Hi there.
this might be a bit long, so roll on a fat one or crack open a beer :)
I met this wonderful girl less than a year ago. she was loving, caring, affectionate, beautiful, etc, etc... it ticked all the boxes and possibility more. she is everything i wanted in a woman.
The first two months were absolutely wonderful. But about half way through, i noticed something strange happening.
she used to say things like she was crazy and i wouldn't want to get inside her mind, otherwise i wounldn't get out alive... on sunday evenings she started to cry for no apparent reason and she said it was because her mum died a couple of years ago.
when we had our initial conversations i mentioned that i suffered from depression for a while which led me to split with my ex. She mentioned that she also did suffer from depression in the past after her mother died but then she recovered from it.
however, one day when we went out for dinner, she started to cry and told me she was still suffering from depression and taking medication. she said that I was a great person that made her feel happy again and that she started slowly to reduce the dosage of her medication.
I was surprised when i heard but immediatly offered my unconditional support.
things then started to slow down... the affectionate moments were less, sex drive reduced, communication issues started to appear and text messages were less exciting and loving.
i noticed these changes and asked her what was going on... she said she didn't know whay she was shutting down.
She was not very happy at work, she doesn't earn much and lives with her dad. on my side things aren't great either. i live in work accomodation where there isn't much privacy and I can't move out because i'm paying off some debts until the end of the year.
just after two months after we became "official" she had a meltdown and wanted to break up... she hadn't taken the AD's for 3 days! the next day she apologized and was sorry to put me through this.
the meltdowns started to come up more often, but less intense. Sex almost disappeared and the affection too. it went from long kisses to just one peck in the lips in the morning and before going to bed and holding hands on the street.
she has low self esteem, she doesn't like herself, practically no friends and very low social life.
she used to say often that i would be better off with someone else and that there are people better than her. she says "sorry for shutting down - it's not you".
she has a lot on her plate now (cousin with depression and suicidal attempts, a father (a nice person) which is a bit conservative and doesn't help her, actually her relies on her a bit too much, no job satisfaction, no own place to live and a shaky financial situation.
she gets angry often now and takes her anger on me. talks down to me (but never insulting) and allways highlights when i do something wrong (even the smallest thing) and is very impatient. however, when she feels bad, I am the one she talks to about her problems, fears, anger, etc.
i try to help ou in every possible way, but still duno what to do. she started her normal dosage of medication but there has been no improvements at all... she went for a conselling assessment 3 months ago and she has been called in to a proper session now, but it seems that the consellour tries to make an appointment when my girlfriend isn't available! she seems reluctant to the conselling too as she had a few sessions a long time ago and she hated them and says that make her worse!
I behaved a bit this way with my ex and I now realize how bad I was... but to be fair, I wasn't happy with my previous relationship before my depression and comparing the two girls, when this one is well, she is so much better than my ex by miles!
FOr some reason, i managed to get out of depression, but i guess that my personality allowed me to change my mind about things. but not everyone is like that!
she nows i love her and I would like to have a future with her. she says she can't commit to anything while she is in this state. she hates being like this.
i just don't understand why someone in this condition can be a bit mean to someone that seems to be the only person that listens to her and gives support (me) and deprives the relationship of almost everything a relatioship is made of, hates feeling this way and yet doesn't go forward with therapy! (she seems to be nice and smiley to everyone else... but not as much with me!
I'm very confused and dunno what to do... I feel like whatever I do to her makes no difference and that i have no meaning in her life.
on the other hand, I don't want to leave her because i have this feeling that once her house, job and money situation improves she'll get better. i also think that when she gets counselling she gets better too...
My father was married for 25 years with a woman (after my mother) that suffered from Depression and OCD... she was terrible and don't understand how he coped! he died of alzheimer a couple of months ago, 8 years after he was diagnosed. when he died, my girlfriend changed to her old self for about a week when I was grieving and she was absolutely outstanding, just the was she was in the begining of our relationship.