Author Topic: So tired..........  (Read 4511 times)

lightenup

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
So tired..........
« on: December 30, 2010, 11:51:37 PM »
Hi tomorrow is New Years Eve, I have always entertained family and friends for 15 years since moving to this house and also before.  It is a none invite affair now as it is assumed.  Of course my sons may add friends, we have been shopping for months for this as usual.  Last year I didn't want to do it but felt if my sister wasn't here, but needed too to help my parents through it.  My depression as really deterioted but I am trying really hard.  My eldest son was home for xmas before he came home we spent 2 fretful days driving in impossible driving conditions between airports to help his girlfriend get home to her parents in Finland.  It seems everyone forgets that i am ill and supposed to be resting.  I can't cook as I need someone watching over me as I leave things on and forget.  Parents and parents in law are old and sick, and it has stressed me out carrying out their demands (they don't know I'm unwell).
I received no help to clean or cook over the whole period and am now fully exhausted.  We took our soon home unfortunately too a house that had leaks. a burst radiator in his bathroom as well.  He went to take a good towel to clean the oiley residue of the floor, and I told him to use toilet paper, and was told to shut my mouth and mind my own business.  My husband shouted at him and I just turned away and went to the car and cried.  I have spent three days crying he apologised, and yet yesterday told his dad to mind his own business (we feel landlord is not playing fair).  
 Our other son has come home for New years having had to work over the xmas period, I don't think I can do this tomorrow.  Collect my son and girlfriend have a meal ready, prepare for the evening party with food and I had to write my sister's memorium today.

I can write funny when i am medicated and drunk, funny that ...............my son;s attitude has shown me the gratitude he has for us yes as long as we spend put ourselves out so we can get slapped,  But the worse thing of all my love for them have mid trying have stopped me from od...........so what is the point!!!   Just spending my time crying not sleeping very well even with the meds life is Sh*t         
Poor is the person who takes pleasure out of the persecution of others

bel

  • Karma Group
  • Jr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 153
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2011, 12:42:07 PM »
Hi Lightenup,
Sorry to hear you're in a bad place. I know it's hard when family and friends have expectations of you, but you really need to look after yourself right now. Of course your sons will always be your sons but if they're adults now they need to take responsibility, so if your son ruins a good towel that's his lookout, for example. So maybe they won't like it if you stop doing things for them but you must put yourself first.
Hope 2011 is better for you.
bel

junior

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 280
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2011, 10:59:52 AM »
Hi lightenup, im sorry you are struggling, sounds like you had alot to do hope it all went well for you, if you want to talk you can pm me anytime.
Hope you feel better soon.
Junior

lightenup

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2011, 07:08:41 PM »
Thanks Bel and Junior for your support, everyone has gone and I am just exhausted.  Parents are ill with chest infections and now not feeling to good myself.  I know I should congratulate forgetting through everything over xmas and New Year, but I just feel even more depressed and tired, just feel in a downward spiral at the moment.  Just more stress to look forward too.  Take care and thanks for listening.
Poor is the person who takes pleasure out of the persecution of others

junior

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 280
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2011, 12:43:02 AM »
Hi lightenup, sorry you are feeling ill it always add's to your mood when your not well, maybe you could get a few days rest?
Hope you feel better soon.
Junior

bel

  • Karma Group
  • Jr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 153
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #5 on: January 06, 2011, 11:23:25 AM »
Hi lightenup,
At least that's all over! Do try and get some rest and try to do something nice for yourself, even just a little thing. Have a (((((hug))))).
bel

lightenup

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #6 on: January 15, 2011, 03:39:03 PM »
Thanks everyone for your kind words, hope your all well )(*
Poor is the person who takes pleasure out of the persecution of others

lightenup

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #7 on: January 18, 2011, 02:36:23 PM »
Back to CBT yesterday, I had to see someone different as my usual person is off on sick leave for the month of January.  I knew this on my last session on 15th December.  As I have had such a rough time over xmas (most people have added stress) I needed to go.  Now I had a major issue on Friday and it took me 4 days to work it out, and finally getting it in someway dealt with.  Brain normally when I was well would have decipher the problems in a few minutes.  My session yesterday lasted 1hr 35mins I was determinded not to cry (I did).  On a scale of 1-10 I was asked how I thought I was doing I said 5-6, and I was told I was lower end of 2.  I was so drained I slept the whole way home in the car.  I need to find out how to relax and heal myself.  I find this difficult.......its a vicious cycle.  I need to get the sleep sorted out a little bit better too.  When or how long will I take to get better, CBT fortnightly now from May and medication settled for around this date. 
Poor is the person who takes pleasure out of the persecution of others

junior

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 280
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2011, 10:11:51 PM »
Hi lightenup, im sorry you feel so low it sounds like the way you sleep add's to your depression, have you spoken to your gp about it? I know relaxing is a hard thing to do when your mind is racing away, I play guitar well try anyway but I find that helps or a relaxing bath, hope you feel better soon.
Junior

Mark

  • Karma Group
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 17
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #9 on: January 24, 2011, 06:00:55 PM »
Hi lightenup,

Is there is reason why you have to wait until May for medication or am I totally reading it wrong?

Take care
Mark  :)

lightenup

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #10 on: January 26, 2011, 09:02:36 PM »
Hi Mark, welcome to the forum, no my medication and CBT has been ongoing from May, sorry grammer not too good, (like my head). 
Poor is the person who takes pleasure out of the persecution of others

lightenup

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #11 on: January 26, 2011, 09:06:50 PM »
Hi Mark, thank you for the offer of help, have been going to CBT on weekly visit.   
Poor is the person who takes pleasure out of the persecution of others

Mark

  • Karma Group
  • Newbie
  • *****
  • Posts: 17
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #12 on: February 02, 2011, 11:04:45 PM »
Hiya lightenup,

Ah that all makes sense now (probably me mis-reading it too ;)

So how's the combination of medication (what are you taking?) and CBT going, are you finding it helpful?

Feel free to PM me if you want to go into more detail :)

Take care
Mark  :)

lightenup

  • Karma Group
  • Full Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 326
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #13 on: February 18, 2011, 04:26:19 PM »
I have been struggleing for a while now, rang to see why I haven't received my appointment for CBT my Therapist has been off since before Xmas, and I seen another one in Jan, on my last session they said they would send me out an appointment .  My husband pushed me to ring today, and they told me my therapist is still off work.  Over the past few weeks I have had two medical assesments which have worried me a lot, and I have to admit I am not coping too well and hubby is taking the brunt of it. 

I love to cook and bake and lately I am struggling to do this turning the wrong rings on forgetting about things in the oven thank goodness all is electric, last week I was making a boiled fruit cake and forgot the butter!!!  I am getting more and more frustrated, last night was awful and I was going to ring lifeline, but I took my meds and went to bed, however I didn't sleep too well even with the sleeping tablet.  I am just so afraid I am slipping lower and lower, its is so difficult to have people understand, my own best friend rang me last week to tell me about a local guy committing suicide, as if I needed to hear this.  Before December I felt i was really getting somewhere, how long did it take anyone to get better.  Sometimes I feel like throwing all the meds in the bin, and seeing if I would be better without them.

Tomorrow night I have agreed for us to visit my best friend, I am so worried that if she tells me all the bad news about everyone (she works in a receptionist post and hears all the local gossip about people) that I will snip her off.  Personally I could never listen or wasn't interested in gossip as I always say if make these statements they can come back and bite you on the bottom &^% 

Hope you are all well.   
Poor is the person who takes pleasure out of the persecution of others

bel

  • Karma Group
  • Jr. Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 153
Re: So tired..........
« Reply #14 on: February 19, 2011, 11:19:09 AM »
So sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. I also used to have real trouble concentrating and made silly mistakes all the time. Try not to be too hard on yourself about it. When you are cooking or baking would it help to write a really detailed, step by step, list of what you need to do, as if you were explaining it to a complete beginner; then tick off each thing as you do it. Don't feel it's cheating, you're just helping yourself while you're in an awkward patch. Hopefully this will help you to make a lovely cake, or whatever, and your confidence will build up.

When you visit your friend, if she starts gossiping or telling you bad news, could you just calmly ask her not to. Ask her to talk about good news and positive or happy things; it will be better for her as well as you.

Have you thought of trying Mindful Help, as you are struggling to get face to face therapy just now. (I posted this somewhere else too, sorry if you already saw it.)

Hope things start improving for you soon. Best wishes x