Hi all,
Many thanks for your replies.
I've been doing a bit of research, my last session with the counsellor pointed me in the right direction 'attachment theory'. Basically I'm what you would call, "Anxious-preoccupied", the description of my feelings and behaviour fits, perfectly. I've found flow charts etc...
I actually feel quite a lot better, knowing this, it will help me identify if I'm being irrational or my perception is wrong.
Bel, I always try to focus on the positives, sometimes it's too much, but most of the time I can. It's hard, it feels like a fight, but I have to try, I don't give in easily.
Ali, no, I don't have any friends or family I can talk to about this - not properly. My parents and siblings have enough trouble of their own at the moment and they need me. I couldn't burden them with my problems. Friends, I have a friend of my wife's who suffered post-natal depression and we talk sometimes. That is nice. To be honest, all it takes is a kind word, a hug, an email and a text and I forget my worries. Unfortunately, the nature of it is that I 'forget' pretty quick and then start needing that reassurance all over again... but now I'm armed with that knowledge!! :)
I did try telling one of my other friends and was first told, that I should NOT talk about this kind of stuff with my mates. That really hurt, so I left it. In time I tried again, deciding that if they were a true friend they would listen. They have. I know it makes them uncomfortable, so I won't speak about it often, but it's good to know that they care in their own way.
I can't really talk about it with my wife. I do though, but she really doesn't get it and ends up being aggressive, which to be honest only makes the problem worse. I don't blame her for that though. We have 3 nippers and they demand enough of our attention, she needs me to be strong. So, I prefer not to mention it at home.
Anyway, I believe in me and I believe I can get the better of this and so I will.
Thanks all for listening.