How are you feeling today?

[cornish]

hes always like it, the other people were pleasant till he got mouthy grrrr
basically hes always been an ignorant, arrogant, annoying and bullying pr**k, most of the times he does what i tell him but he really doesn't like being told what to do by some one whos less than half his age and just ignores me even though hes just a bloody laborer 

[Zaf]

If he doesnt like being told what to do by someone younger and better skilled than he is then he should have worked harder at school or college etc and learned a trade!

[cornish]

yeah exactly and hes been doing it for about 14 years now and is still pretty useless but i do have to give him his due when he does work he works bloody hard

[Zaf]

At least he has something going for him!

[Lol]

Cornish you work bloody hard mate. You sound like you're worth every penny!

I was really upset today. Nearly collapsed at work. Exhausted and emotionally drained. Drained in so many ways actually. I had a panic attack and locked myself in the loo, then legs gave way and I ended up under the sink. Feel like a prize arse. Banged my ear on the sink pedestal which went bright red and felt like a flashing beacon for all to see that said "check me out eveybody! how much of a c**k am I??!!" w*£&$r.  "£$ sorry everyone. I'm angry with myself and the situation today and all politeness seems to have vanished - like my partner. I'm not sleeping and I'm finding it so difficult to cope.

After some very difficult family difficulties which have had a profound affect on me from childhood, I have sought some confort about this from my parents (was previously telling them only snippets on a strictly need to know basis). Now, I need the comfort of some one so much that I could move back in and live there! (which is absolutely absurd) I just need some relief from this torture.

Sorry guys I'm not making any sense.

[cornish]

all i do is try my best, i do get a fair bit of praise and its a bit of a running joke recently that if i keep working so much the im going to start bankrupting some of our customers :p   i really dont feel usefull or worth employing though.

that sounds so familiar lol, probably due to the hours i work though #

no you make sense and that sounds like a good idea, if i didnt have my mum basically looking after me then i would be in a right state

[Lol]

Part of my life story that I've never mentioned is that I have always had to be so strong for my parents about something, can't say what, but basically it's taken me 30 odd years to ever ask for help myself. I've always hidden how I felt about stuff from them so that they don't have me to worry about. I feel like the flood gates have opened now and I've got to stop them as a matter of urgency before I put on them. It is a mixture of comfort and soul destroying failure that I have told them at all. can't cope with that. Prob not making any sense. 

[Zaf]

I'm not surprised you've got to a stage where you dont feel you can cope lol, even in the short time you've been posting here your emotions have been on a roller coaster.

I can understand why you feel angry with yourself but i'm sure you'll look at this later and realise not only is this a normal reaction but an uneccessary one!

It seems amazingly strong of you to have hidden something from your parents for so long but has the strain of it helped to make you ill?  I really cant think of it as a failure on your part, but I can see whete you're coming from

Would it be worth thinking about taking a few days off work and staying with your parents for a few days?

Sorry I cant be of more use, I'm absolutely shattered and just about to give in to tiredness and go to bed

[Lol]

I couldn't possibly put on them to that degree and it would make coming home almost impossible. I feel like I have to keep going, because if I even so much as entertain stopping for any length of time I will explode. Something will take over my body and mind and I know I'll never come back.

don't really know what that means. But I know what it means.

[Lol]

 think we all do

[Depina]

too tired to make a comment-sorry
But hope you sleep well everyone
XX

[Zaf]

I couldn't possibly put on them to that degree and it would make coming home almost impossible. I feel like I have to keep going, because if I even so much as entertain stopping for any length of time I will explode. Something will take over my body and mind and I know I'll never come back.

don't really know what that means. But I know what it means.

Could you keep going but at a slower pace?

[Lol]

That's a great idea, but the demands of my job make that an impossibility! If I have chance to take it easy I do, but even that is getting too hard at the moment. If my prescious partner would just admit she has depression and it could be a real and likely reason why she 'suddenly' doesn't feel anything, I would take a fortnight off, sleep and eat everything. As it is, I am floating around, unable to concentrate, eat or sleep and close to a break down. 

[Depina]

Hi Lol
Hugs to you &*(
XX

[Zaf]

Lol, you need to find a way of preventing that happening somehow, I dont know what to suggest, I wish I did