Really think its time for medication :(

[Zaf]

Its within your rights to refuse any treatment IceLolly so if your doctor tell her you dont want to go again (and probably most importantly why).

You really do need to tell your doctor about all your issues and problems as she cant help you if you dont but tell her first that you want it all kept totally confidential, especially whete your parents are concerned.

I know none of that will be easy but I thonk its your only option for you to get the treatment you need and deserve

Z xx

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Zaf xx

I think if my doctor knows the whole story she wil be understanding. I know that she won't do anything I don't want her to either. I do not really have a problem with telling her about it because I trust her more than anyone else, its just what happens after that, that's what I am scared of.

[Got]

What strength of co-codamol are you taking? They were prescribed - so possibly 30/500. That means for two tablets you would take 60 mg of codeine. That is strong.  You are taking it every day and you claim you are scared to leave the house without painkillers. Presumably, if you was old enough to buy it, you would then start buying regular co-codamol from the pharmacy once you have run out of prescribed medication.

Codeine is a precursor to morphine, when you ingest it your body turns it to morphine.  What is heroin?  - diamorphine. So you are playing with smack. This could be the beginning of an addiction to an opiate. This is an important medical issue and you should not ignore it.

Also, the mix of medication you are talking daily is not good for you. Your doctor needs to be aware of this.

I am very glad you trust you GP. Hopefully she will do all she can to help you.

Take care Icelolly,

Steve

[Zaf]

Thanks Zaf xx

I think if my doctor knows the whole story she wil be understanding. I know that she won't do anything I don't want her to either. I do not really have a problem with telling her about it because I trust her more than anyone else, its just what happens after that, that's what I am scared of.

If you can you need to discuss that with her too

Z xx

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Zaf and Steve xx

Yes they are 30/500, I don't take the co-codamol everyday though. Its usually nurofen or paracetamol, I save the co-codamol for really bad pains because I don't want them to run out. I went through a phase of 'having' to take the co-codamol to school, I couldn't go to school without it.
I'm too scared to go into a shop on my own let alone buy something so I will be a bit stuck there   This is all going very wrong, I didn't think it was that bad but now its all laid out in front of me I've realised I am a total junkie

[Beetzart]

As others have said be careful with the codeine, Icelolly.  Addiction can creep up on you without you realising, this happened to me with booze.  At one point I was drinking 3 litres of Cider and 4/5 shots of vodka every night, sometimes even putting the vodka in the cider.  I've stopped it now but it is scary, whether it be alcohol or pills.  Your whole life is spent thinking about the next hit so to speak.  I also used to a have a codeine problem because when I tried to stop drinking I used to take OTC cocodamol 8/500 to try and get high so I took 10.  I also did this with Nurofen Plus 12.5/200, they were ghastly and made me feel worse.  Then I tried to extract the codeine from aspirin, just gave me a belly ache, and I have gobbled down out of date 30/500 tablets I once found.  

Sorry for going on, but I suppose I am just trying to show how this stuff can consume you.  Afterall a codeine 'high' isn't much really, for me anyway.

Beet

[Got]

Icelolly, my intention wasn't to make you feel like a junkie, and even if you was some kind of addict there is no negative stigma implied...by that I mean there is nothing to be ashamed off. Anyway, you are not a junkie and you are not an addict. I was just trying to convince you of the dangers of relying on painkillers.

Do not think things are going badly wrong because they are not, it is just difficult for you and that is not your fault.

Considering your depression and anxiety, your physical problems, your problems with your counselor, the CAHMS and your patents, you are doing incredibly well and I think you should be very proud of yourself for dealing with what you do.

The goal is to get yourself fit and healthy so you can start taking more pleasure in life again, and hopefully people will start taking you more seriously because you deserve to be treated with respect.

I hope you manage to talk openly with your GP and that it has good results.

Steve X

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Beetzart, I completely understand what you are saying. Its not until recently that I realised how many painkillers I have actually been taking.

Steve, no I know you wasn't implying that I am a junkie, its just when you see exactly what you are doing all written down like that reality hits home. I am hoping to speak to my GP about all of this at my next appointment. Xx

[Beetzart]

It is so devastating for you to have to go through this at your age.  I started to get symptoms at 17/18 and didn't get the right treatment (partly my fault for thinking it would go away) and it has wrecked most of my life. 

Get as much help as you possibly can. 

Beet

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Beetzart, I'm sorry it has had such an impact on your life. I have tried very hard to get help and it took me months get just get to see a school counsellor, who isn't really equipped enough to deal with depression anyway. I think that getting medication is going to be near impossible, but I know that my doctor will only do what is best for me as she always has done xx

[Got]

Sorry I was blunt it is my way. I can see how everything written down like that could seem like a shock. However, please don't look at it and think you are in a mess. I don't know if you remember what I said to you a while back about writing down negative thoughts and positive thoughts.

In reality you are displaying an amazing amount of strength. You are dealing with an array of difficult psychological and physical symptoms. You are dealing with way much more than what you should do at you age, and yet despite this you are dealing with it much better than a lot of people would. You constantly look for solutions, you problem solve, you ask and listen to advice, you have learned about your symptoms and what they may mean.

Keep on trying, things will get better for you. All this is character building and will make you a wiser person, even if at the moment it feels like a living hell.

Steve

[CharleysAngel']

Thanks Steve xx

I do remember what you said to me a while back, take the problem and try to see a positive side to it, use it in a way to your advantage so that you can possibly benefit from it? So I suppose that if I tell my doctor this is actually a positive thing because it means that I will be taken more seriously and get the help that i need?

And thank you for your kind words, I really appreciate it :) xx

[KateG]

That's a really good way to look at it Icelolly, it's really important that you tell her everything. And on't leave her office until you do xxxx

[CharleysAngel']

I won't leave until I have told her anything. If I turn into an emotional wreck while I'm there like I did back in December she won't let me go anywhere anyway until I am alright anyway xx

[Sweetpea]

That's good to hear icelolly, she sounds like a lovely Dr. I have been a complete blubbering wreck with my Dr. I am sure we are not alone. S x x x x