Really think its time for medication :(

[CharleysAngel']

I really think its time to try some form of medication. I thought the counselling therapy was working but now I have just gone completely downhill. I don't really trust my counsellor very much and I can't change to a different one.

I have been feeling very low and anxious recently. I have cried almost every night for the past week, I feel lonely and confused because I don't want people near me. I have been tempted to start cutting again but have resisted it so far. I have had more suicidal thoughts, eventhough I have abslutely no intention of carrying them out they are still there. I have not been eating properly because I am terrified that I might be sick for some reason or I might get fat. I get very panicky when I have to go out, all my muscles seize up and I can't breathe and I feel like I am going to be sick. I am heavily relying on painkillers all the time, I feel so physically uncomfortable with my aches and pains and tiredness. I cannot leave the house without painkillers because I am scared of getting pain attacks while I am out, this has happened before. I have tried to avoid going out at all cost because it makes me feel so ill. I have started having bad dreams and poor sleep again too.
I'm really getting to the point where I feel that counselling alone isn't enough. I think I need some sort of medication even if its just to help me keep calm while I am out. Please help I need people opinions on this, I know its going to be a hard battle to get anything xx

[Sweetpea]

I personally think the only way is to be completely honest with your Dr icelolly. She cannot help you unless she knows how you have been and are feeling.  Its such a shame you cannot change your counsellor. It makes such a difference if you have a good rapport with each other %^%. S x x x x

[Zaf]

Shaz is right IceLolly xxx

[plumb]

Icelolly. I did not want to go on medication as i felt i was giving in. However it has awakened me to my issues and once again i am living.
I have not entered counselling but if i did i would have to have faith and trust otherwise it would be detrimental to my healing.

[KateG]

Shaz is right, your GP can't help you until she knows about everything you're going through  %^%  %^% xx

[CharleysAngel']

You're right, I do need to be more honest with my GP. Its so hard though, I'm worried about what's going to happen to me

[Zaf]

It is hard IceLolly but I think its time to really get it out in the open with your doctor if you possibly can xx

[Sweetpea]

Your Dr is there to help you Icelolly. Try and be open with her if you can %^%. S x x x x

[CharleysAngel']

Next time I go see her I will try to explain everything. It won't be for a while though because I need to get my bloodtests done again first and she said to wait a few weeks and give my veins a chance to heal properly, seeing as I still have the buises from the last lot. I really don't want to be referred to CAMHS again, if that's the only option then I am afraid I am going to have to refuse, I'm old enough to make choices without my parents involvement.

[Zaf]

I thonk you're right IceLolly xxx

[Beetzart]

I understand what you are going through, Ice Lolly.  You talk about wanting medication, I take it you mean antidepressants?  Do you think your GP would prescribe them if you under 18? 

All the best

Beet

[CharleysAngel']

I honestly don't know if she will Beetzart, its unlikely but then I feel that its got to the point where I have to give it a try because the counselling doesn't seem enough.

[Zaf]

Personally I need a combination of medication and counselling so it may well be worth asking

[Got]

Sorry to hear it has become so difficult for you.

Many of your symptoms you describe are consistent with depression and anxiety - the thoughts of self harm and suicide defiantly are. Medication may be a good route for you to go down, but inorder fot this decisions to be made your doctor needs to be fully aware of the situation.

You do need to be honest with your GP. The longer you put off doing this the longer this thing is going to be dragged out for.

I do not blame you for not trusting your counselor, she had broken your trust before.

Secondly, the painkillers. What pain killers are you talking? Have you been taking co-codamol? I fear that you are likely case for future addiction, and whether you take that threat seriously or not - I know what I am talking about. You have already voiced a fear of leaving the house without medication and that is concerning. Does the GP know about this? If you have been munching down paracetamol you are putting pressure on your renal system (kidneys, liver) and you also run a real risk of overdose. How much have you been taking?

You are a bright girl, now it is time to make some bright decisions - honesty about your thoughts with he GP and honesty about your increasing reliance on painkillers.

I am sorry I am nagging you, I just want you to get better. When I was your age I couldn't have displayed the maturity that you do,  so I'm not really having a go at you, just trying to be helpful.

Take care and I hope you find a good solution to your problems soon.

Steve

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Steve,

I will try and be honest with my GP, I just don't want to be referred to CAMHS again, they won't do an assessment without parental involvement and if that's the case then I can't tell them everything they need to know because they just tell your parents. This is another lot that think its great to have your parents involved so they can support you but no one seems to understand that this is not the case for me. Having my parents find out about some of the things that were going on was the worst thing that could of happened to me, it just added more stress that I didn't need. I don't know if there are any other options available apart from CAMHS but I'm really hoping there is.

My GP doesn't know about the painkillers either, I think she has guessed about the not eating properly due to the deficiencies in my blood test but not about the painkillers. I take a mixture of co-codamol, paracetamol and ibuprofen ( not all at the same time) depends on what's available. I will take at least one does a day of one of them but sometimes I have to take a dose of something different in the same day because I have run out of the other for example. I don't take them excessively like every 4 hours or whatever but I will take them pretty much everyday. A lot of the time I don't really have pain of such I just feel generally uncomfortable from my physical symptoms and the painkillers help. Some of the time I probably don't need them at all I just feel the need to take them. I cannot leave the house without them at all, I am scared that I will get pains while I am out and so have to have those painkillers just incase. If I find my self in a situation where I am becoming anxious I start to feel very unwell and this makes me more scared and I try to avoid going out all together. The fear or becoming anxious and feeling unwell while out increases and that makes me feel worse if that makes sense.

I am aware of how addictive co-codamol is so I am trying to be very careful with that, they were prescibed to me a while back and I don't have many left anyway.  I also know about the damage I am probably doing to my liver, kidneys, intestines etc. With all the other painkillers too. Every time I get a tummy ache( which I get a lot) I go into complete panic and thing 'omg I've done it this time, I really am going to die' see however much I think about suicide the actual idea of deaths still terrifies me.