How do you cope with work?

[Flea]

Hi,

As above really, unless you are off sick due to your depression.

I'm finding work more and more unbearable.  Getting up in the morning to go to work is becoming an absolute ordeal - I feel anxious, panicky and very tearful.  I just want to crawl back in bed and sleep the day away.

I've nearly used all my annual leave, and tend to book last minute time off when I am feeling really bad (worse that usual).  I work from home once a fortnight (as this is company culture), but I still find it hard to get motivated and end up procrastinating, then putting myself under pressure to get work completed.  I have odd days off sick here and there, which really doesn't look good.

I don't know if it is the job, or the depression that is causing the way I feel about work.  I suspect it is the depression, as I often sleep a lot of the time when I am off work too, rather than motivate myself to do something productive.

Does anyone else feel this way?  How did you make the necessity of having to work whilst depressed more bearable?

Please help .

[Marie1991]

I get this aswell, but with college. I get days where I wake up and all I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. When I get back from college or work at the weekends its the only thing I do. Its a really bad habit I got into but I'm really really trying to get out of it. Trying to set my mind on completeing work or going out with friends or go out for a long walk to clear my mind- which sometimes does work because I feel like a can breath.

Its tough, I understand how you feel. xx

[turquoise]

It is difficult to hold down a job while suffering form depression I gave up a promising nursing career cause I couldnt cope and am only now admiting to myself that my depression was the reason.  I now work two nights a week in a bar which is good as I made a good friend and have nice customers, who put up with me nagging them lol.  I now realise I have been suffering from depression in different degrees for about thirty years.  Im sorry there is no easy answer and sometimes I found it more scary going to work than actually being there.  Have you spoken to your GP about this and I dont know what type of work you do but is there a sympathetic Occupational Health department, that could maybe organised some reduced hours for you till you are stronger.  I hope things get better for you as I too remember the total dread to go into work and the feeling of relief when my days off came.

Hugs

[Zaf]

Work has often been the cause of my depression

[Pina911]

Flea

I feel exactly the same as you. I am really struggling with work at the moment and indeed for the last 2 years since I was off for 6 months due to depression. I too have days off sick and then that worries me even more as it does look bad.

I was off all last week as I had got myself into a mess on Sunday, suffering from dizzyness and suspect this is due to the thought of work on Monday. I had recovered but then on Sunday past I felt bad again but made myself go into work.

I try to set goals on a daily basis so that I have something to achieve. This doesnt always work and I am easily distracted from what I should be doing. I am lucky as my boss is not on top of me and I can bluff that I am doing enough even though I know myself that I am capable of doing a lot more.

I also feel trapped where I am due to financial commitment which doesnt help as I dont feel I have the option of giving up my job. I am currently looking for something else but there isnt really much out there at the moment. Not sure it would help anyway.

I have been trying to do things at home in the evening and have started working on bikes, lawnmowers etc in the garage at night and this is helping me.

Perhaps if you could find some interest outside work it may help you too. 

[Beetzart]

I couldn't cope with work and the people.  Been off since April with depression and won't be going back there, well to that particular contract.  Don't know what else they will offer me as they keep hanging things out.  I'm looking for a more office based occupation with nice colleagues.  Although I expect depression will ruin things as always. It always comes to sit on my shoulder and whisper in my ear how dreadful I am.  I imagine it as some black ethereal spectre that lives in an abstract dimension from another Universe curled up in some tiny dimension inside an electron buzzing around some redundant nucleus.  Hence the reason why I can't plug it.  Like, for no reason, I get cosmogonically injected with some dark substance that ravishes my inner being.  That's why I get fed up.  Trying to understand everything is impossible because everything is grey and I've waffled on too much.  Sorry.

[Flea]

Pina911, you could be me!

I have a hobby outside of work and to be completely honest, I think it has saved me from locking myself away and recoiling from the world.  I have a horse and am responsible for him.  He is one thing that makes me smile. 

I think my feelings towards work changed after I had 3 months off following my breakdown in 2009.  Prior to that, I was a high achiever.  At the end of 2008, I had been awarded Colleague of the Year and I was the only person in my department of 45 to received a 'distinguished' rating for my performance, and was rewarded well financially.  That same year I had miscarried, lost my Aunt to cancer (who had been my Mother figure after losing Mum in 2003) and my other lovely horse after a long battle with his health.  I never thought of work as a cause of my depression, more a tool to deflect the hurt I was feeling in my personal life.  Maybe I was wrong?

Now I can't bring myself to perform to the same standards.  I am exhausted, as I don't sleep well, so can't concentrate.  I procrastinate all the time, instead of making things happen.  'Doing well' is something I have always had inside me, but now I just don't care.  I don't think that my colleagues respect me in the way they once did since I finally admitted that I suffer from depression.  That might be me being paranoid though.  But I need to work to earn.

Living like this is awful - I really don't know what to do.  I can't quit, as I need the money.  And everything I've tried to help me sort the depression has not helped enough to stop the excruciating anxiety I feel in the morning when I have to get up to work.

It's bad to feel this way when the economy is as it is and people are unemployed.  So confusing.

[Pina911]

Flea

Sounds like we are a right pair :-)

Recently I have not had the same interest in my work that was once there. I used to nearly live in the place and guess my work life balance suffered due to this. Now i am first out the door at finishing time and when there is extra work to be done I try not to get involved. i used to work nearly every weekend and late evenings and sometimes wouldnt be home at all.

This didnt help with homelife and think it affected my wife (now EX) and kids. Now I try to spend more time at home with my new partner and also spend more time with the kids when I see them. This isnt easy either as after a week at work I am really tired so have to make an extra effort to be with them. Doesnt always work that way but I do try.

Last night I spent some time with my son in the garage showing him how to rebuild a lawnmower engine. Neither of us had done it before and it was fun to do. Thank goodness for google though :-)

I am not sure if I will ever get back to the way I was and think to do it at my current workplace would be difficult as I think people do see me in a different way now than they did before. perhaps thats all in my mind but its certainly the way it feels. Hence considering a new job but would this solve the problem......  Not sure.

I would love nothing more than to just say to hell with everything and just give up work but I dont think that help me long term either.

I totally understand what you are going through and I think we are both in the same situation.

[Pip]

Fortunately what I do is mainly voluntary so I can work when it suits me and some of it is online anyway.  I help my husband as well and he works from home so even on bad days we can usually cope.

[Stacey]

At first it was unbareable. I got signed off for 7 weeks which had mixed reactions with me. Eventually I went back and 17 months later I am still finding myself acting out the Stacey that I expect people will like and get on with which won't make me stand out. It's really hard and sometimes I crack and am really short tempered. Things influence my mood far too easily. Its hard xx

[hopeful]

Hi Flea,

When I first joined the forum, like you I was also asking how people were coping with work. I so identify with everything you said. I was struggling out of bed, wanted to crawl under the duvet and die, crying on the journey in, crying in the bathroom during the day on a regular basis.

I subsequently had a nervous breakdown and have been off work for a couple of months. Financial, social pressures and also personal career aspirations, were a big part of why I carried on when I strongly suspected I wasn't able to.

So I suppose the answer to your question is, we don't really cope unless we find the right support at the time we need it. Maybe you just need to take the time to get better and work will feel ok again, or maybe work is causing your depression (which it did for me). I haven't yet figured out the answer to the latter option....

x

[Munchroom]

I couldn't cope with work and the people.  Been off since April with depression and won't be going back there, well to that particular contract.  Don't know what else they will offer me as they keep hanging things out.  I'm looking for a more office based occupation with nice colleagues.  Although I expect depression will ruin things as always. It always comes to sit on my shoulder and whisper in my ear how dreadful I am.  I imagine it as some black ethereal spectre that lives in an abstract dimension from another Universe curled up in some tiny dimension inside an electron buzzing around some redundant nucleus.  Hence the reason why I can't plug it.  Like, for no reason, I get cosmogonically injected with some dark substance that ravishes my inner being.  That's why I get fed up.  Trying to understand everything is impossible because everything is grey and I've waffled on too much.  Sorry.

^^ This. 100%

I had to give up work for nearly a year because I couldn't cope - I was struggiling with agrophobia so work was pretty much out of the question! I had a long battle with the DWP to get any sort of financial help because they are rubbish at recognising mental illnesses as 'real' and then when I did get Employment & Support Allowance they only allow it for twelve months. If you go back to work for over 16 hours a week after this time then you get a back to work credit so that is what I had to do in order to have enough money to live off.

I started back full time in April. Two nights a week, 20 hours. At first it was ok, but now I am really really struggiling. I can't cope with the bitchyness or the backstabbing, I am not confident in the work that I do even though I am constantly told I am good at it and have done all my training...  I'm anxious before a shift and an emotional wreck the day afterwards - so thats four days or a week wiped out and then I start getting anxious about next week....  

Having said that though, I'm not sure I would be any better if I gave it up altogether. Going to work - as hard as it is - makes me see people and be sociable. I am very lucky in that one of my bosses is very supportive having been through depression herself and the lady I work with on nights the most is quite a good friend and can recognise instantly when I am struggiling. I'm not sure I could cope at all if the situation was any different.

[Flea]

I've approached work about reducing my hours to 4 days for the short term.

I think if I got signed off for any particular period, I'd just end up stewing at home and only going out when I have to.

Although I struggle in the mornings and feel absolutely awful, at least I'm mixing with people and not sat at home alone.

Not sure what the answer is to the way I feel, but I can only try different things and see what happens...

[hopeful]

Good idea Flea, I hope your application is successful. Just wondering given that you feel so bad in the mornings if it's worth asking for different hours - maybe keep 5 days but go in later when you've had more sleep and time to compose yourself. Have you talked to Occupational Health? x

[Flea]

Good idea Flea, I hope your application is successful. Just wondering given that you feel so bad in the mornings if it's worth asking for different hours - maybe keep 5 days but go in later when you've had more sleep and time to compose yourself. Have you talked to Occupational Health? x

Hi.  Work are happy to consider my application :)

I really don't think going in later would help, because I'd have to work late too and be left on my own.  Occupational Health have been involved before and were useless!  No idea at all about depression!