Depressed girlfriend

[orangelive]

Hi guys... I'm really desperate, i dunno what to do. It has become worse and she said horrible things to me. She said she hadn't enjoyed the relationship for a while and she p kneed ssinf one to get out occasionally and have dinner. I feel crap j cried and asked her what the hell happened to her... Where was thi fabulous , loving, caring and lively person I met? She talks down to me and isn't cope with it. She doesn't give a &$%+ for my feelings anymore and if I react the same way she does, she becomes offended. I can't win... If she isn't happy, why she doesn't dump me?

[Sweetpea]

I really don't know what to say to help. I just know depression is a horrible illness and we do take it out on the ones nearest to us. S x x x x

[Zaf]

Shaz is right, we can be really horrible without meaning to

Z xxx

[mamalou]

SOrry you are being put through all this. I'm not really able to suggest anything very helpful but sending moral support.

x

[orangelive]

Well... We are on holidays with her dad in the most exotic place. Beautiful and relaxing... Except her company! I feel that I'm having holidays with my old boss: awkward, not much to talk and serious. I regret I've spent all this money on a trip that is turning out to be boring and sad.
She now seems to pick things and get me to overreact... She knows that I have sometimes a bit of a short fuse and she pulls the right switches and I then get annoyed. It really feels like she does it on purpose.
All if you say to wait and to be there for her... Well, how? As a friend or as a boyfriend? Because our "relationship" is nothing more than a Facebook status. You all mention your partners have been there for you... But you were married to them And when you get married, you are committed to that person. By the comments I read, it sounds like her case is a hard one... I get more and more thoughts about ending the relationship because I know she can't deal with it at the moment.
I am fed up of being mistreated and don't deserve it. I do love her and don't see myself with anyone else... But if she doesn't do something about her condition, I'm afraid I have no option than having a break from our relationship and give her some space and wait until she recovers

[Amanda]

Have you said all of this to her? Xxx

[orangelive]

Absolutely everything except having a break on the relationship. We talked again and she says she thinks she is not cut out for a relationship.
I told her she must start treatment because her current conditions affecting her and the way she deals with things. And because of that, it is affecting the relationship at the end if the day.
She even made a gross joke that I would make a nice lady boy, because I occasionally I put my hand Immy hips! I told her I don't like jokes like that and don't want her to repeat them! Because of this remark, I lost any hope!

[Sweetpea]

This is hard for you. I think that possibly a break for a while may be the best thing. It may be what she needs to get the help she needs. S x x x x

[orangelive]

well... holiday nightmare.
i'm stuck another week with her and her father (he is alright though) and she is still unpleasant. cold and occasionally with crap remarks. sometimes i remeber a funny situation in my mind or joke and she immediatly fires out and asks why am I laughing.
My mind is a mess. i'm constantly thinking about how our relationship turned this way and can't switch off. i find that i talk to myself a lot more than before, i can't concentrate and sometimes my speech is a bit clumsy... all due to this bloody relationship. I feel that my own sanity is at risk... i feel crap, worse than last year before i split up with my ex.
last night, she told me she was sorry and didn't know why she was being like that... she said that probably that's the way she is and that she need sometime on her own for a while after we land in the UK. i Agreed and she said "wow that's bad isn't it?" i said, not really, if this is what we need at the moment. she was more normal in the evening, and even talked from her first relationship when she used to cook amazing food, but her ex never appreciated it and therefore knocked down all her confidence. to me, all she is suffering now started from that relationship.
My mind is set now to have a break from the relationship and give her the space... I was going to tell her last night, but she said it first, which kinda relieved me because I didn't know who to put it nicely to her.
let's see how it goes and hopefully it will improve my mind, which is in a mess at the moment because of her!

[sad sack]

My honest thought.... Walk away.

If not for good, at least for a few days.

When you get back from the holiday, take some time for yourself, get away from her.

I think 2 things may happen:

1) you'll feel much better.

2) she'll miss you.

Of course these could be reversed... But better to find out the truth, make a decision and move on.

Good luck with whatever you do.... Not nice to hear about this, I'm usually on the other side mind you

:thumb:

[tracey01]

Orange I know exactly how you feel I'm going through a similar situation at the moment (see my 'frustrating' topic in the relationship forum.  It's absolutely heartbreaking to see your loved one like this isn't it?! I've kind of learnt to take it day by day now - but luckily I think he is coming out of his as we're having more good than bad days.  It has got to so many points this last few weeks where I've wanted to walk out but haven't as I feel that would make it worse.  When he wanted space I just avoided him like the plague and did my own stuff- I hated it and cried every time- but had to be done! Mind has called me so many things and even suggested he's seeing someone else, this has made me again question why the hell I'm still here - bottom line I love him too much and I can see this isn't him!

My advice is give her all the space she wants and take it day by day.  I reckon she'll miss you when you're not around and thatll make her think.  Good luck it's so so hard isn't it xx

[behasty]

Hi,
I have been there before during my time in the army in fact I really feel sorry for anyone suffering from depression because its not an easy thing to cope with and the problem here was that any medication that I took had an impact on me until I was introduced to a programme which made me whom I am today,the reason I am here is to help people overcome depression because its not very good thing at all,I will advice anyone going through depression to take this program http://6979a6t2jq6lfo4fnipupmez9n.hop.clickbank.net/  Its the best natural way of curring depression

[orangelive]

Hi Tracey. I read your post before I posted mine as I felt you were going through the same feelings as me.
We had another argue and I think I pushed over the edge this time. I continued to ask what happened for her to be like this and she said she doesn't know. She thought that having a new relationship ( when she started with me over 9 months ago) she would have her problems sorted out. it happens she feels that it actually made her problems worse and she feels she is better on her own. She says that my idea of a break would mean the end and wouldnt solve our relationship... She was the one who suggested the break to start with!!!!
I carried I asking if she didn't feel the sand about me, why wasn't she more straight forward and told me face to face, instead of denying me of everything that makes up for a relationship and leaving me wondering what happened and that something wrong with me? She said, she still doesn't know what it is (her condition, medication, changing of feelings, etc) but if I wanted an answer, she would say its over between us.
From the stories she told me about her last long term relationship, she did the same thing... Dragged on for several years with it until her ex put her over the edge and she finally ended it.
So, I guess that her problems are HUGE and she can't cope with relationships...
She is seeing a counsellor next week, when we will be on a indefinite break, and let's see if she will start to miss me or not... I really love her, but I'm afraid I'm not tailored to have a relationship with someone with a mental illness like depression. I feel really sorry for them, but I don't want to end up like my father... He died 3 months ago from Alzheimer's and his wife had depression and OCD... I witnessed the horrors of her moods and how he coped with it. I used to stay with them in the summer when i was a child and it affected me to the point I cant deal with people with mood swings...
I'm not being Heartless or anything... I dealt with it in the past the hard way and don't want to end up like my self... Unhappy and with no life...
I welcome all your comments

[orangelive]

Well... The rows continued and we ran out of patience with each other. She said there is no point in having a break so it's best to finish, with no possibility in being friends and no contact either! Im gutted! Cant believe what is hdppening! We are in Thailand and stuck with each other! She says it's not the depression talking, it's how she feels! I'm so angry that I should have moved on after 2 months into our relationship instead of lying to myself and believing she would improve! Maybe I was selfish, maybe impatient, but there I'd no right for someone like her that knows she has untreated problems and issues to get into a relationship and thinking they'll go! I know feel really down and I'm afraid I got myself into depression again! What's ironic is that it was exactly a year ago that I saw my ex for the last time! I never thought that a year on I would be in the crap again!

[orangelive]

well.

we're back in the UK and the break didn't go ahead. in fact i'm staying with her every night since we returned from holidays as she feels insecure to be alone in her brothers house. it's her and the dogd in that house until her brother and family return in the end of the month.
she was ok on monday. tuesday she started to get a bit grumpy towards me and yesterday started talking down to me again.

she started with jealous talks about a girl i did fancy at work long time ago and moved to another country before i met my girlfriend. asked why we didn't go out and i probably would be better off with her... she said she doesn't like her (she never met her) and she shouldn't be on my facebook friends list! it did annoy me a bit because it looks like she is afraid of losing me and yet treats me like she wants to get rid of me!
this morning she said she didn't wanted to go to her 1st conselling session today (the 1st in many years) saying that it's a waste of time and she would be better off with hypnotherapy. i told her to give it a shot at least and if it doesn't work, try to make an appointment with the doctor and push for another form of therapy. she said i shouldn't tell her what to do... i said i was giving advice because i care about her! i suggested CBT and she dismissed it saying she doesn't want to change the way she thinks.

so, if it gets to the point where she doesn't want therapy, what should I do?

i am running out of options and i feel that i can't support her if she has the chance to get treated and then refuses it.

i know everyone who suffered from depression say that partners should support regardless... but it's unfair and to support decisions that have a bad effect in their lives! how can i support someone that refuses treatment?