No goals, No motivation, uninspired and what it means to be a man?

[JokerPodCast]

I no longer feel motivated by "goals" (I dont have any at the min.) I see them as a chore, another task to be completed. I literally have to force myself to do them. I cant even remember why I wanted those "goals" in the first place, they feel like a burden and I feel lousy even when I do them more than they inspire me. My problem is I find it very difficult to find a goal worth fighting for and I give in and give up to quickly if I dont enjoy what I'm doing. I usually give in to others because I dont want to fight which makes me a nice guy to be around but inside I feel alone and unwanted.

I have no ideas either about how to help myself.

My emotions are non-existent, due to thinking critically and picking reason over emotion. I pretend to be happy around others because thats what is expected of me, to be the strong man, and boys dont cry.

A man does not fear failure, does not make excuses, takes responsibility, a duty to become his best self, acknowledges his Limitations, even as he strives to overcome them, suppresses his emotions.

A man meets and surpasses the expections of others, it is this expection that makes me feel depressed.

Now I work a dead end job, the blank stare into ceilings in the morning, a feeling comes rushing over me, this despair, emptiness in the pit of my stomach, this stuck feeling and then BAM like I just been hit my a cold bucket of water, the realisation that I will never make it in poker. What the hell was I thinking? just another dreamer, another broke donk, a guy you never heard off, a guy you never knew, nor want to know.

I have nothing to look forward to, the life I know is to work hard and pay bills, I drive a crappy car, live in a crappy house with rats in the roof space I can here them crawling at night over my bed.

What can I amount to in life, lets see a resentful husband? a downtrodden worker? a depressed loner? I am nothing, worthless, if all that I do is work then whats the point, and I cant play because I am not good enough. Stuck in limbo, not living life but not dead either, just here. Always here, looking from the outside in, not notcied, not touched, not wanted, not missed, and not heard.

Recently I only cared about money, now its got to the point that I dont even care about that anymore because there is nothing I want, there is nothing you can offer me, nothing to do with all your stength, I love that film, Joker is cool, isnt he? I mean if I could be one guy, Joker would be him. I cant talk like one of you, because I'm not, even when I like to to be, to you I'm just a donk who has been marked as sucker, free chips at the table, dead money, dead man.

[JokerPodCast]

Sick of Living, Unwilling to Die

[mrmoody]

The very fact that you hold a dead end job shows to me that you havent given up. I know it pays the bills etc. I dont do a great job, I wash pots in a restraunt but after 2 years unemployed I am just glad to have it. Its not rocket sciened and last weekend the machine was slow so all the pots and dishes started piling up and I was frustrated. Its not too bad working there as its a small place and the staff I work with are good which makes all the difference.

I feel a worthless no-body too, I can relate to what you write. We havent given up completely though and decided to sit on the dole doing nothing. I too want a goal but dont know what and often lack the motivation or willpower to do it. I think you really have to find something you really like and then it doesnt become a chore. Could you look for alternative job? My job is dead end too but the staff I work with make it easier to work there and I dont have to deal with the customers and have my own little work area which helps. It doesnt have to be the most amazing job but just not something you detest. Then perhaps you could set small goals each day to do, maybe something you enjoy like a hobby?

Depression saps our will I know, we feel worthless and crap about ourselves and it takes away our pleasure and motivation in doing things. I doubt you are worthless you are just finding it hard to see what you are good at. And as someone who was homeless recently I admire you for having a car/house/job and keeping them.

Alex

[JokerPodCast]

Ever since I went to high school. The realisation that hard work was required to make it in life, having fun didnt even get a look in, because what is fun? Next came college both during the day and at night as well as working part time in McDs on weekends, fun? what is that again.

My GF doesnt understand, she has her own problems (who also has depression), when I say "I feel depressed" her immediate reaction is "Is it because of me?" I then spend the next 30mins trying to reassure her that Im not depressed because of her in any way or anything that she has done, and what we end up doing is talking about her (because she is so emotional) and her problems.

As for me, Im the opposite Im not emotional enough, I feel indifferent like all the time, I can settle for less, I can make do, for example I could live in a box with a mat on the floor to sleep on and one sink to wash dishes and myself, and a cooker and maybe a TV, thats it kid, thats all I need anything else is not an necessity, its a luxury and I dont want those luxuries because they come with extra burdens i.e how do you pay and maintain them, also those luxuries dont actually bring anything of value to me in my life. Whats the opposite of materialsim? I stopped chasing after things a long time ago, fancy car? **** that ****, hoilday? no thanks sir, big house? why the **** would I want that?

So what can life offer a person who doesnt want anything, when said person doesnt value anything? Nothing has any value to me, why is life better than no life?

I have low expectations or should I say I have no expectations, take the other day for example I was walking to shop on my break this car pulled over this irish gypsy called me over, he said "hey do you want to buy a camera?" right away I knew it was stolen, LDO dodgy looking guy, selling a camera, just at random, I said Im not interested, "Help me out man, I need the cash for petrol, I need to make the airport", "Thats different, if you need money to get to airport, I can give you that" so I give him £40" (BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANYTHING) he looked at me puzzled, and drove off. Im the nicest guy you ever meet, I will give you the shirt off my back and I wont ask you for a ****ing thing.

You see once you stop caring about money and stuff, you just stop caring about everything else. At the end of the day life is not worth the hassle with little to no reward for your efforts, its the greatest goof of all time, work hard so you can live another day, (just to work hard next day) *clap clap clap* my ****ing hero!

Yes I have done CBT, its just empty positive thinking IME. Its about thinking errors cant be bothered to go into detail.

I feel tricked by society, if I had knew what I know now back then I wouldnt have left home. Because Im not missing out on anything buddy!

I feel depressed due to the expectations of others on me, a certain social norm, rules, laws, that I have to adhere to and obey, hang on a ****ing minute, I never agreed to any - ANY of those rules, oh I see beause I live in the counrty its immediately assumed I will be a good boy and do what Im told.

Life, society whatever you want to call it, has NOTHING, nothing to threaten me with, nothing to offer me, I have nothing so you cant take anything away from me either, even if I did have something, please.............oh pretty ****ing please come and take it, take my empire of dirt.

And I have nothing, NOTHING to offer anyone.

You - yes YOU, you own me through and through, and.........and I dont care, I dont care if you win, I dont care if you are smarter than me, stronger than me, better off than me, I dont care if I seem a fool, I cant be like you, even if I wanted to be.

The problem is choice, not only do I have too much choice but the inability to pick something. Because with choice comes comparisons, the ability to compare the choice you made from the one you could have made, and that leads to a feeling of dissatisfaction or disappointment because its easy to imagen a better choice.

Not only is the problem choice and comparisons, but its also being forced to choose, be it peer pressure.

Pick a job/career, ummm dont want one, but you have to pick well okay if I have to... that one then, seems a good idea at the time to study my choosen career but I know the truth, it didnt matter what I picked if I had of been a journalist, banker or whatever, because all of them are the same, they are just a means to an end.

[Zaf]

If there is anything you're interested in have you thought of finding work in that sphere?

[JokerPodCast]

What is fun? What is a hobby? then mean nothing to me.

[Zaf]

I didnt say fun or a hobby, its very difficult to do anything at all, even things you like when depressed but if you hate your job finding one you dislike less would be a tep in the right direction

[JokerPodCast]

I hate every job. There is nothing I like.

[mrmoody]

I cant define whats fun, only for myself. I meant having small goals, not money or career or materialistic goals. Yes I agree materialism is quite empty, I could happily live with just a few possesions and I have done at certain times in my life, all I have had is the back on my back and thats it. Some of the happiest times was just having that and out working on remote farms as a volunteer up in the Highlands of Scotland.
I didnt say your a hero for working, I just meant that I respect you for just getting on with it and not going sitting on your ass all day watching daytime telly like some people I know. I can only say that find a job that less soul destroying, not for money or material gain but just for living expenses.

Its hard to see any point anymore in anything when depression gets really bad. Like what is the point of it all. Could you work part time and do some volunteer work instead? Something you might find abit of satisfaction in? I dont know about hobbies, I feel the same way sometimes, I go in for something then lose interest after a short while.

[JokerPodCast]

recently I have been trying to get involved in charity events. I worked at soup kitchen, 30miles away from where I live. I dont get it TBH, why would I help out other people for free? I done it a couple times now I just dont see the attraction in it.

Anyone do volunteer work/charity work? If so I would like to know more about what you do and how you feel about it. When ever I do it I feel like a sucker.

[Zaf]

Yes I have done and still do occasionally because I like helping people

[mrmoody]

it depends. Sometimes I have done volunteering work and felt quite satisfied. I worked in a homeless soup run one Christmas to stop me being at home on my own and feeling self-pity. I worked recently as a volunteer in an office while I was unemployed and it gave me some structure and something to do, so I felt abit of self worth. I volunteered on farms in remote Scotland in exchange for food and lodgings  and it was one of my happiest times.

[JokerPodCast]

volunteer work is not for me I guess i didnt enjoy it all.

[darkangel1979]

I know exactly how you feel...ive played by the rules, been a man, done the right thing and now im just so tired, so broken, so unable to do it anymore. I quit my job as it made me feel soo sick and anxious on my way to work-nothing should make me feel that bad, nothing.

Im seeing a doctor today and probably going back on prozac too (which i do not feel good about, it feels like a failure, i feel like a failure).

I cant work as a chef anymore..i just cant...i just wish everyone would leave me alone-i didnt ask to be here and to live in this horrible world.

just read this back and now i feel guilty, like im whinging, weak, pathetic...

[JokerPodCast]

The real point that Im trying to make is that all my hard work got me nothing of value, nothing that I wanted.

so my question is why go through all that had work for nothing?

Its beyond stupid.