I can't anymore.

[mamalou]

At the risk of sounding boring and probably incredibly selfish, I am really suffering.

I know I deserve nothing and I am worth nothing. I just cannot bear the pain any more.

I have an overwhelming desire to run away. Run away from my Dr, Psychiatrist, Therapist and Care Co-ordinator. And to run away from my life. I don't want any help anymore. I don't want any friends. I can give NOTHING to anyone.

There is no hope left in the world for me and my depression has won. I have no energy or motivation to fight it.

I am sorry to all who are suffering here, I am not trying to detract from anything that you are going through. This is my one safe outlet.

[Sweetpea]

%^% Mamalou. You know you can vent here and no one will judge. S x x x x

[Beetzart]

Shaz is right, vent away even if it only helps slightly that is at least something.  You sound as if you are going through something identical to me.  Depression is such a cruel illness.

xx

[mamalou]

 *() Thank you for replying. I appreciate it more than you know. x

[woozywoo]

Thinking of you Mamalou.

I have had a bad day today and can empathise with the feeling of wanting to run away.

 *)*

[whiteadder]

Don't ever feel bad for posting - this is a safe place for you to express yourself - thinking of you x

[mamalou]

I always feel bad. I get this awful weight on my chest when I post - it makes my breathing shallow and my mind race     
I spose it's because I believe I am ill because it's what I deserve.

Thanks for your message x

[Sweetpea]

You do not deserve to feel this way Mamalou %^%. S x x x x

[woozywoo]

Keep posting Mamalou, i think what you are feeling about posting is familiar to many.

I worry i am moaning and saying the same problem again and again.

But people hear care and it is a great outlet for how you feel. So use it.

 *)*

[sundayrose]

Dear Mamalou,

I have felt this way. Now I feel better. So there's hope out there. Trust me you can do it. Try finding your inner core. Let go of all the things which have been put over your head all your life, forget what people have ever thought or said. Just breathe and feel. And think. Even it they are bad thoughts or bad feelings. Let them be there, but do NOT stop them, dwell on them or try to change them. Just slowly feel them pass through you and clear you. And just keep breathing slowly. Put your hand to your stomach and tell yourself, that you will stay with you no matter what.

Make someone smile each day. They will value it so much and it is your proof that you are very worthy of this life! And remember to live in the moment.

I wish you all the best of luck and I will be thinking of you praying for you to find some hope and start loving yourself.

[KateG]

Hang in there mamalou, we're all here for you xx

[mamalou]

Thank you Sundayrose.

It's been such a long time of being so low. 20 long years that I have carried this depression ( in varying degrees) and now I am tired and suicidal. My therapist has talked me through a similar breathing technique, I have yet to muster the energy to try it although I know that it might be helpful.

Do you really believe that I could get better ? I think I will fail. So do I just end it all now to save the disappointment ?

Sorry, sorry, sorry.  

[GrumpyChump]

Hi mamalou, I've not been on these forums for long at all, but reading your original post I can relate a lot to what you say. I've not had depression long in comparison, however the thoughts are similar. I follow the hope that something somewhere will send a switch up to the brain that will motivate and give me the strength to defeat this.

I hope you feel better soon mamlou

[mamalou]

I am so tired. I am really confused too. Just can't think straight. Hope I die while I'm asleep.

[pamela.smith80]

I think you really need to go to see the doctor. A doctor is the only person who can treat depression. Don´t worry and think that the most important thing is getting better. Doing exercise is sometimes a good technique. Link moved to links board

Good luck