How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

Its never easy gon back to work Alstare, I hope it gets easier for you

[Bewildered]

I am becoming numb.

[BladeRunner]

"Comfortably Numb"? Well, I'm afraid not. Hope you'll be better soon (although sometimes in really desperate times numbness can be some kind of blessing).

[Zaf]

I think numbness is our brain trying to protect us from more stress...


Today I feel OK (isnt it lovely to say that?!), I risked taking some valarian tincture before I went to bed to help me sleep and apart from about an hour laying awake and one or two minor disturbances I slept right through to 5.30am, drifted off and then realised I had overslept and had to get up in a hurry.  Still feel tired but hopefully if I can get a few nights like that things will improve.

Thinking of you all xx

[Lol]

Hey lol

Thanks for remembering.

Was pretty tough and didn't feel comfy. Not sure how well am gonna cope or if I'll manage to keep going. Guess time will tell.

Hi Alstare you did it! Well done. Don't expect too much of yourself. This is a door to a new beginning - tip toe through it with both pistols out, don't run through it and expect too much. Have a look, see if you want to stay, check the room your came from and see if it's worth going back, weigh up your options and think it over lots. You will experience all sorts of different emotions about it! you don't have to do anything right now, just feel it and think about it. You have all the time you need.

Well done I'm really chuffed you got through the first day. Youwont have to do that again  :)

[BladeRunner]

Good luck, alstare, I think you'll be doing better every day :) I'm a bit excited, will head for a day in the city for the first time now. Hope all goes well

[Lol]

I am becoming numb.

I think that's the safest state for you to be in just now. I think it stems from confusion. A temporary blown fuse. Ride the numbness and don't try to fight it for the moment or you will become further more confused. Gather people around you as much as you can. If there is no one, befriend some one, anyone, you'll be surprised where friendship can blossom from. Stay in here. We are here for you.

Lol x

[smirfy21]

woke up with no energy and no appetite today, Im slowly learning that no matter how much help or meds I take I am always going to experiance days like this so I am trying not to let it get to me and to carry on with my life. I feel like I have come a long way over the past couple of months and that there is a very faint light at the end of the tunnel.

I have noticed that there are a few new faces on hear and I hope that you guys are finding it usefull to talk, I know that this forum really has been a life saver for me at times. Zaf, Cornish and hope how are you all doing??

smirfy :)

[Depina]

Hi Glad you are feeling better Zaf
Hope everyone has a good day today.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[Zaf]

woke up with no energy and no appetite today, Im slowly learning that no matter how much help or meds I take I am always going to experiance days like this so I am trying not to let it get to me and to carry on with my life. I feel like I have come a long way over the past couple of months and that there is a very faint light at the end of the tunnel.

I have noticed that there are a few new faces on hear and I hope that you guys are finding it usefull to talk, I know that this forum really has been a life saver for me at times. Zaf, Cornish and hope how are you all doing??

smirfy :)

Its really disheartening to have bad days like that smirfy but its a huge step forward that you recognise its part of the illness, its great to hear you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, however faint :)

I'm up and down of course but the better days are in the majority now thank goodness :)

xx

[Pete]

Today I feel as if I have aged 100 years. For the main part of the past week I was sure I had beaten this feeling of drowning beneath everything to the point I even took on a job to renovate a flat. My neck injury meant I knew I couldnt manage it myself but my contacts meant I could easily "sub it out" and just do what i could manage. I managed to drive, phone through orders etc and even speak face to face to strangers but then Sunday came and although my wife was thrilled I was doing greatI knew that going shopping wasn't right. The feelings of fear started to come back, I started to doubt my abilities to do anything and realised that not taking my meds for a few days was oh so wrong.

Today I woke at 1:30pm after having a whopping 13hrs sleep straight ( i have not done that EVER) I feel really shaky inside and empty. Its as if I have done something very wrong and im about to be punished. Got doctors tomorrow and i really dont think i can go. dont know why but i feel if i do something really bad is going to happen, its like im being warned not to go. feel like im going crazy. just going to take a diazipam, but even typing that i'm telling myself i cant take it cuz it might hurt me. im not hearing voices but its just like im arguing with myself. not sure i like this, new to me.....i think but now im thinking its happened before. jeez how can you type as you think when all you think aboout is everything sooooooooo fast. need to chill a bit now i think try and stop te thoughts.

[Zaf]

Pete, huge ups and downs are prettn normal with depression, it sounds as though you might have done too much sorting out the job, its so easily done to feel better and try to get back to noral too soon.

It wasnt a good idea to stop taking your meds, you need to stay on them till the doctor says you can stop then its usual to cut down the dose gradually(a bit like antibiotics when you are supposed to take the whole course even if you start to feel better)

Do try to get to the doc if you possibly can Pete

xx

[Pete]

I will get to see te doc zaf im sure as i need to get more tablets. a few new things have started to happen and to be honest its a bit worrying. im constantly analysing everything that everyone says and thinking about my replies.

EG: The counsellor asked me how I felt about going back to work. At the time I and even now I genuinly feared having to face customers, I didnt want to pretend to be Mr sociable with them etc so the answer shoulld have been "No i dont want to go back to work" BUUUUUTTTTT my thoughts were if I say i dont want to work that makes me sound lazy, makes them think i am pretending all of this just so I can get a sick note from the doctor and get benefits so you gotta say yes you want to go back to work Pete. All this in a split second.

I have found myself pinching myself too for no reason? I dont know why but at times its very hard but I feel its to relax me although it doesnt really if you know what I mean. do you think my meds needs changing or is it something else?

I also keep recalling the councellor saying I have low mood and now i'm wondering if I am making all of this up and I have just had a bit of a low mood and the tablets are making me ill.

very tense and on edge today, I just know i'm gonna blow before the nights out.  Alan effin titchmarsh on the telly aint helping.

[Zaf]

Pete, you need to be honest how you are feeling, if you cant face work/people its important to say, we all try to put on a brave face but how can we get the help we need if we dont let the medics know how we are feeling?  If you are entitled to benefits jolly well get them, I bet you've paid thousands in tax and NI over the years so get what you are entitled to.

I've no idea about the pinching but it doesnt sound very healthy, definitely something to speak to the doc about.

Your counsellor needs a good kick up the rear end, it seems a very unhelpful thing to say to someone who is so obviously suffering from depression, if you feel up to it perhaps its worth challenging that phrase with him/her.  And NO, you b*%#Â¥y well havent made it up!

Alan Titchmarsh would probably send the sanest person reaching for something to throw at the screen, isnt there something better on you can watch?!

[Lol]

Hi Pete, you are experiencing new thoughts and awarenesses that are worrying you and you fear you can't attribute them to anything. This is very distressing for you. You are able to achieve better days but today is a bad one. What you are experiencing are very well documented symptoms of depression, particularly if you have recently played about with your med dose. I believe you may have confused your brian by altering its chemistry again and it is very important that you tell the truth about this to your doctor tomorrow. I sense that you feel vulnerable and untrusting about your medical experiences and 'the system' and it is very difficult for you to fight the urge to cover things up. It is very important that you trust that you can articulate your personal, private feelings to your health team so that you can fight this and recover. This is just a temporary blip, you will recover from this, but you do need to open up and follow advice fully. It is very difficult to put yourself in some one elses hands but please do Pete, these are highly qualified professional physicians and you must concede to their knowledge of the comlpexities of your body chemistry. They can not do this effectively unless you tell them how it is making you feel, as many feelings as you can, as they can alter their treatment accordingly. If you don't tell them your medication and treatment path is likely to be inadequate because you are conceling valuable pieces of your jigsaw.