I have been diagnosed as having OCD or pure o as she said!

[Pete]

Hi all
I wasn't too sure where to put this as I began but obviously it is here.

A couple of weeks ago my psych informed me that I was in her opinion not clinically depressed and "most likely" not bipolar despite there being family links to it as in a sibling and possibly my father. She said in her opinion I was suffering from OCD. Now maybe I'm being stupid here because I said I her that I didn't do te compulsive hand washing etc but she said that my main problem was what she referred to as being pure o. Apparently what I assumed was some form of hyperness in my mood is infact my constant intrusive thoughts.

I have been analysing this over the past couple of weeks and I actually believe she is right. Some of the thoughts I don't really want to go into as they are I feel too bad but let me just say they are there.

I just wondered if there is anyone else who has heard of this or maybe has it too?

I had so much to say but now I can't seem to say anything.

[Zaf]

Sorry Pete, I dont know anything about it, I hope someone can help

Z xxx

[Pip]

It's not something I know about.  Did a google search  and came across this link but I am clueless to whether it's relevant http://orthomolecular.org/library/jom/1979/pdf/1979-v08n02-p078.pdf

[Pete]

Thanks both. i was going to  do a bit of research myself but i took a downturn  and basically couldnt be bothered. Hopefully, well i feel a little more able to today  so maybe I will and i'll get back to you with  stuff.

[em89]

Hi
Yes i was also diagnosed as od due to intrusive thoughts. it might seem strange but it is od as they are compulsive thoughts. unfortunately it is not very well known, compared to the health ritual od. you can find information about it on wikipedia and there is a book about it, so it is quite common! i know exactly how you feel with unwanted intrusive thoughts sometimes it is horrible but now when i get them i just let them pass by, it takes a while but you will get there!

[Got]

Hello Pete. The health care you have received is pathetic. I told you months ago that you have OCD, and it has taken this long to receive a diagnosis.  Pure O means OCD with predominantly obsessive traits, i.e. you don't perform overt compulsion such as hand washing. However, if I remember correctly, you check things repeatedly, and so you are not pure O.  I for one believe that there is more to your diagnosis than OCD. You do have it, but your depression is bad.

If you need any help with OCD please ask.

Steve

[Pete]

Hi Stevie

Your not the first to say this infact a friend of mine who has a sister with ocd said to me that I was not pure o but full ocd but I had mainly obsessive thoughts however my compulsions were evident to him and he pointed out certain things such as my going out coat. I bought it quite normal but my coat contains what he called my survival kit. A torch in case I get lost in a dark place my bunch of keys which are not just a bunch of keys but contain one key to everything I may need including a key to mothers house my garage blah blah. I carry my passport in case I need full identification or a sudden trip.

There is much more. At home pictures have to be exact leel, frames must match, shades of wood must be exact shelves are checked for true levels. Carpet pile is fluffed, soap is dried and smoothed after use.

I could go on.

It is true I don't need to wash hands repeatedly or touch things three times etc

My obtrusive thoughts are such that I don't like to go out much. I am embarrassed by some and I fear that at times people can read my mind and know what I am thinking. I avoid certain people due to my thoughts.

Currently I haven't been too bad with the racing mind until last night when it came back with a vengeance. Today so so tired but my head is fast again.

Little things can start it off.

[Got]

Do you fear you will act on the thoughts?

[Pete]

Stevie this is a question that has distressed me on many an occasion and been a source of many a sleepless night.

I can hand on heart say I as a person would never ever act on my thoughts as they are so at away from who I am as a person however I have battled with internal arguments that make me question myself so much that even as I type this my mind is saying are you sure you wouldn't though. Surely to just think some of these things means you may want to carry them out which in turn means you are not as good a person as you believe you are therefore you may possibly carry them out because you are bad to even think them in the first place etc.

Does that make any sense because at times I genuinely think I have gone or am going crazy.

The reason I try to avoid going out isn't to make sure I don't carry out these thoughts as much as I fear people may know what I'm thinking and then see me as the evil person my thoughts make me feel I am. I fear someone somehow finding out my thoughts and then judging me as a bad person out loud in public. Sometimes if I have gone out and the thoughts happen then they feel as if they have taken over and although as I said I know I am not like that I do fear one day why if the thoughts got so powerful that they just took over everything and I did carry them out. How could I ever live with myself again. This then brings on the fear that one day it will happen and then suicidal thoughts appear so as to ensure that that one day never happens by stopping it all now.

Sorry for the crazy answers to a simple question but this is the by fat condensed version of how that question made me think.

[Got]

Ok, you need CBT for this. I have been through all this before....your goal is to learn ho to treat these thoughts as mearely thoughts, it doesn't matter how obscure the thought is, or its nature, it is just a thought. Everybody has them, but in OCD you attach anxiety to them, and they become more and more frequent, and more disturbing in nature. When you learn not to attach anxiety to them, the thoughts decrease and you begin to feel better.

All this rubbish by people saying they have a bit of OCD because they check things or have a few obsessions, they have no idea what they are talking about. What you are describing is real OCD, this is what it is, not what it is portrayed as in the media. Fortunately, you can overcome this, you have the power to do so, all you need to do is learn the CBT techniques. I was warn you now, if you don't do the CBT or at least teach yourself, then you will not get better, so I encourage you to take my advice and do it.

[Pete]

This is what I was doing with my psych last time but she left in I think it was October maybe September I can't recall and was supposed to be referring me to a colleague but nothing since.

It was all about the cycle and how to break it. I did start to go out with someone else but a few times panic took over and I have actually been arrested for assault after I lost control.

I would like I say it comes and goes but to be honest it's always here just at varying degrees of severity. It can get very depressing and distressing and I have found myself doing things recently that are not really in my nature as I feel it has got more severe these past couple of years following my sisters death. I assumed it was grief but when discussing thins with my psych she asked how long I had felt like this with the images and what I call cini camera mind ( fast flickering images constantly in my head) I have even foud myself saying stop out loud of late when they get to much which I have never done before I feel a bit daft but needless to say they don't stop.

I can go off on one as I say over anything silly and ramble where eventually it will turn into something sinister. There have been violent thoughts, sexual thoughts and often the two combined as well as just anything that I can turn Ito a major issue. It's really tough of late and sleep is a thing of the past as if I close my eyes it seems to magnify it all so I try to stay awake as much as possible and keep busy by doing anything to stop my mind wandering even down to counting the dots in a pattern or just counting. I won't say that the counting is part of the ocd but more a way for me to try to stop the thoughts by thinking of something else but then it turns out that I don't say the number after 12 in case saying it makes something bad happen. Silly I know but that is how it's got. Lately I don't count because I'm scared that maybe in another country another number is bad luck and I don't know so I don't count just in case because the bad lol may originate from another country who knows eh.

Better safe than sorry

[Got]

The counting is a compulsion, you are doing it to try to reduce the anxiety, but in relaity it will make the anxiety worse because compulsions never ever work.

I know what you are going through, I developed OCD as a toddler, Ive had it my whole life, but now I have very violent intrusive thoughts and I actually laugh at how odd they are, they no longer cause me anxiety.....thats what you are aiming for, it is entirely possible for you to take control over this. Try getting some books about the CBT methods and put it into practice. I had very severe OCD and now I am the master of it, not the other way around.

[Pete]

Sometimes I think I may be able to beat it but most times especially when the depression sets in or things have got bad for other reasons such as a bill comes or the like then I feel as if the world will end and its my fault so to speak. My psych reckons I didn't have depression though because for the few weeks he saw me I wasn't too bad. I wish I could accept that but on a bad day things are really bad.

[Catbrian]

I have just read this thread and my heart goes out to you, Pete.  I hope things are not too bad

[Jon]

Two words. Mindfulness meditation.
Working for me.