How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

Hope you have a better day today Pete.

I planned to get up and do things today but I only got 3 hours sleep so feel more tired than usual, but the sun is out and its not cold and cloudy for the first time in weeks so hope it will encourage me to make a move before too long....

[smirfy21]

I lay awake all night last night and kept feeling the need to get up and do something constructive. I have sat in bed all day just watching 4od on my laptop and I dont really have the energy to do anything else today.
not really feeling happy or sad just feeling really lazy and empty

[Zaf]

Its the tiredness that really gets to me smirfy, I managed to get outside for about an hour (quite an achievement for me) but since then I've either been asleep or watching TV

Hope you have a better day tomorrow :)

[Munchroom]

I'm feeling quite good today  :) We went out for dinner with some friends last night and I was very very very tired thismorning! As I always am after going out - but I woke up feeling really quite postive! I've also invited them round for dinner tomorrow... so will have a busy day preparing everything!
I've been out in the garden most of the afternoon... I haven't got a clue about gardeing!! But everything I've planted seems to have got really big! (I blame miracle-grow!) so I've had to shift some things around and cut some things back.... I have no idea what I'm doing though! A real gardener would come out and be horrified I expect!!!

I am feeling pretty tired now though - gonna have a bath and I need to make a 'practice' trifle (the last trifle I made was a disaster!)

[Zaf]

 Great to hear you're feeling so positive :)

Who cares What a 'real' gardener would think as long as you enjoy your garden!

Good luck with the trifle....

[seamie]

struggling without my medication now. not sure how long its been 3 ,or perhaps 4 weeks

[Zaf]

Do go back to your GP and tell him/her how you feel, its possible you may have to go back on them and come off more slowly or stay on for a wee bit longer, but its important to tell the doc.

[Munchroom]

Seamie... if you don't mid me asking, why have you been taken off of medication? Please don't feel you have to answer, I am just curious as to why they have stopped altogether when you are obviously struggling without them?

As Zaf says... very important to keep the doctor informed! x

[Pete]

I woke up this morning to my 15mth old shouting Daaaad, lol made me smile. I honestly cant recall the last time I felt a smile, well a real one anyway.

I actually feel quite calm today and even went for a walk with the wife and baby around our local park. It was really nice until I saw someone with 2 big dogs and that was it. i started to panic and just had to get my baby out of there. I never used to have any fears like this but now I just think that some dogs will savage my kid. I also have developed a really crazy fear of heights whereas I cant go up a six step ladder withougn shaking.

Anyway we stopped at the park play area which was secure so I felt better until I suddenly felt everyone was watching me and got really really paranoid and even somewhat scared. I tried to keep calm so as to not ruin the day and think I managed it even though I found myself having to nip off to the toilet where I was so sick it was unbeleivable. I wasa actually that scared inside.

Managed to go home fine and then suggested I go get ice cream for everyone, it was a ploy really as I found myself coming back with a 4 pack of cobra lager. I had to have a beer but I am happy in that it wasnt a bottle of scotch so I sort of stillfeel I won the battle.

Tomorow is my Drs appointment again and I so wish I was as confident as I was the other day but now I am starting to shake again.Just take it as it comes is all I can do but I do feel the fear of things starting to get worse and so am scared how long it will  be before going out becomes too hard. Its been a few months since I was that bad and I thought it was over but not so sure now. I was so happy the other week and so strong its a bit confusing how I am meant to be now.

[Zaf]

Its great you have been able to smile :)

Panic attacks and unreasonable fears are very normal during depression, you need to tell your GP about them too.

Hope your appointment went well, I guess as I type you should be there now.

[Zaf]

I slept badly and have a headache this morning, I'm sitting building up the energy to go to work this morning but while I'm ill I've arranged to cut my hours so should be back mid afternoon.

[smirfy21]

woke up megga early, did some art work, went to the gym which was a first in a very long time and now im just tinkering with things on the internet. 

[Zaf]

That sounds very positive smirfy 

[Munchroom]

Manic  !"!

What started out as just cooking a roast and a trifle for friends tonight has turned into THREE courses and I've even chucked in a 'palette cleanser' (wtf?!) because I keep thinking of ideas!!! I have just spoken to my mum on the phone and I knew as I was talking I was sounding a bit hyper, so I've promised her I will have a lazy day tommorow... hope I dont crash before then! 

[Pete]

Thanks Zaf  

I woke up at 4am and sat in my lounge thinking about my 8:50am doctors appointment. I got there at 8.25 and sat in my car just waiting. It was the worst driving experience I had had as near me was a murder yesterday so the whole area was cordoned off and I swear I felt so guilty driving anywhere near the place. I was convinced that I was going to have some sort of accident but I didnt.

Anyway I saw the doctor and although I didnt go into much detail he gave me some questionairre to fill out. He looked at my answers and then looked at me and  ;)I  felt so low and embarrassed. I was sure hewas goingto say I was wasting his time but he said I am certain you have some form of depression but we need to see just what type. he then asked if I had any family with bipolar. i said my brother suffered from depression but as I am an adoptee and he is my birth brother and I dont really know much about him. he just said ahh I see. That got me worried too.

Anyway in the end he said he wanted me to come back next week but to also book an appointment with the CPN? I assume she is a nurse but I dont know and didnt like to ask as I wanted to get out of his office to be honest.

he has put me on 20mg a day of citalopram but told me I will feel worse before I get betetr and that makes me feel I dont want to take them as I dont want to get worse, I feel bad enough now so why go worse?

Has anyone got any advice? what can i expect to happen now?

I am also now working myself up about this ESA I am on as I have been told i need to have a medical. I am actuallly on the sick for a neck injury right now but he has said to me  that I may well stay on it for another 6 mths due to my depression but how can they do a medical for how i feel? I hate exams and tests and feel I will be seen as one of those frauds as apart from my neck which will heal soon I am physically fit. Ok there are issues with depression and ok I am struggling right now even just being outside never mind working but I do want to work so maybe I would be betetr off on JSA anyway?

Ok i'm gonna stop now as I can feel my head bursting lol.


( Is the forum time wrong btw? or is it in my settings?)