New here, wanted to explain the problems I've been having.

[stewart]

Jamie is a contraction of James,  that is very true, but jamie or jimmy Bond just dont quite sound the same :)

[kutuup]

Jamie is a contraction of James,  that is very true, but jamie or jimmy Bond just dont quite sound the same :)

Haha can you imagine?

"The name's Bond... Jimbo Bond."

XD

[Catbrian]

Sorry, I just noticed your post just as I'm about to go to bed, I'm knackered!  I will reply tomorrow. Hope you're doing okay

[kutuup]

Hey guys, sorry to report I had a pretty bad day today

So I have this "friend", we hang out sometimes and chat and stuff, but today he's REALLY made me angry.

Me and him know one of our friend's housemates, who happens to be a girl a couple of years younger than us (she's 22) who I quite like and have been chatting with a fair bit.

So today the three of us were chatting on facebook (facebook drama eh? happens all the time ) and out of the blue he says (WARNING: this is pretty graphic) "So James, creampie or bukakke?", literally out of NOWHERE! He does this all the time, too! His idea of humour is just coming out with really overtly sexual and graphic stuff, I swear he's some kind of pervert! So he comes out with that in the middle of a conversation with this girl, who goes silent immediately, and I am just beyond humiliated and immediately tell him to back off since we hardly know this girl and I don't even find that question funny! Don't get me wrong, I love a dirty joke, but that's not even a joke! And we're in a conversation with a girl we barely know! He responds by saying he could describe much worse and then goes on a tirade about how I'm uptight and that what he said isn't rude constantly asking this poor girl if she's offended then laying into me for "being offended for her". So I tell him he's being an embarrassment and he just gets more and more defensive and saying really graphic and sexual stuff like we're supposed to find it funny! I had to start another chat window with this girl to apologise and tell her how embarrassed I was, and she just kinda laughed it off and said don't worry, then went silent.

So I'm left talking to this guy who sees nothing wrong with what he said and acts like I've done something wrong to HIM!

I'm fairly sure he's put this girl off the both of us and made us both look like idiots because he has no idea about what's appropriate to say in a conversation!

Like I said, he does this ALL THE TIME too! Every single thing he says is a sex reference, which is even worse because (and I don't normally make comments on people's appearance) he's HUGE AND GROSS! He never washes, he's grossly overweight and smells terrible! I don't mind if someone's overweight, or even obese, as long as they make an effort to present themselves well and keep clean etc. but this guy doesn't even TRY! He's like some lecherous slob who has an obsession with sex and a temper shorter than a fricking matchstick. I swear I wouldn't be surprised if he turned up on a sex offender's register! I'm not even joking, or saying that to be spiteful, he SERIOUSLY worries me.

I want to apologise for making comments about his appearance, that's never fair, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to get across.

Despite all this, for some reason, he has a fairly big circle of friends! Bigger than the circle I have. However, they're mostly girls, and they nearly all have terribly low self esteem, including his girlfriend, who's a freaking VET, yet thinks he's the best she can do!

I just can't take this guy any more! He's vile! He's rude and obscene and lecherous and yet always makes me feel bad if I call him out on it, like I should feel sorry for him for some reason!

I want to get him out of my life, but I don't know how to get rid of him! So many of my friends are friends with him too, so it's not like I can avoid him! I feel embarrassed being around him, not for the way he looks (even though he doesn't make any effort, constantly has food stains down his front, but I can forgive someone for that), but for how truly gross his personality is!

To top it off, he's INCREDIBLY dense to the point where it's amazing. I'm not going to give examples as that isn't fair and I don't want to give examples that other people might read and feel bad themselves if they don't know something. But trust me, he's supremely stupid.

What can I do? I can't take this guy, I need better friends who are just normal and talk about normal stuff and do normal things and are positive and help me feel positive while I help them feel positive, isn't that what friends do? A lot of my friends can't stand him either, but I feel like I'm stuck with him because I don't have the guts to just tell him he's embarrassed me for the last time and I frankly don't like him.

I just think I was brought up to be a nice guy, and to have good manners, especially when it comes to girls, and being around someone like him who is that rude and ignorant and frankly disgusting just makes me feel bad about myself.

What can I do?

[Got]

Dont bother talking to him, he's a child. His social skills are limited. Thats the only sensible thing that I can think of really.

[kutuup]

It's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks his behaviour is inappropriate :) thanks

[kutuup]

I was actually listening to In My Place by Coldplay earlier and I had an interesting thought. One line goes "how long must you pay for it?". I immediately thought that related to how I always try to be a good person and treat people well, and yet I always seem to "pay" for doing it, it never gets me anywhere. But then I remembered it does with some people, and I don't have to "pay" for being a good person. The people who make you pay for it aren't worth it, I shouldn't be paying for being a good person as if it's a bad thing, I just give my time to the wrong people.

What I'm really paying for is not standing up for myself and saving my good heart (I like to think anyway ) for people who deserve it and appreciate it.

[Got]

Nice guys come first.....its true, and even backed up by loads of genuine evidence.

[kutuup]

Nice guys come first.....its true, and even backed up by loads of genuine evidence.

I think you're right, for example, one of my exes who wasn't exactly pleasant to me to say the least got in touch with me recently after we broke up a long time ago because at the time she said I was too nice and she wanted to just sleep around. Lo and behold she comes back after years of being with some guy who treated her like a sex toy and tried to get back in with me. I took her back as a friend, after all she made a mistake like we all do. But it was a very liberating thing when she told me she wanted me back and I found the self respect to tell her that even though she'll always be my friend, I shouldn't have to pay for her mistake, and I gave her every chance to not make that mistake at the time. She had her chance, and I worked myself sick at the time to help her, but she made her choice. I have to live with the mistakes I've made in life, why shouldn't she? I made it clear that I care about her and will be there for her, but as far as any romantic involvement goes, there was a time when I offered her the chance to be happy and she turned it down. She's my friend and I'll always look out for her, as I told her. But our relationship can't ever be more than that. There was a time and place, but I can't put myself out again to have a relationship with her after she treated me that way.

In the words of Austin Powers:

"That train has sailed"



James

[Catbrian]

It sounds wise not to get involved with someone like that anyway.  Her middle name is 'trouble'

[Pip]

Catching up, sorry, friends like you have described are very annoying.  I've been fortunate that people I have known like that haven't embarrassed me but have cringed when they have done that to other friends.  I know this is easier said than done but try and distance yourself from him.

Good for you for being firm with the ex  0158

[petop86]

Hi James I've read your posts and your still young and I'm sure you will find the right person for you. I lost my job 2 months ago and I'm still unemployed my depression cost me my job. Anyway where do you go to try and meet people I often find when I feel well if I go to the library or the gym or take the dog for a walk that plenty of girls speak to me about stuff yet if I go for a drink up town with friend's nobody talks to me. I hope what I have said has helped and if you ever need somebody to talk to we're all here to help.

[kutuup]

Hi Petop,

Thanks for the response :)

One of my main weaknesses is meeting new people. I'm a bit of a recluse, I generally don't seek out new people because I have this feeling like they're not going to like me or will reject me, even when they are nice to me I always think they must be doing it out of pity or because they think they should be. That's a hard thing to shake off. In my childhood I was surrounded by people who kept me around to feel better about themselves, I was the "funny looking friend" to a lot of people. The problem is, you only realise it when you're in your 20's and think back on how they never treated you as a friend, rather a means to an end. I personally came to realise that to the person I considered my best friend for much of my childhood I was someone he kept around as someone to compare himself positively to. There was no equality, and even today there isn't. So I removed him from my life and went my own way. Sadly removing a lot of the toxic friends from your life can leave you feeling pretty lonely at first, that's the stage I'm at. I'm still looking for people to replace them with, and I've met a lot of people along the way who it hasn't worked out with, but if you look long enough, they're there, at least I hope so.

[Maddymoo]

Just found this on Facebook, apologies in advance for it being pink, it just made me think of your post x

[kutuup]

Thanks Maddy :) I actually really like that shade of pink I think a lot of my problem is not having the courage to cut loose the parts of my life that don't make me happy, I'm sure when I learn to do it ill be a much happier person. I think my parents hold far too much sway in my life, as much as I love them. Even little things like insisting I spend time with old friends whom I have little in common with or disapproving of jobs I apply for because they think I can do better. I probably can do better but they don't seem to understand that with the job market how it is right now I have to take anything I can get really. I think their constant mollycoddling affects my confidence about making my own decisions.