How are you feeling today?

[Zaf]

When is the assesment smirfy?

[Holykimura]

Zaf just remember its just work and it's a means to an end. Remember you work to live and not live to work, and when you've finished your day you can forget about it  x

[Lol]

Hello everybody!!! I'm back from my holiday and have had a fantastic, relaxing and frankly hillarious time. All the way through the week I have had fleeting thoughts about coming back home and they filled me with dread so I pushed them out of my mind and just allowed myself to feel happy for once (in over 6 months) but alas I have just come home and cried solidly for about 10 minutes whilst pushing a hoover around. Have arranged to be with people tonight, but the thought of having to eventually return to normal, in our house, with all our memories, alone, again, is frankly frightening and un ignorably sad. I feel really overwhelmed by the sadness again at the moment. I wonder if this will ever ever stop. I can't keep having people baby sit me all the time.

Have been thinking of you all, everyone seems to be keeping it together although I see it has been easier (or should I say less difficult) for some than others. We'll get there in time.

[Zaf]

I'm doing a lot better at that these days Holykimura so no thought of work at all will be permitted over the weekend :)

It becomes a vicious circle, work makes me depressed and depression makes me less capable of dealing with the stress of work

I will get there, but I know it will take time

[Zaf]

Hello everybody!!! I'm back from my holiday and have had a fantastic, relaxing and frankly hillarious time. All the way through the week I have had fleeting thoughts about coming back home and they filled me with dread so I pushed them out of my mind and just allowed myself to feel happy for once (in over 6 months) but alas I have just come home and cried solidly for about 10 minutes whilst pushing a hoover around. Have arranged to be with people tonight, but the thought of having to eventually return to normal, in our house, with all our memories, alone, again, is frankly frightening and un ignorably sad. I feel really overwhelmed by the sadness again at the moment. I wonder if this will ever ever stop. I can't keep having people baby sit me all the time.

Have been thinking of you all, everyone seems to be keeping it together although I see it has been easier (or should I say less difficult) for some than others. We'll get there in time.

&*(  i guess it would be incredibly difficult to move house if it has become a trigger?

[lbruk]

well, my headhurts today - my meds have been changed and my brain doesnt seem to like it!

[Zaf]

Ugh, if it continues you need to tell your doc xx

[smirfy21]

When is the assesment smirfy?

hey zaf its on the 20th of december but I'm not in the country so I am going to have to re arrange it, and to be honest if I can make it sooner then that would be better.

I don't even know what to expect from a proper psychiactric assesment have you ever been through this process?
smirfy

[Zaf]

It would definitely be better if it could be sooner rather than later.

I'm sorry, I havent but perhaps someone else will know more - I can understand your apprehension it does sound a bit scary   have you tried googling it or perhaps contacting something like MIND or SANE to see if they can help put your mind at rest a bit?

[Holykimura]

Hello everybody!!! I'm back from my holiday and have had a fantastic, relaxing and frankly hillarious time. All the way through the week I have had fleeting thoughts about coming back home and they filled me with dread so I pushed them out of my mind and just allowed myself to feel happy for once (in over 6 months) but alas I have just come home and cried solidly for about 10 minutes whilst pushing a hoover around. Have arranged to be with people tonight, but the thought of having to eventually return to normal, in our house, with all our memories, alone, again, is frankly frightening and un ignorably sad. I feel really overwhelmed by the sadness again at the moment. I wonder if this will ever ever stop. I can't keep having people baby sit me all the time.

Have been thinking of you all, everyone seems to be keeping it together although I see it has been easier (or should I say less difficult) for some than others. We'll get there in time.

glad you had a really good time and I'm sure you left all your worries behind while on holiday! Sadly though we all have to come back to reality and face the things that we hate, are scared of, or frankly don't want do. But lol remember the happy feelings you had while you were on holiday and think to yourself I have felt happy if even only for a short time! Us people who suffers from this awful illness need to grasp what makes us feel good or when we feel better and cherish those times but also remind ourselves we will feel good again. And lol without sounding too much like a health worker think of all the positive things you've returned to, a roof over your head, a vaccum cleaner (some people can't afford one) a computer or device that you are able to communicate with friends on here :) its always hard having to come back after a break but keep in the back of your mind you'll feel good again soon. Oh and there is no need to wait to "get there" your already "there" just going through a tough time now and again but "there" will feel good again soon.

[Zaf]

Exhausted and apathetic, ugh

[Lol]

Holykimura thanks very much for your supportive advice. How true. It is important that I remember all the blessings in my life. I have got stuck in a rut of 'I'm nothing without her' and I'm ashamed that I can't get out of it. All those things you have said I already know and I feel just awful for not being able to charge myself with those positive thoughts, but, as always, you have said the right thing at the right time. However much I can not do it for myself, there is always some one here who does it for me right when I need it. Thank you. I feel ashamed and weak that I can not get there for myself faster. I am not a wallower, and I have been through break ups before and successfully come out the other side. But I feel that I have never broken up with the absolute love of my life, the one I was supposed to be with forever, before and the utter disaster of it all floods my mind like the first time 20 times a day. I am aware that I sound really rather ridiculous, and I try not to say too much becuase, as I've said before, I am sure there are break up sites for this kind of stuff, it;s not really appropriate here. but thank you for your kind words. They are wise ideed.

How are you coping at work at the moment? Does it help at all to know that after a certain amount of weeks a break will always be coming, or do you have to work through those anyway? How is your partner coping with her own depression and medication? You are both going through a difficult time together, with mutual understanding of the illness I can't imagine whether that makes things easier or harder? You sound a little more positive in your posts.

[Lol]

Exhausted and apathetic, ugh

Zaf I'm sorry what an awful way to feel after such a lovely break. This week has been difficult for you and the contrast has been made obvious. Your body and mind must be objecting.

Have you ever tried this - (don't know how you feel about appearance and personal identity - but thinking of your new floaty skirts...) when you get back from work, in order to mark that you are indeed no longer at work, I'm sure you change into different clothes. But why do you choose those clothes?? Do they make you feel how 'you' want to feel or are they simply practical/habit. Myself and my (ex)partner used to have different clothes (still comfy, not posh) and my partner would wear 'weekend perfume' so that it felt different on a Friday than it did to during the week. even if we got home late and had to work the next day, we would mark the weekend with this, well, ritual if you like. I have different trousers, in fact I'm wearing them now, and they make me feel like it's a week end and a nice time, to relax and have fun, and realise that it's the week end in. I also like a beer or a glass of wine (as you know) and I (we as was) have different glasses for the week end. Now I know this sounds ridiculous, but it really works to help that 'frame of mind' along. I find it really powerful. So.... what I'm trying to say in a really long winded way is.. could you whack on a floaty skirt, light some tea lights and get your 'after work glass' out for a nice home-made presee and mark the fact that work is DONE for the day and let these visual, sensual, stimuli give you a sense of finality of the day past, but also the beginning of some you time to enjoy?? Just a thought.

Here's to the week end for you anyway. x

[Zaf]

It sound very sensible lol, I'd probably wait till I've fed the horses and have evening clothes during the week, I'm definitely going to give it a try - you're a genius :)


Ps  not sure if you've got as far as reading the journals but feeling this grim after my break has prompted me to phone the job centre and advertise for someone to work in the office so perhaps I needed to feel so horrid to give me that kick up the derrier to do something about it.

[Lol]

Absolutely Zaf everything DOES happen for a reason, it's just that we can very rarely see that objectively in the thick of it! I think that is an excellent move for you. Imagine the relief.