How are you feeling today?

[Buttercup]

We're here for you Icelolly  &*( &*(

[Holykimura]

Hi I havnt been on here for a while, I have been feeling very good of late. But this week I have been feeling really overwhelmed, hope you all are are having good days. I feel kind of strange posting on here almost a little embarresed, but I'm sure some of you will be able to sympathise with me. When you feel good you feel like you can take on the world, but when you crash like I have today it's like the end of the world.

[Sweetpea]

Icelolly I am so sorry, hopefully she will be more understanding when she goes to the dr with you, your dr is obviously concerned for you.  I am lucky my mum understands as my sister and brother suffered with depression before I became ill.

Thinking of you, know its a really difficult time for you.

S x

[Sweetpea]

 &*( for you Holykimura,  Its hard when you have a really down day and all the harder when you have been feeling so well.  Hope its just a blip and you feel better tomorrow.

S x

[Glen53]

Im sorry to hear that your mum has known all along. What a strange way to deal with things - not even talking to you about it when she found out 

I think the attitude she is showing may well be a bit of guilt coming through. If there is a positive to this, its that your mum may now want to talk more about this with you. Although it might start with raised voices and poor understanding, there is at least a chance that she will come to understand it once you talk it over. I really hope so Icelolly.

I think either way, you need to try to be the grown up in all this and keep your cool if you can. Just explain as calmly as you can how you feel and how lonely it felt not being able to talk to her. Explain why you felt you could not, but dont point fingers - just say that she didnt seem to understand you. If she doesnt get it and has an attitude then its her failing not yours 

We are here for you, come what may.

[smirfy21]

need to remove alcohol from my life, turning into my mother and I don't like it.

[Pete]

Feel like I have a massive hangover. After months of not being able to sleep and getting by on a couple hours a night things have swung around the opposite since my episode and now I could sleep the clock around. The alarm went off at 6am but I just lay there ignoring it like a schoolkid trying to avoid school. My wife "woke" me, I ignored her too, my son then did the usual and got up, went downstairs and put the kettle on,made toast and then that was it, I have to get up. He's again turned into the parent and I'm up.

Back to the same old same old. If it wasn't for my family I wouldn't eat,wash or do anything. It would be me,a room and the dark. Is that so wrong?

Doctors at 9am and I am a mix of scared and angry. I don't want to go,the thought of the journey is stressing me so much I have heartburn again, damn acid reflux!!!

I recall/relive the last time we tried to go in the car to an appointment and I just flipped for no reason other than immense fear. It was as if I was going to die on that journey and I had to avoid it at all costs, and I did.

I also have a mental battle going on. I know I need to tell him about my hyper/manic episode but I'm scared he'll either not believe me or worse hospitalise me. I'm fine now! No signs of anything any different than he saw 4 weeks ago and even I am starting to wonder if it really happened but my son has said I NEED to tell him so I can get sorted and make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm angry that this damn illness is messing with everyones lives and I'm turning into someone else.

I don't want a life like this, I don't want a life of people who know best and pills and potions and caring people who "listen" but I don't want a life of drink or drugs and sleeping on the sofa either. I just want a life!!

I am so conscious of both the date and that this time last year I was sat next to my sister in hospital as she spent her last hours with us after 3 yrs battling breast cancer. I so wanna just hide in a bottle but I know I can't, she wouldn't want that. Don't know what else to do. Just sit!! Its all I do now is sit! Pain from neck radiates down my back even more than before now. 40 but feel 70. Life begins at 40 they say?? Bo**##ks!!

[Sweetpea]

Hope you get on ok at your dr's appointment.

 &*( for you.

S x

[Pete]

Not sure how it went? Feel a long post coming on so will jump to my journal.

[Sweetpea]

Woke with a really bad heahache again, had to resort to painkillers.  Think itgs down to my jaw, I tend to clench my jaw, I will have to start wearing my mouth guard to bed again, it stops me clenching.

Was working this morning, walked the dogs early. Waiting in for a parcel to be delivered this afternoon.  When thats been will tidy round then rest for the rest of the afternoon.

 &*( to everyone that needs one.

Take care all

S x

[Zaf]

Very tired today &*( to all those that need them xx

[Holykimura]

Feeling crap again

[oxocube]

Had a interesting day today,went into work for the first time in several weeks.
Only a visit,but it went well.
Since I was last at work,I have moved out of London,so today was also my first commute from the new home.

Did not sleep very well last night, waking up every hour,anxious about going to work.

Out of bed at 05:45 killer,but did it,got myself ready for work,made coffee for me and my partner.

Left the house at 06:45,walk to the rail station,very cold and crisp,got the train down to London.

Nervous but also good, I miss the routine of the daily commute,I miss work.

Everybody was happy to see me,which was great for my confidence.

Stayed until 12:30, then back home, that was a bit of a downer, maybe because its so cold today.

If doctor gives the ok on Friday,I should be back to work next Monday.

On a different note,does anybody know if depression effects your vision?
Since I had my depression, my eyes get very tired, and sore.Maybe I need to go to the optician

Tires now,need to rest..

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Glen,

She is just angry with me because she now thinks that I have told people she is a bad parent. She told me not to go to head of year and tell her that she doesn't listen and stuff. She said that head of year as accusing her of being a bad mother and she wasn't doing that at all. I think she is being quite selfish, this is supposed to be about supporting me and all she is doing is thinking of herself. My dad told me that she is upset because she thinks she is a bad mum but he is just trying to play the guilt trip with me.

[Zaf]

Thanks Glen,

She is just angry with me because she now thinks that I have told people she is a bad parent. She told me not to go to head of year and tell her that she doesn't listen and stuff. She said that head of year as accusing her of being a bad mother and she wasn't doing that at all. I think she is being quite selfish, this is supposed to be about supporting me and all she is doing is thinking of herself. My dad told me that she is upset because she thinks she is a bad mum but he is just trying to play the guilt trip with me.

I think this may be the core of the problem, your mum is either feeling guilty or worried people are going to think she is a bad mum.  If you are ill you need treatment and its such a shame your parents arent supporting you xx