Thanks Zaf

I woke up at 4am and sat in my lounge thinking about my 8:50am doctors appointment. I got there at 8.25 and sat in my car just waiting. It was the worst driving experience I had had as near me was a murder yesterday so the whole area was cordoned off and I swear I felt so guilty driving anywhere near the place. I was convinced that I was going to have some sort of accident but I didnt.
Anyway I saw the doctor and although I didnt go into much detail he gave me some questionairre to fill out. He looked at my answers and then looked at me and ;)I felt so low and embarrassed. I was sure hewas goingto say I was wasting his time but he said I am certain you have some form of depression but we need to see just what type. he then asked if I had any family with bipolar. i said my brother suffered from depression but as I am an adoptee and he is my birth brother and I dont really know much about him. he just said ahh I see. That got me worried too.
Anyway in the end he said he wanted me to come back next week but to also book an appointment with the CPN? I assume she is a nurse but I dont know and didnt like to ask as I wanted to get out of his office to be honest.
he has put me on 20mg a day of citalopram but told me I will feel worse before I get betetr and that makes me feel I dont want to take them as I dont want to get worse, I feel bad enough now so why go worse?
Has anyone got any advice? what can i expect to happen now?
I am also now working myself up about this ESA I am on as I have been told i need to have a medical. I am actuallly on the sick for a neck injury right now but he has said to me that I may well stay on it for another 6 mths due to my depression but how can they do a medical for how i feel? I hate exams and tests and feel I will be seen as one of those frauds as apart from my neck which will heal soon I am physically fit. Ok there are issues with depression and ok I am struggling right now even just being outside never mind working but I do want to work so maybe I would be betetr off on JSA anyway?
Ok i'm gonna stop now as I can feel my head bursting lol.
( Is the forum time wrong btw? or is it in my settings?)