Here i am again

[woozywoo]

JThere are lots small things and one big thing that has triggered this bout, though it started back in January.

Numb and empty are a couple of words that best describes where i am right now!

[whiteadder]

Also off work and feeling low here. You're not alone - hope you start to feel better soon.

[woozywoo]

Thanx,not a nice feeling though is it!?

It took me a while 2 accept i needed time off,and still feel incredibly guilty and worried about implications when i go back,but guess i just need 2 deal with that at the time.

How long have you been off? I was off 2 days last week,this is beg of 2 weeks this week.

[whiteadder]

I'm on week 3 so far, having had a breakdown...after 10 years of trying to just keep going and going. Know what you mean about the guilt and worry. Kind of a Catch 22 when you can't face work but can't face discussing with them why you can't face it. Feels strange I know but you have to look after your health as priority number 1.

[Buttercup]

Hi

I'm also off work, well I had to resign from my teaching job  after 6 weeks I started supply work but had to stop that aswell, under the advice of GP and psych.

I empathise with both of you, it's a rubbish situation to be in.

Xxx

[woozywoo]

Hey... have been checking in and reading posts on the website, but i havent felt up to really typing much.

I have fought all year to keep going in my job as a teacher, but i just couldnt do it anymore. This is now the end of my second week off and the doc has just given me a certificate for another 3 weeks.

It took me hours, practically all day to build myself up enough to phone and inform headteacher.

i finally feel after 15ish years of suffering i am getting some help that will actually make a difference. The empathy and support from my consultant in the last couple of weeks, has actually been overwhelming. In the first meeeting i had with her, she urged me to get the Headteacher to refer me to occupational health. As they will help support me and eventually integrate me back into the workplace. I did this and 3 weeks ago, my headteacher said she would do the referral.

I spoke to occupational health yesterday to chase up the referral as i havent heard anything, but they havent got one for me. So when i spoke to the head today i enquired about the referral. She said she hadnt done it yet, as she was waiting to see if i was getting on ok, because i may have changed my mind about it being done. Basically she then went on to say that the referral this time will have implications with regards to my fitness to work because i was referred to them back 4 years ago when working at a different school and after 5 months off work, they did a phased return to work with me. She says that because i have been ionvolved with them before this will move the process onto the next stage.

Surely they are there to help and support keeping me in work if possible? My consultant totally thinks being referreed to them is the right thing and i trust her. But why is the headteacher making this a negative thing. If she had made the refereral 3weeks ago when i originally asked then maybe i would be returning after half term. As it is, i am now going to have to wait at least another week and a half before i here from them because of the bank holiday. Its just all too much for me to take on board at the moment.

Thanks for listening to my rant...

[Buttercup]

Feel for you Woozywoo.

I ended up in a similar situation at the end of last year, I had been signed off by my GP for six weeks ish and the GP was telling me that I shouldn't go back after Christmas.  I made the decision that when I could go back I would see about part time.  When I spoke to the head teacher she wasn't really sympathetic but said she would look into a job share and then came the kiss of death, "course if your still signed of and can't cope then we'd have to look at competency"  At the time I was in a really bad place and decided that enough was enough and resigned.  A bit drastic but my GP seemed to think it was a wonderful decision.

Now I'm just waiting for my GP and psychiatrist to say it's ok for me to work again, but every time I think about it I get a huge wave of panic.

I really did think that the whole idea of Occupational therapy was to keep you in work and I don't think the attitude of your head is helpful at all.  Glad you've been signed off for 3 weeks though, you need to concentrate on getting yourself well and try not to worry.

xxx

[Sweetpea]

Feel for you Woozy, this seems a crazy way of thinking by your Head.

S x x x x

[KateG]

There seems to be so many teachers on here who are suffering with depression and so many more of us who have had jobs or work situations that have made them ill.

&*( for all of us

[whiteadder]

Hang in there woozywoo :)

[Zaf]

work is my problem too but I did notice how many teachers were suffering in here from depression

[woozywoo]

Well here i am at this silly hour. Should be asleep,want to be asleep,but cant sleep. Its my own fault for not gettin up until very late yesterday afternoon,but i have nothing to get up for.

I am laying in bed,trying to rid my mind me everything,but i just cant. I have am appt with my consultant tomorrow,who i see weekly at the moment,but Didnt see last week. Since last time i saw her, 2 weeks ago,i feel like i have gone badly downhill. I have been goin over all the things i want to tell her 2morrow,i will write a list before i go,feel like the medication is puddling my mind at the moment. Doctor 2day asked me how i was feeling. I cant put it in2 words. Im numb,another side effect of the medication.

Why do i keep feeling like this? I know its goin to improve,but thats until it happens again! What is the point? Why cant i just find someone 2 love and care 4 me for who i am? Why is life such a struggle for me,when there are ppl out there who love it and live 4 the moment!

One thing that is gettin me down at the moment is feeling unwell. I never seem to be able to wake up and feel ok. I feel tired,have a headache,feel weak,feel sick,Im achey.  I know its all part of here i am mentally at the moment,but i am soooo sick of it. I want it all to go away,i want me to go away. I dont want me to exist any more.

[whiteadder]

Thinking of you - hope things look up soon :)

[Zaf]

It seems a never ending circle sometimes woozywoo but I genuinely believe things do get better over time

Z xx

[woozywoo]

Thanx guys.

I am goin downhill rapidly!

I am just goin 2 try 2 eat something and then post a little more. More for my sake really,need 2 get stuff out!