Author Topic: its been a while  (Read 2055 times)

tharidler

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its been a while
« on: April 14, 2013, 04:07:07 PM »
hi everyone
I always feel a little guilty as I post and ask for help and support and then stop posting but for the most part I find it hard to hold my demons at bay and sometimes the content of some of the posts make me so sad for the people who have written them it just opens up the floodgates to my own despair I am going to work on this as I feel the need no only to receive but hopefully to offer anyway I digress I have currently been working with my therapist using methods that help with ptsd sorry if I have mentioned this before but that was then but now I feel that there has been some progress it is not nice I must tell you and I have found it on occasion very upsetting however I do believe that it is worth it also makes a great deal of sense as my therapist explained that often (this is just a generalisation)what we have gone through that has set us up with our problems (my childhood partly)has been traumatic and we may in some ways have experienced a loss or an event that may have been more upsetting or important than we realise and our coping mechanisms take over and sometimes bury the hurt so we can better deal with everyday life but eventually these things have a habit of finding their own way back to the surface so in working on these issues in this way and it has helped my understanding of things that have been causing me issues its interesting because things can be seen in a whole new light and I have had a few moments that out of nowhere have made perfect sense and helped me we also still use things learnt in cbt to assist as well (that's the positive) now here is the way I have been for the last week and this is when I get terribly upset and start to wonder if it will ever end I have a loving wife who it feels like she just pays me lip service when I talk of my issues (this is very unfair of me as I know its not true)and I have been so dangerously low that I think what does it matter I have enough meds to go and my almost lifelong fear of death does not prevent these thoughts I know it will be easy and painless and despite all of the progress I have made I feel totally alone and lost I am lucky to have a great wife and children and to receive the help I do but this is cold comfort at the moment I can only hope tomorrow is a better day for us all
"It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop!"
-- CONFUCIUS

Catbrian

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Re: its been a while
« Reply #1 on: April 14, 2013, 05:59:44 PM »
Try not to feel guilty for only posting your own thoughts, that's what the Forum's all about for many.  Sometimes we don't feel strong enough to involve ourselves in other people's problems.  It's important that we try to keep ourselves positive, so reading things that are gloomy makes little sense, eh?

Recalling things you've previously shared, I remember that we have similar childhoods, which has left a traumatic mark on our lives.  I also suffer PTSD from another incident, but have often thought I also suffer PTSD from childhood.  I harbour tremendous anger and resentment from childhood that eats me up like a disease.  I've never been brave enough to face the trauma in therapy

You're right, we tend to make attempts at burying our pain, but it does have a habit of resurfacing.  Those moments of realisation can make therapy feel worthwhile

Depression is a very lonely illness and it wouldn't matter who was around us, we would still feel very much alone.  Even another depressive cannot fully know the dark corners of our mind.

Hope you have a better evening and tomorrow feels brighter

Pip

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Re: its been a while
« Reply #2 on: April 14, 2013, 08:44:24 PM »
Cat is right plus you don't know how much you actually be helping somebody as they may relate to you.

tharidler

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Re: its been a while
« Reply #3 on: April 15, 2013, 10:47:45 AM »
thank you cat and pip for your kind words
late last night my wife asked had I taken my meds and I said no which was when we discovered I hadn't taken any meds all day I often forget that it is not to be underestimated what an effect these cocktails can have even if we only miss one dose so today that edge has been taken off and I feel a little more able to function can I just say whoever in the past called these happy pills was a moron who I doubt was ever affected by depression I also wanted to say to anyone who takes the time to read my posts thank you but also I realise that the mental health care whilst still lacking in funding and manpower where I live is still a lot better than a lot of people are lucky enough to be offered so for that I am truly grateful.

I hope with time we can all feel a little better
"It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop!"
-- CONFUCIUS

Catbrian

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Re: its been a while
« Reply #4 on: April 15, 2013, 02:37:25 PM »
That's weird, I was just wondering why I was a bit jittery this afternoon, reading your post reminded me to take the meds!  I agree, there is nothing happy about them

Sweetpea

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its been a while
« Reply #5 on: April 15, 2013, 05:41:56 PM »
Don't ever feel guilty about not responding to others posts. As Pip has said by posting it could well help others. I have often felt very alone even though I have wonderful family and friends. When we are in a bad place we often can't see/feel anything but how bad it is.

I am pleased to hear you feel a bit better today. I have forgotten my meds before and its not nice.

Take care

S x x x x

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No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.

Pip

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Re: its been a while
« Reply #6 on: April 15, 2013, 06:06:13 PM »
We're the same, there have been a few times I've forgotten to take meds and I'm all over the place then plus my pain gets worse.  I'm very good at being the nag squad for the other half but it's making sure he takes the meds.  If I'm all over the place then I forget to check he's taken his meds.

tharidler

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Re: its been a while
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2013, 04:29:53 PM »
thank you for all your replies it's good to know i'm not alone you would think after all this time we would remember our meds I guess that's another side effect
be well
"It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop!"
-- CONFUCIUS

stewart

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Re: its been a while
« Reply #8 on: April 19, 2013, 06:03:14 PM »
hi there tharidler, totally agree with you on why they call em 'happy pills', if anyone ever does invent a 'happy pill' it will be the holy grail of mental illnesses,
Without Love we are just a handfull of chemicals suspended in water