I want to die, my mind is going

[Got]

You have been doing the right thing by going to hospital, this depression will not last the extreme negative feelings about yourself and the world around you are a part of the depression, and they are perceptions only. Try to treat them as such and remember that you will get better. This depression will not last, you will improve and be glad to be alive. Suicide is the worst thing that you can possibly do.

Take care,

Steve

[Owl]

How are you feeling today? I hope you're getting some more help and support and that things are improving a little.

Fox
XxX

[ferry1995]

Feeling a lot worse this morning, gradually the world is slipping away more, My parents are coming back in 7-8 hours time so I feel that's something to hold on to but I still feel i'm gradually losing it, i'm forgetting things and nothing "feels" the same, Any coping strategies for this, will meds help? I'm seeing my psych who will reccomend some meds on monday, but it's just holding out until then.

[Owl]

Before coming into hospital and up until about a week ago I had similar feelings. I would walk into a room and nothing would feel or look right. I didn't even feel right and struggled to decide whether things or indeed I was real. This is called depersonalisation and disociation (the latter I have spelled completely wrong). Apparently this can be a side effect of some medications or a symptom of mental illness. It can be really scary and I really feel for you, having experienced this myself.

I found that trying to distract myself from things and trying not to think about it too much helped. Even little things like going for a brisk walk and feeling the wind on your face can help - It kind of reminds you that things are real. Try doing something exhilerating!

I hope those feelings subside soon.

Fox
X

[ferry1995]

Did this eventually clear up, just the world is feeling darker and darker... even at my more lucid phases things feel like they are slipping away..

last night I felt normal, but now I feel like hell, what's going on :/

[Owl]

Well, I had really deep depression with psychotic features and those feelings were just part of it, I guess. It seems to have "cleared up" but I don't know whether that is because, as my doctor describes it, I have flipped to the other extreme and now feel completely fantastic about anything.

Be careful which medications you are willing to take if this is a big problem for you as some psychiatric medications can actually compound or even cause this problem. I know when I took quetiapine I was just so confused by the world and whether it was real or not. I know it's really scary. I hope you feel a bit better soon. I know it's so scary to feel you've lost control of yourself and the world around you.

Fox
X

[ferry1995]

All the doctors i've spoken to seem to reccomend citalopram, any experience of this? I've responded very well to medication in the past for my anxiety, so if nothing else. i'm holding onto this, but It really is going to be a long weekend, just mustered up the energy to have a shower and now i'm going for a run and a smoke ( unfortunately i've started again ) 

[Owl]

Citalopram was the first med I every tried, almost 3 years ago. However at the time I had very bad anxiety which got worse upon starting it. It also resulted in me not sleeping for days on end, losing a lot of weight and generally being a big wreck. I mean, things got quite out of control and weird. After that I've never been allowed another SSRI until my dr tried sertraline but to the same end. I couldn't even sit still.

However, that is my personal experience. Unlike you I have never reacted very well to medication and it usually sends me loopy or makes me worse. So hopefully it will be different for you, especially if you've responded so well in the past!

I'm so glad you're managing to go for a run! I've been going to the gym a lot whilst in here. I think if you could put exercise in a pill everyone would want to be prescribed it. It does so much good for your mental and physical wellbeing.

Fox
X

[Sweetpea]

I just wanted to say its quite normal to feel good at certain times of the day and bad at other times. Mornings have always been the worst time of day for me and by the evening I feel a different person. We all differ with medications as well what works for one does not work for another. Also most anti-depressants can make you feel worse before things gradually improve. Take care. S x x x x

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[Pip]

I was on Citalopram 40mg but after a while it didn't work and my doctor took me off it so now I'm not taking anything.  I agree with Shaz over certain times of the day being harder to deal with depression.

[ferry1995]

Thanks for all the responses guys, the last 3 hours have been hell, I went for a run and left feeling like a wreck, the world feels even more disconnected, and even worse, i'm beginning to feel disconnected, I rang the samaritans who seemed utterly baffled about my problems and reccomended I go back on the 20mg of clomipramine I came off 2 weeks ago ( surely the only reason I can feel like this ) I think the only thing keeping me holding on is the fact it's only 5 hours until my parents get back, and perhaps I can say goodbye to them one last time with me being in the right state of mind, I'm really starting to miss health anxiety, and I guess some valium would be good, Basically there's no going back from here, I don't think it... I know it.

[Sweetpea]

Can you get to A & E? If you feel this bad you need some help. Please take care. S x x x x

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[ferry1995]

I've been to A+E 3 days consecutively, it doesn't help.... I'm out of options

[Sweetpea]

Sorry was just concerned for you. Just wish you could get some help. At least you can post here and we will listen (((( hugs )))). S x x x x

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[ferry1995]

Thanks guys, I know there's nothing anyone can do, so i'm just making peace with myself, my relatives and with god ( I've never been religious ) before I lose my mind....