it is incredibly difficult but try to think upon your immense struggle as not how much is in front of you but how much of it you have faught. You have come so far. It is so incredibly difficult and feels torturous. I will be thinking of you today as always, I hope you can post later on it is always good to hear from you.

[Zaf]

I'm glad your afternoon has been nice :)

I don't know what I did to my foot - feels like it's the ankle joint, a bit as though I had sprained my ankle, but I haven't. My guess would be that I walked incorrectly because my shoe on that foot does not fit too well - my feet have different sizes 

if its swollen try to get some cold on it, that might help....